Community

Leaving my ex was a decision shaped by years of isolation and physical abuse, but the breaking point was when he tried to control my livelihood. He wanted me to quit my job, and when I refused, he didn’t care. Another time, he looked me in the eyes and said, “You’re not leaving this apartment alive,” before laughing. That was the moment I realized—why was I letting this man decide what I did with my life? Why was I letting him determine whether I got to be alive at all? The day I finally left, I called my mom and told her I wanted out. When my ex threatened to throw all my belongings away, I called the police. They gave me five minutes to gather what I could. I grabbed whatever I could carry and walked away. But leaving wasn’t the end—it was just the beginning. He stalked and harassed me relentlessly. Social media messages. Presents left on my car. Showing up at my parents' house. Nonstop calls. I eventually had to change my phone number. Even then, it took me a while to file for a Protection Order because, somehow, I still felt bad for him. Then, after months of no contact, I ran into him at the gym. He made a threatening remark, so I reported it, and he was banned. That set him off. As I left the gym, he tried to run me off the road. I managed to pull into a parking lot where bystanders gathered around me while he screamed. The police arrived and told me I should file for an Emergency Protection Order immediately—something I had put off, thinking I had to wait for regular business hours. I got the order and thought that would be the end of it. But exactly one day after it expired, he showed up again—and this time, he wouldn’t let me leave where I was parked. Panic took over as I desperately tried to get someone’s attention to call the police. Finally, I managed to get to safety, and someone had already made the call. As I started driving home, I realized he was following me again. Instead of going home, I turned back and told the police. They offered to follow me, and as I drove off, I spotted him on the other side of the road. I motioned to the officer, who immediately pulled him over. A few minutes later, the officer called me and said I needed to get another order against him, warning that he was "mentally unwell." He hoped that pulling him over had given me enough time to get home safely. This time, I had to file for a Peace Order, which only lasted six months. He even tried to appeal it—but in the end, it was granted. Looking back, I learned that the most dangerous time for a survivor isn’t during the relationship—it’s when they try to leave. Those months after I walked away were far more terrifying than any moment I spent with him. But in the end, I made it out. And that’s what matters.

To my fellow survivor, I am a 9 year survivor of sexual assault. I am proud to be sharing my story, and hoping my words can provide comfort and courage. Something that was very important to me was reporting my rapist. Fear takes over our body, and we feel numb. I wanted to cocoon myself in a blanket and stay there forever. The thought of contacting law enforcement was terrifying. Taking that scary step can make you feel empowered. I wanted my voice, my story, and my emotions to be heard. There is a quote “speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.” This quote carried me through one of the most difficult times in my life. When we speak our truth, we are no longer carrying this alone. You are being heard and taking back the power. Share your story, heal with love and care, and most of all surviving is the bravest of all. “I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” Brené Brown

Former employer have a history of this thing I think. When worked there did wage theft and harassment, official whistleblower, feels like a crane sometimes, after stop working continue to stalk and harass for over a decade now, follow in vehicles, harassing phone calls daily, listen in on phone calls using tech. , no full time job since 2007, engage in blacklisting campaign, have friends and family on payroll to harass even right down street not a very pretty picture.

I experienced coercive rape by my ex-boyfriend over the span of some months. After not only sexual but also emotional abuse I was able to leave the relationship two years ago. Since then it has been a confusing journey....it took me a long time to understand what happened and to acknowledge my trauma. Sometimes I still feel very confused. Adding to the confusion, a few days ago, I had sex for the first time after the abuse. I didn't know what to expect. I thought it might be fine and ill have a great time or it is horrible and I´ll finally have the strong emotional reaction I was kind of always hoping for so that I can validate my trauma. Somehow it was neither...but it wasn't really enjoyable. I felt like I was not really present but I also couldn't act to stop it. In the moment I also didn't feel like it was so bad that I needed to stop it. The person I was with was also very respectful and felt safe. Im not sure how to feel about it...I was hoping it might help me on my healing journey but I feel like I am still facing the same confusion as before. It was not nice or enjoyable, I was kind of dissociated and couldn't do anything to stop it....still I have this feeling that it was all not bad enough. At least not as bad as I always expected it to be after experiencing sexual trauma. Maybe someone had similar experiencs...?

Even though I went with him, it was ultimately nonconsensual. I still feel guilty. He was my sister's ex-husband. Having sex with him was the low point in a spiral started by my extreme workplace sexual harassment. Let it serve as a warning to women of all ages everywhere not to start down the slippery slope of letting men get away with things you know they should not. It was the fourth of July and let me tell you about my mess then. I was a business major interning at a Rental Car company in the midwest, desperate to get connections to have a job out of business school and I put all my eggs in one basket- the company I was interning at. Two men took advantage of that, especially the one who invited me to stay on after my regular internship like I was special. Like I wrote a year ago in my post "Major Sexual Harassment", he had degraded me into performing oral sex on him in secret to end most of my days working for free there. It was killing me internally and I had nobody to go to with my sorrow and self-loathing. So I went home for 4th of July weekend. My parent's house that we all grew up in when it was a smaller town was a prime location to walk a couple minutes to a new big park they had next to a pond where they had a fireworks show. My big sister and her three kids, my nephew and nieces were there, my aunt's and uncles and their kids. Barbecue and a keg of beer before we all walk to the park. (I was 20 but it was our culture to bend the rules a little). My sister's ex-husband, KA divorced 2 years before, father of all three kids stopped by with his friend. We all knew each other. My sister tolerated KA for the kids even though she did not like him anymore. I was drinking, trying to forget my problems at college, the workplace sex abuse that was my own wound. The sun had set and on the lawn of the crowded park I ended up wandering from my family and hanging with KA and his friend because they brought beer in gallon jugs and I wanted to keep filling my cup. KA was about 10 years older than me. It did get flirtatious, and I did reciprocate compliments about how good I looked with how KA and his friend stayed in shape for old men-it was playful. I had always looked up to him as a big brother/Uncle and was not really around for the divorce when the bad blood happened. So I was still kind of intimidated by KA. I recall getting a charge out of sitting off back in the dark between the two bigger, confident men and making out with each of them, back and forth. I know! Terrible! Men might say I had it coming. Also, when I got worried that my family might see and they suggested we sneak away I went willingly. I know this sounds terrible. Imagine when I told my sister. We headed back to the house to get fresh beers from the keg in the back yard. The fireworks finale happened while we were talking and I think we knew the family would come back. KA suggested that we get to his truck before everyone got back. It was just on the the street near our house and when we got to it he opened the back that had a topper and inside was thin mattress with pillows and blankets. It was obvious what they wanted and I made it clear I was not getting in there with both of them. So KA dismissed the friend , who walked away. I still resisted, telling him I did not want to go to bed with him. I know I told him. He got me to kiss him some more, then said he saw my family walking and we should just hide a minute I got in. It was hot and humid. He fanned me with a flattened beer case box but had me take off my T-shirt and shorts so he would not be wasting the air. He stripped too and we started kissing again. I told him I wanted to get out. We were so sweaty and he asked me to at least blow him. I had bad feelings about it of course because of the hell I was going through at the office with my "boss" who had talked me into giving him blowjobs when all I wanted was to be appreciated for my hard work and intelligence. That sobered me up. But I was doing it. That is as far as my consent went. He did not let me finish. He told me he had always wanted to F me. He knew me since I was in junior high! I did not want to. I did not want to have sex with my sister's ex husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He told me it was "too late now." I remember. Just like at my internship it was a man's world. I had made out with him, I was on a bed in the back of his truck in my panties, bra off, and put his penis in my mouth to appease him. In what magical world could I realistically have accused him of rape after that point? He could have done anything including anal rape or call his friends in for a gangbang and nobody would believe I was anything but a slut. To think of myself as lucky makes me shudder. Never again! He physically overpowered me while we were both slippery with sweat and we had sex. It was quick the first time but then he got out, drove to the gas station while I put my clothes on in teh back, drove briefly again and climbed back in and closed the back before I had a chance to get out. He had gatorade, water, snacks, and beer. I drank blue Gatorade to cool off while he drank beer. He opened the topper door but not the tailgate and I wasn't allowed to get out. I still didn't know where we were, but it was a dead end of a street near my house. I can't say for sure but I think I had Stockholm syndrome. I remember being scared, then laughing and drinking beer and eating Doritos with him until we had sex again, this time for much longer. And carried on like I was his girlfriend or something. I enjoyed it then, after the coxing, and the trickery, and the forcing, and the raping. But only then. A self-deception for survival I tell myself. When I woke up next to him in the middle of the night I was afraid and ashamed. He woke up when I did and this time let me get dressed and leave. No attempt at romantic connection. Like he was done with me and I should know it. I just walked away, figured out where I was, and went home. I snuck in the back door. My dad was up and I lied to him that I had gone with my old friend who I saw in the park when we first got there and went to her house and we drank beer and feel asleep. I stuck with that lie the next day for everyone and went back to my apartment and summer internship where I spend a few minutes at the end of each shift satisfying the "boss" who eventually wrote me an impersonal, bland letter of recommendation that caused me to have a breakdown. I never wrote down that story until now. When I first told my sister out of crushing guilt was when I told her everything else and started to heal.

ALL THROUGHOUT MY LIFE I HAVE SUFFERED MULTIPLE EVENTS OF SEXUAL MOLESTATION AND ASSAULT THE FIRST ONE STARTING AT THE AGE OF 8 WHEN A FAMILY FRIEND MOLESTED ME HE ENDED UP BEING CHARGED AND SENTENCED TO 10 YEARS BUT MY STORY DIDNT STOP THERE AS I GOT INTO MY TEENS GROWING UP IN A HOME WITH A NARRCISISTIC MOTHER I WAS OFTEN BELITTLED AND EMOTIONALLY PUT DOWN. THE EFFECTS OF MY SEXUAL ABUSE AS A CHILD AND THE UNWAVERING EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION I RECIEVED FROM MY MOM MADE ME AN EASY TARGET FOR PREDATORS THROUGHOUT MY TEENAGE YEARS, AT THE AGE OF 15 I GOT THE NEWS I WAS PREGNANT BY A 28 YEAR OLD MAN ALL THE WHILE MY MOTHER NEVER DETESTED THE RELATIONSHIP. HE OF COURSE DID NOT STICK AROUND AFTER THE NEWS. I CONTINUED TO LIVE WITH MY MOM AND IN THE MIDST OF HER NEW HOME REMODEL I WAS SEXUALLY ASSAULTED BY THE MAN DOING THE RENOVATIONS AND MY CRIES TO MY MOM WERE IGNORED IN FEAR OF HER HOME NOT BEING COMPLETED. I LEFT HOME IN AN ATTEMPT TO PROVIDE FOR MY DAUGHTER. WITH MY MOTHER NEVER BEING HOME IT WAS HARD TO GET THE THINGS MY BABY NEEDED TO SURVIVE. THE HOME I WAS LIVING IN WAS NOT SUITIBLE WITH NO HEAT MY DAUGHTER GOT SICK. AFTER SPENDING 2 WEEKS IN THE HOSPITAL SHE WENT HOME WITH MY MOM AND TAKEN OUT OF MY CUSTODY. AT THE AGE OF 16 I MOVED IN WITH MY BOYFRIEND WHO WAS 23 YEARS OLD AND HAD MY SON. OVER THE NEXT 5 YEARS I WAS PHYSICALLY ABUSED ALL WHILE SUFFERING THE PAIN OF NOT HAVING MY DAUGHTER WITH EVERY VISITATION BEING A TRANSACTION OF MY MOMS EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION AND CONTROL TACTICS USING MY DAUGHTER TO KEEP ME WITHIN HER GRASP. I WAS PUUT ON CHILD SUPPORT AT THE AGE OF 17 BY MY MOM CRIPPLING ME FINANCIALLY BUT STILL I PUSHED FORWARD. I EVENTUALLY DID GET MY DAUGHTER BACK BUT CONTINUED TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT. WITH NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE COURT SYSTEM OR ANYTHING ELSE FOR THAT MATTER MY FIGHT WASTO SURVIVE AND HAVE MY KIDS CLOSE TO ME. OVER THE YEARS I STRUGGLED WITH ADDICTION WHICH STARTED AT THE HANDS OF MY DAUGHTERS FATHER WHO FIRST GAVE ME METH AT THE TENDER AGE OF 14. THIS CYCLE OF GETTING CLEAN AND RELAPSING WENT ON UNTIL I WAS 25 YEARS OLD. WITH EACH ATTEMPT TO ACCOMPLISH HAVING MY KIDS MY HOPE WAS DEMINISHED BY THE VERY PEOPLE WHO USED AND ABUSED ME. EVEN THOUGHT THE ODDS WERE AGAINST ME I EVENTUALLY PREVAILED AND GOT MY KIDS. EVEN THOUGH I LOST THEM AND SO MANY MEMORIES AS WELL OUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER NEVER WEAKENED. MY DAUGHTER IS NOW 18 AND MY SON IS 15 AND THEIR LOVE FOR MY IS NEVER ENDING. I STILL STRUGGLE WITH MENTAL HEALTH AND BEING SUCCESSFUL DUE TO THE CONSTANT HARRASMENT I RECIEVE AS IF A TARGET WAS PUT ON MY BACK FOR PERPETRATORS. MY ABUSE AND LACK OF KNOWLEDGE HAS LED ME TO BE MANIPULATED ON EVERY LEVEL OF LIFE WITH MY RECENTLY BOUGHT HOME BEING A COMPLETE LEMON I TRUGGLE TO FIND A WAY OUT OF THIS UNLIVABLE HOME. I HAVE BEEN ON THIS JOURNEY TO BUILD MY RELATIONSHIP MORE WITH GOD WHILE WRITING A BOOK OF MY LIFE WHICH IVE SLOWLY POSTED EPISODE BY EPISODE ON AMAZON. I HAVE THE LOVE OF MY KIDS AND THOUGH I MAY HAVE FAILED ON MANY LEVELS MY DAUGHTER IS ON HER WAY TO BETTER THINGS AND MY SON IS RIGHT BEHIND HER. THEY LOVE ME DEARLY AND FOR THAT I AM GRATEFUL. I HAVE FAITH THAT GOD WILL GET ME THROUGH HE GOT ME THIS FAR SO I CONTINUE TO FIGHT!!!!!!

I hadn't seen my bestfriend from school for about a year, She invited me to attend her college ball. I flew in off the back of a week of drinking and not sleeping. Specifically I had not slept the night before so when I arrived at the college I was thoroughly exhausted. She said we were going to the pub straight away, I didn't bother getting changed and was so sick of alcohol that I could hardly sip my drink. At the pub she introduced me to her boyfriend and his twin brother. She had been encouraging me to get with him, so that we could go on double dates. I hung out with them for majority of the night as I didn't really know anyone else there and had so much to catch up on with my bestfriend. A little later on I got very hungry, I hadn't eaten lunch or dinner that day. I went around and asked my friends if they wanted to go and get food with me, they said no. My bestfriend's boyfriend's brother piped up, he said he would come with me. I felt uncomfortable but thought he was a nice guy and I was only going next door. At the maccas I ordered six chicken nuggets, as I ate he sat there watching, he then started demanding that I hurry up. As we left he walked next to me and then leant in and kissed me, it was weird, I didn't think I had been giving off signals that I was interested in him. As I kept walking he suddenly said, lets go back to the college. I had been saying all night that I was really keen to sleep and hadn't slept for 24 hours but I said no, I want to go back to the pub with my friends. He insisted that I go back with him to college right then and there, and I repeatedly said no, he then started saying that my friends were messaging him and they said they were going back in 15 mins. I still refused, he then hailed a cab and said that I had to now and he was paying for it so it was a free trip. In the cab I sat in the middle seat, I leant on his shoulder, and he immediately started grabbing my breasts, painfully hard, I forced him off and jolted upright. Realising I had lost my wallet, I asked the cab to turn back, but he told the cab no and to keep driving and that he was the one paying. At the college, I had no idea where I was, he said, "lets go back to my car" and panic began to set in, had he not realised why I was here? I did not want to do anything sexual I was here to sleep as I had said over and over again. I asked him to take me to my bestfriend's room, he lead me through numerous empty pitch black hallways and doors, finally he stopped and entered a room, I had been following about 5/10m behind constantly looking for an exit or somewhere to run. I walked in and sat on the bed on my phone. I was frantically texting my friends asking when they were going to be back, this was not my ex-bestfriend's room. They said maybe 30mins, as I was texting he came over and said, "give me your phone." I said, "what, no. why?" "so you don't get distracted." "distracted for what? I don't want to do anything." After waiting for a few more minutes I lay down. He lay down next to me and began touching my body. He even started trying to put his hands down my pants. I kept pushing him off and saying no, stop and I don't want to do anything. He continued for what felt like 45mins. He put his fingers on and into my vagina. Eventually I stopped resisting. He got up and told me to take his shirt off, I said no, I don't want to do anything. He took his own shirt off. He proceeded to take my pants off. He pulled me ontop of him and grabbed my throat. He started hitting my right buttox. and calling me a fucking slut and fucking dumb bitch. I could not breathe, everytime I fought he choked me harder, hit me harder and squeezed my breasts harder. I was shouting No and Stop when I could. It did not do anything. After he pushed me off but kept his hand on my stomach. He said, "I'm going again." I was still saying "No." "If you don't let me go again, I will get some other fucking slut too. I can get any other bitch out there. I can get anyone." "Good!" With that he rolled ontop and forced my legs apart, he starting licking my vagina. - His brother knocked and the door and tried to force his way in, he was still swearing and shouting at me and the brother, calling him a cunt and telling him to fuck off. I hid under the sheets, when they left I went to get up but he pushed me back down so I was sitting on the bed and forced his penis in my face. He held my head with one hand and his penis with the other as I moved my face side to side saying no. He backed off then did the same thing again. Finally he backed off, I scrambled for my clothes but couldn't find my phone. I screamed at him, "where is my phone!" he completely ignored me and sat on the bed on his own phone. This went on for a few minutes, I began frantically searching the room and found it buried on a desk shelf under clothes and other items. It was on aeroplane mode, I had missed calls from the police, my friends, my parents. as I tried to escape, he kept pulling me back down onto his lap. from behind, from the front, I was still shouting NO. When I got to the door, it was jammed shut with mattresses, I yanked at the handle, and only a tiny light shone through. He started coming over and I started pushing myself through the door. He yanked my arm and said, "Don't I get a goodbye kiss, you better message me tomorrow, on facebook." He forced his mouth on me as I turned my head from side to side and with renewed fright slid straight through the gap in the door. A friend saw me and called out, I ran to her, she showed me my bestfriend's room. She was sick while the other watched, "where have you been, we've all been looking for you." I burst into tears, "was it a bad experience with a boy?" I nodded. "thats ok, it happens to everyone" "yeh just get over it. you're just overreacting." The police arrived that night to give me my wallet but the twin brother and my bestfriend stood there making sure I didn't say anything. Later that night I rolled up in a corner on the floor, I closed my eyes waiting for morning to come. Nightmares flashed in and out of my mind. And then at around 3am he came into the room I was sleeping, with his friends. I was so scared I couldn't move at all. I was so scared that when he pegged a football at my face I didn't even flinch. He openly denied that anything had happened to his friends in that room. My 'bestfriends' they laughed and watched. Covered in bruises the next day my bestfriend and other friends said nothing. Now they are my ex-friends and my ex-bestfriend. Some refused to give statements to the police, the others colluded to make a story with the rapist. One of their mothers even rang up mine and got mad, saying the police rang her daughter at work and she was really upset and whats all this nonsense, it happened over a year ago. They spread rumours around saying that I was overreacting and nothing bad happened to me. I have never told a single one of those girls what happened to me, they have made their own assumptions. They have never messaged me or talked to me about it, even now that he has been arrested, nothing. I now have new bestfriends, they have never interrogated me, not believed me or believed the lie that he is now spreading. I adore them and I am so honoured that they call me a friend. I owe them my life.

Hello, I'm going to be sharing my stories because these moments haunt me more than anything. 1, He was my long-distance/online boyfriend, i was 13 and he was 16 (already a red flag). we decided to meet up, he came to my state and I had to sneak him in when my parents were at work and his parents stayed in a nearby hotel. I was so happy that I finally got to see my boyfriend then he started asking if i wanted to have sex with him and I said "no, im not ready" and he said "okay lets just cuddle then." I cuddled with him on my bed and she was grinding himself on my ass and he was touching my genitalia and feeling on me everywhere. I told him to stop, and he did. Then I accidentally fell asleep, I woke up feeling him sucking on my neck and i noticed the hickeys on my thighs and neck and some on my chest. I was mortified and I told him to get out before I called my parents, his parents picked him up. I was terrified because he now knew where I lived, I didn't think much of it and I blocked him on everything. I told my parents what happened and I'm not able to get my justice because my parents said it was my fault for even bringing him to the house. 2, I remember when i first met him, in was in 7th grade he was 14 and i was 12. We met on the same bus, in my place we'd drive to the high school to drop the high schoolers off then we'd head to the middle school. I remember I gave him my snap and me and him started talking more. I knew he had bad addictions and habits (that his parents provided him). He peer pressured me to drink with him and to vape with him and to smoke weed. I would sneak out of the house to see him numerous of times. One night I sneaked out with him and he said he was feeling horny. He told me to relieve him by giving him head, I really didn't want to. Then he said "C'mon don't you want to make me proud, you're useless, just do it, (his exes name) would've done it, you're a terrible friend, etc" and that led to me giving him head. I didn't think it was rape until I talked to my therapist about it. Half a year later, I was 13 and he was 15, I dated this other guy and after a bit and then we broke up which hurt me terribly. He snuck over to my house to "surprise" me after what happened, he said "I know something that'll make you feel better" and then he started touching me. I knew I couldn't yell or scream or cry because my parents would've woken up and I was scared. I knew my parents would've blamed it on me and I would've gotten in more trouble than him. Then he raped me, he covered my mouth while I was crying and trying my hardest not to scream or make a lot of noise. After that he would always try to sleep with me and I always declined and said I had plans with my family. To this day he says it was my fault because I was practically begging for it.

I am in very toxic relationship for 5 years where my boyfriend always treat me as slave andshout at me compare me with other girls body shamming demotivate me disrespect me don’t share anything don’t call me txt me.. he always ask for space and all.. if anything happen he blocked me.. from everywhere ..any occasion don’t matter to him not my birthday or anniversary if I wanted to meet he always deny and shouted at me hurt me with his harsh words He didn’t add me on fb or insta or any social media .. but he is added with some of my beautyfull girls .. Probably cheat on me also He hide the relationship to everyone So I decided to treat him silently if I cant bear this any more I will leave him Day one I told him I am feeling down so I need the night to stay calm He response very rudely (valo thakte valo lage na ja birohe thak pore amk kisu bolte ashbi na ) I don’t want to stay good so I do this shit eventually ..so say nothing to him I just did my own stuff be alone for a while going to hospital with ammu didn’t share anything with him at night he asked what happened I said nothing he said ( na bolle nai eto tel marte parbo na ) I don’t want to pamper u He was staying online till 3/ 4 am … idk what he do Day 2 He greet morning I also greet morning normal conversation And again I took my self out for dance cls gone to hhospital with ammu and had amazing riksha ride and talked a lot about stuff… After comeback to home I asked him what he wanted me to wear for shoot he showed me some pictures and blauses there also he told me (tmr moto nongra meye ami jibone dekhi nai jama kapor guchano na kno jama kapor nai fokinni er moto thako)I dirty.. I don’t know how to look goodhe never saw girl like me I am a road side stupid …I ignored as I wanted still I showed him saree and blauses and he choice 5 from them so he decided to meet at 9 am morning and asked me to awake himupp at8.30 Again he was online 3/4 am in insta fb whatsaap Day 3 He asked me to meet for saree shoot and meet me at 9 .. so got up early and called him to awak up.. he said he is already aweakn … So I got my self ready and 9.44 he said he will be out in5 mins so I already got my self out at 10 but he didn’t got out … so I reached there and he didn’t come… I waited for 2 hours and then he came at12.15.. he came but he didn’t say sorry for make me wait for 2 hours .. ulta amk bole ami kno age ber holam natok kore ore na bole ….on the other hand he says why did u got out so early did u tell me? Why um doing all this drama ? Then we pictures of mine and his as well .. Aftr the day he asked me to seat with him so I say u said u wanted to save yourself for your wife and this is the thing um also doing.. And I showed him that he is been online at4 am but he lied and didn’t aggred so I show himthe ss but still he lied over my face .. Then he asked me for my p .. and he blackmailed me immotionally and I was stupid again I gave him that …. He talked some emotional things about future and his plan of getting marry with me have a house of our own and all…. But some how I don’t belive those things its make me feel like this all are fake I cant trust him at all somehow I feel like he is with me bcz of this busess and money.. he don’t love me at all…

A few years ago when I was a sophomore in high school I sort of remembered that I was touched by my brother (I was about 3 or 4 and he was about 12 or 13) and my mom had caught him and the only thing she did was force us to switch rooms. But I ignored it because I thought I was making it up for some reason. But I’m a junior in college and it’s finally hit me that, that I didn’t make it up. And I finally had the courage to ask my mom if he did anything and she said yes. And it really hurt and sucked because she was supposed to protect. She asked me if he had done anything else and I said no but after I said no it kind of hit me that I don’t really know if he did or not. We continued talking about it more but then she said she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. And now it’s really getting the way of our relationship because I see his daughter every Thursday at his place and I’m trying to tell my mom I don’t want to. Like I love my niece but idk. I feel almost jealous of her? Idk what I’m feeling. But I don’t really know what to do? I can’t afford therapy and I want to tell my sister but I don’t really know how to bring it up. So I could use some help?

He was my friend. More than a friend — he was my brother. He knew what I'd been through, and he still tried to hurt me. He played it off like it was a joke, and now he's upset that I said I would never feel safe around him again. I don't feel safe in my own skin anymore. I have to see him for one more year before I graduate, but I have to live with what he did for the rest of my life. I hope the guilt eats him alive.

I was 17. All my friends rented a beach house on the shore. It was our time after graduation to unwind and have some fun. Little did I know that this moment would soon haunt me for the rest of my life. It was our last night at the beach and we all began drinking. I started to get tipsy and before I know it I was on the beach with one of the popular boys from school. We ended up hooking up. He escorts me off the beach and by this point I can barely walk without stumbling. He takes me back to his house where his three friends are. I have no remembrance of how it begun but they all started to kiss me. I remember being disgusted while his one friends starts gripping me and kissing my mouth. I want it to stop but I say nothing. All three of them take turns on me. This is where my night begins to become more of a blur. I wind up at a house party. All I remember from this night are little bits of information. By this point, I was almost black out drunk. I couldn’t even walk. Somehow, I wound up in a closet with 3 new boys. I have no remembrance of how I got there. What I do remember, is being in the corner of the closet. The three boys cornering me. Pulling there pants down. I begin to cry. I tell them no. But they don’t listen. The rest is a lost memory. All I remember after, is them walking out of the closet and everyone at the party cheered. On my worst night of my life. Everyone cheered. A guy from school came and got me. Took me back to his place where I knocked out. I woke up to his friend calling my friends to get me. My friends arrive and I dropped to the ground and sobbed. I just fell to the ground and wept. I couldn’t remember in my mind but my body knew. The next day, all my friends refused to give me a ride home. I had to call my grandma to come pick me up. A few days later, I’m the trending conversation on twitter. Everyone knows about me. I’m the girl who had a threesome in a closet. A few days later, I get a harsh message from my friend who retraced my night. She Explained that I started out with the boy on the beach. Had a threesome with those boys. At the party, I was in the closet. I told them no, but then I went along with it anyways. That in the closet, someone opened the closet and saw me butt naked having sex. And when the boy retrieved me from the party, Apparently when I passed out he had sex with me too. The house maid came into the room and caught us. She told I was assaulted but it was my fault anyways because I was drunk. That messages lives in my mind. I have no recollection of that night. I woke up the next day, and I felt no hangover or nothing. I to this day believe I got roofied. I just remember feeling numb. Feeling lost. All my friends left me. And I went and slept all day at my grandmas. Too ashamed and embarrassed to tell anyone what occurred. I was the girl everyone was talking about. The slut. The whore. The girl all the guys could get with. The pain of not knowing every detail chipped away at me. Thoughts swirled around my head. This was my fault: I was drunk so I have no right to be mad. I didn’t say no loud enough. Maybe I didn’t say no at all. Or maybe, even worse deep down I wanted this. I created this narrative that people painted about me. I was just the girl who was only good for sex. The girl who was just a pretty face. I told myself for years my story did not deserve to be told. Because the details were so fuzzy it probably didn’t even happen. What if I was just making it all up. I had been told I was dramatic in the past. Maybe this was just me being dramatic. I went the next 8 years, telling myself that it was somehow my fault. Convincing myself that somehow I was confused and made it up. Even though my body was keeping score. I threw myself at any man. I didn’t get close. I just fucked. Didn’t matter how many dudes in a night. I just let them do whatever they wanted to me. That was who I was so what was the point. Shortly after, my anxiety kicked in. I had panic attacks daily. I began cutting myself. I wanted to die. I told myself my anxiety and depression was because I was unhappy with my career and was stressed. I told myself I was depressed because I had gained weight and I was just unhappy with ny appearance. When truth was, I was gaining weight because I wanted to hide. Male attention meant danger. I had no trust in them and I had no trust in myself. Drinking and large groups meant loss of control. Which meant danger. My life was a spiral and I didn’t know how to get out.

My sexual assaults story is uncommon for most and hard to most people to grasp. Who would believe that children are capable of knowing and doing such gruesome things to person? Most children are not like this and their experiences are different. It first happened when I was 8 years old while, my abuser was 7 years old at the time. I remember the abuse happening gradually as we build our friendship. It first started with us doing typical kid stuff like us playing together and joking around. And one day, he asked me to play this new game with him. I said sure. I thought it would be one of those silly jokes stunts of his. Instead he pulled my pants down and rubbed his private part against my bottom. It was really uncomfortable moment for me since, I grew-up in a strict Christian-based family. I have never witness anyone on television or heard of the things he was doing to me. Afterwards, I remember me being shy to tell anyone and feeling like I would get into trouble. So I remained quiet. How would any parent react if you see children engaging in sexual behavior? Wouldn't you automatically assume it was the oldest child to teach someone this behavior? This went on for almost 2 years. His behavior became more advance and his request got more weirder. One time, he begged me to drink his pee directly from his part. I told him no. And he stomped across the room mad. He kept persisting and demanding that I try it. Eventually, I gave in but, I told him only from a cup. It was the most dehumanizing experiences of my life. It was not long afterwards, that my father caught us. I remember me trying shove the boy off of me. And telling him that my dad was coming and he kept going harder and harder. I guess he thought I was lying to convince him to get off of me. He wouldn't stop until my father walked into the room.

We were dating for over a year at the time. We hadn't seen each other in a long time, it must have been almost a month. My Godmother's father had passed away 1 week before we saw each other. He was like a grandfather to me, it felt like loosing my grandfather all over again. I went to visit him on a Saturday and the funeral was on the following Wednesday. When he asked for the meet up I specifically told him that I was emotionally not in a good spot and I was processing a lot. He insisted that it wasn't an issue and that he still wanted to see me. When I arrived he was nonchalant and distant like he always was. Didn't hug me or kiss me hello, he took me straight to his room. No one was home that day. We sat and watched a series on your laptop, we didn't really speak to each other. You ordered food and insisted on using my card to pay. When the food came you had ordered 3 pizza's1 for us and 2 for you for later. We ate in silence and watched the series. I tried to open up to you about how I was feeling and how I was feeling about the funeral, I was almost in tears and your brushed it off and said "it will be fine" that's what you always used to say. There was never any sympathy, remorse, understanding or care. You didn't even give me a hug or offer me a tissue. You got restless and started fidgeting. You paused the series and put the laptop away. You simply sat on your phone and didn't speak to me for 30 minutes. Then you got up and everything changed. You were being cold and distant as usually but this time it was different. You sounded angry, passive aggressive. You started commenting on how I wasn't being affectionate, that I didn't kiss you and that I was being too emotional. You started talking about not seeing me for a long time and how you needed some sort of release. You were upset that I never gave that to you and you said "if I knew you were still going to be like this, I would've never invited you over". I told you that I was emotionally not in a good space and that I was tired. Tired and drained and anxious. I told you all of those things. You said  " I need a release" I told you once again that I was emotional and tired and in no state for anything physical. You got onto of me and took of my shirt. I froze. I was in shock. I didn't move. You struggled to get my clothes off but you did none the less. You took off all your clothes. You tried to push yourself in me but I was dry and tight and scared. You carried on pushing until you got inside me. You did everything and anything that you wanted to me. I just remember the defining silence and how painful it was. It was so dry and tight yet you kept thrusting. I honestly don't remember the rest. I don't remember the positions you did. I just remember you pulling out and cumming down my leg. Yes you weren't wearing protection. I remember how the liquid was warm and how it dripped down my leg. You got up, got dressed and passed me some toilet paper. I went to the bathroom with my clothes and I had to wipe all of your cum off my leg. It was disgusting. I remember scrubbing my leg in that bathroom but it didn't help. When I finally had it in me to go back to the room, you were simply on your phone. You stayed like that for the rest of the day, on your phone and in silence The day I died, you lived.

i want justin baldoni to know how proud dv people are of him. i can tell how much he cares and this movie he made has impacted him. my father is a very verbal and physical abuser and my mom left after 20 years and im forever grateful and im so glad they made this movie. thank you justin.

I am still in danger. I live in hiding. I just want to live and be able to have a normal life again. I am being stalked. It now has been going on for almost 10 years. I have had3 attempts on my life. My disabled daughter was kidnapped. I am running out if safe places to go.

When I was a little girl, somewhere between the age of 6 and 10, my cousin who was 5 years older, locked us up in the bathroom and forced me to put his penis in my mouth. I was afraid, I thought it was not a fun game and I wanted to get out as fast as I could. But he said that I had to do it, that it would be fun and that he wouldn't tell anyone. So I did. I remember the smell, I remember the shame and I remember knowing it was wrong and that I should tell an adult in my family. Weeks later, I told my godmother who told my aunt. They decided to keep it to themselves and made sure I was never left alone with that cousin again. Nobody talked to him, noone told him that it was wrong, no one asked why he did that, they did not ask me if I was OK and they did not alert my parents. Everyone was afraid of talking about it. So silence was key to everyone forgetting about it. Later in life, when I was 17 or 18, I was staying at that same cousin's place. he was now in his 20's, and he tooked me in his arms and rubbed his clothed body against my clothed body in a way that resembled sexual foreplay. I was stunned and didn't have the strength to say no. He let go of me eventually and went into another room. I was afraid to move. A similar feeling of wrongness and shame came over me and around that time I decided to start a therapy. I didn't know who to turn to but I was recommended a female therapist in her 40's by my OB/GYN. When I told her the first story, she said that it was just kids playing bathroom bambam. About the second story, she said that it was curious that I did not find the strength to say no. I agreed. It was curious. But that did not make me feel validated. If my own family didn't address this as an issue, and a professional therapist didn't think it was a bid deal as a kid and told me that as a grown up woman, I should just be able to say no, than maybe I had been giving too much importance to these experiences. Maybe they were not that bad. I could always think about way worse things that had happened to other people. Mine did not matter as much. I did not matter as much. In my late 30's, I finally told my mother what had happened. She was furious, sad and angry for a couple of days. She has never mentioned it again in the last 6 years. The worst is definitely not what actually happened. The worst is the silence and taboo around it that grew thicker every year. And yet it has shaped my sexual life, my relationships with partners and with family members. What has helped me for the last 15 years is to have the full validation from an amazing partner who is always ready to listen, allow me space to feel and reflect on what I consider now sexual trauma, for lack of better term. I feel understood and seen by him. Sharing this here I find also very helpful. Thank you for this space.

Please understand that I am not good at English. There is a room deep inside now. In the past, when I thought of it, there was a door wrapped around a complex lock, but now it has become a room with very small lights. At that time, I was excited and tried to see the next gallery before my family. It was the most remote place in the exhibition hall and it was a little dark. Suddenly, something caught me from behind. My mouth was blocked and I couldn't say anything. What still doesn't come to mind is that I can't remember where my hands were without covering my mouth. I just felt like squeezing my penis when I first revived my memory at the counseling center. Without knowing how long it took, it disappeared into the darkness when my family began to come here. From then on, I got myself. I talked to me for the first time. "What happened to me?" "Did he cast a spell on me?" My curse began then. Everything felt different. My close school friends and teachers felt scary, and everything that followed me was scary. He suffered from an unidentified abdominal pain and vomited. Less than half of my academic performance came out, and whenever I had time, I cut the walls of my room with a cutter knife. It is no exaggeration to say that my life has lived to be liberated from this curse since that day. I have visited countless hospitals and consulted numerous counselors. Last year, about 12 years ago, I remembered being dissociated for the first time. I wanted to punish it so much. And that fact has not changed even now. And now I want to achieve my dream of ending this curse and achieving it without running away from it. Thank you for having a place to talk about this. I want to overcome it with everyone who came here.

Name: Triumph Over Tragedy City, GA AIDS survivor and motivational speaker Name has a profound story that heals hearts. As a screenwriter, playwright, poet, Gospel songwriter, and author, she crafts riveting truths about love, life, and relationships, mirroring her trials. Name has faced abuse, addiction, domestic violence, suicide, and sexual assault. At the age of 21, Name was sexually assaulted by a stranger, and ten years later, she was date assaulted by two men she was dating, one of them being one of the assaulters. Despite these hardships, she committed her life to God, becoming celibate in 2000. Diagnosed with HIV in 2010 and progressing to AIDS in 2013, she defied the odds, with her AIDS status having been healed since 2014. Her films, available on Amazon Prime, and her stage play, performed in City, showcase her resilience. Name continues to inspire through her faith, therapy, and the support of her daughters. Follow Name on Instagram and Facebook for more of her inspiring journey. Name is a multitalented speaker, writer, and inventor featured in movies, plays, books, and online articles. Her films feature Hollywood talents such as Robin Givens and Paula Jai Parker. Learn more at [Name's website] (Link).

I don't know what to call it, so I just act like it was no big deal. For whatever reason, I didn't really recognize what happened or remember it until a couple months back. I was on the school bus with a guy I liked, and we had talked about dating once he was allowed to. I had almost fallen asleep leaning against him and was just drifting in and out when I realized he had his hands on my thighs, which I kinda felt panicked about but figured I was overreacting. He then slid my shorts much further up my leg and kind of just felt up my thighs (under and outside) and felt me up I think (I don't know if that's the right term). I remember being so absolutely terrified of what was happening and I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to embarrass him or make a fool of myself, so I never brought it up. We ended up dating for almost 6 months about 4 months after this happened. We broke up when I recognized what it was but I never mentioned it to him, I don't even know if he remembers. I feel awful knowing I dated him after but keep thinking it was no big deal.