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I was...

The person who harmed me was a...

I identify as...

My sexual orientation is...

I identify as...

I was...

When this occurred I also experienced...

Welcome to Our Wave.

This is a space where survivors of trauma and abuse share their stories alongside supportive allies. These stories remind us that hope exists even in dark times. You are never alone in your experience. Healing is possible for everyone.

What feels like the right place to start today?
Story
From a survivor
🇬🇧

My Story

I met him when I was 4. We became friends quickly and so did our families ; my parents gave his family a voucher for him to join the same out of school sports group and it stayed like that for a good ten years . By this time we had gone to different secondary schools however we still saw each other at sports clubs once a week. Eventually we both quit and I began going to his house instead; soon we began dating. The communication between the two of us was terrible as expected at such a young age which led to lines being crossed. One of these lines was consent. I said no and expressed that I didn’t want to multiple times yet it was ignored and laughed off; he told me he wouldn’t talk to me if I didn’t and even set a timer for how long it would last saying it would only be quick. I went home and cried . It wasn’t a cry I’d experienced before- it’s truly indescribable. Despite this I remained with him however tried my very best to avoid anything similar occurring again. This didn’t work as it occurred I’d estimate another 3 times. You’d maybe wonder why I stayed with him; the simple answer is that I liked him and couldn’t comprehend what was happening to me. We eventually broke up for somewhat unrelated reasons and two years on i’m still dealing with the sexual trauma. For a while I questioned whether I was asexual however I came to the conclusion I wasn’t and instead I am simply sexually repulsed. He was the first person I was with and it has completely ruined my view on sex and intimacy. If someone else with a similar experience is reading this I read some advice this morning which helped me: Rape is not a form of sex. It is a form of assault. Sex feels good. Assault is traumatising.

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  • “It’s always okay to reach out for help”

    Story
    From a survivor
    🇬🇧

    The Light Bulb Turns On

    Ten days after my daughterX discharge from the hospital, where she had undergone brain surgeries for epilepsy, X was resting in her bedroom and my ex-husband asked me to help him buy something online. I said no (very unusual but I was fixing something for X. to eat) and he exploded, throwing hot coffee on me then trashing the kitchen. And for the first time, a light bulb went on in my mind. The light said, "This is going to stop." Once he saw that something fundamental had changed inside me - that I was indeed serious - he escalated his tactics week by week. We had been married for almost 20 years, and he was absolutely incredulous that I was leaving him. All he knew how to do in response was more assault, more threats, more stalking, more financial theft. He was out of his mind. At one point he stood on the steps outside our house screaming "Why didn't you abort the kids?" over and over. For about 6-8 months I'm pretty sure he was considering doing a murder/suicide. I had to leave everything behind to get away - the home, friends, my job. I sold everything of value that I owned. Since I had grown up in a home of domestic violence, I didn't understand it very well, even as I was being victimized. I didn't know that shoving someone, kicking someone, and throwing objects or hot liquid at someone are all against the law. I didn't know that insults, name-calling, and coercive sex aren't part of normal relationships. I didn't know how dishonest my ex-husband was (and is).

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  • “These moments in time, my brokenness, has been transformed into a mission. My voice used to help others. My experiences making an impact. I now choose to see power, strength, and even beauty in my story.”

    Story
    From a survivor
    🇬🇧

    We were friends.

    We were friends. That is what I told him when he tried to kiss me when I was drunk. He smiled and said he understood. We were friends. That is what I told him when I agreed to sleep off the alcohol at his as he insisted it wasn't safe for me to walk home. I felt a sense of relief and comfort when he smiled and said he understood. We were friends. That was what was running through my mind in those seconds that felt like hours when I slowly awoke to his hands down my pants and his soft moaning. We were friends. That was what I screamed as I ran out of his flat. We were friends. That is what I repeated to our social circle that relentlessly placed blame on me for being to 'flirty' or 'leading him on.' We were friends. The realisation that took time to reconcile and fully conceptualise. My perception of the world now shaded with nefarious hues. We were friends. That is what I told myself when I began to enjoy life again. A fleeting moment overshadowed by a watchful eye and a sense of alert that never really leaves me. We were friends. That is what I told myself when I took on the shame that wasn't mine to bear and made me doubt what I knew happened to me. We were friends. That is what I told people when I began to share my experience. Every word feeling like a toss of a stone I had carried around for far too long. We were friends. That is where I find my empowerment. The deepest violation of trust and respect, and yet, I survived.

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  • “To anyone facing something similar, you are not alone. You are worth so much and are loved by so many. You are so much stronger than you realize.”

    “I really hope sharing my story will help others in one way or another and I can certainly say that it will help me be more open with my story.”

    Message of Healing
    From a survivor
    🇬🇧

    For me talking to people i trust helped me heal

  • Report

  • Story
    From a survivor
    🇬🇧

    Surviving a whole year of abuse and rape

    Hello, I'm a young female I'm here to share my story of surviving domestic abuse and emotional abuse including rape, I also had a rough childhood being abroad when I was young and I was physically bullied by young boys, I still remember being physically kicked in the stomach and having my hair grabbed and pulled into lockers, large garbage bins and brick walls, knowing that no one will help me or support me while this is happening, what hurt more is your mother is seeing this happening, I am extremely quiet and reserved person and this was the start to my horrible life, I came back to UK and I was teased and picked on theough out the whole of my life, and back then I just turned 20 years and got my first boyfriend I've never had a boyfriend before so I didn't know the signs of a good relationship and a bad relationship, after a couple month my boyfriend turned into this sweet caring person into this controlling, Manipulative and emotionally abusing me, he refused me seeing any of my friends, at any cost I am a huge gamer fan and if I played games with my friends he would call me Constantly to make sure that all my focus is on him, I was slowly losing contact with my friends, to the point he was the only person I was allowed to talk, and then he forced me and pressured me to getting a implant to stop pregnancy, I was didn't want the implant or to have sex with him I was completely petrified of him but he started shouting and getting physically close if I didn't do it so out of fear I went to get the implant in, I still didn't want to have sex with him, fastward to my 21st birthday it was the big day I was 21, and my boyfriend forced me to come to his house so we can spend sometime with him and he asked me if the implant was in effect amd I told him yes which now after years of looking back I regret saying yes to him, he pushed me down the bed and forcing kissing me and touching me I was pushing him to get off but he grabbed my throat so I couldn't scream or say anything, he used his weight against mine and forcing my clothes to come off he then pinned me down so I can't fight back and particularly raped me on my birthday and the amount of pain I was in after him forcing himself on me and that I pretty much in so much pain and sore from the experience I was Traumatised of someone who I trusted who I would die for would do such a thing, after the experience I was bleeding non stopped of the sexual assault, I couldn't say anything of this with my family because of the Generation difference, the abuse Continued after that, I remember him holding my hand to the point it went from him squeezing my hand so hard and refunsed me talking to anyone not even to my best friend at the time, and he would hit when no-one was around, fastward to Valentine's day me and boyfriend at the time we went out to celebrate I was already scared of him but I must comply to his demands we were going into the restaurant and forbid me to eat and he was the only one to eat food and get me to paid for the food he ate as well, I refused to pay for the food and without any warning he so hard in the face which knocked me to floor with my eyes watering I paid for the food, to my horror that no-one would step in and protect me just sat there staring at me for this experience, we both left and I went home and I had to remind that nothing happened and even hiding my face from the trauma of being hit, Continued to remain normal with my family, the next day we both spend all evening 5 hours on a voice call but in Silence no one would say a thing in the call until one evening when I was wanted to be alone and have a quiet evening so I ended the call but to my surprise my boyfriend called me right back swearing and yelling and even shouting at me for ending the call without his permission, as this maybe me even more petrified of him and was scared of him no matter what mood he was in, and one day me and him were hanging out with his place and I bought him some food and he had a go at me for getting him the wrong food and turned his back to me until I came back with the food he wanted, so I did returned while a special request with the shop owner that is what he wanted and he came back with the item I wanted for him and I paid and walked out and I got back and showed and he grabbed the item from me not even thanking me for going through that trouble and and I was on edge with him the the rest of the time I was there, he turned around and started kissing me and I told him no I was feeling a bit under the weather and feeling sore he back off turning his back to me then all a sudden he turns and grabs me and pinned me down and started sexually assaulting me, as I was crying from the pain, after a whole year of this abuse as I ended it with him, I was so petrified of him because he was so angry when I ended and then he started accusing me that I was cheating on me which I don't believe in cheating I've never believed in it, and he still continues to accusing me of cheating, which I denied this was happening and he would pick fights with me I was so scared of him already but I continued to stay strong because of my family then he would started using pictures of me I was wearing dresses which owned and started saying I was Exploiting or showing guys that I wanted s*x from.them which was not true and the worse of it my mum was already manipulated by him and she told me off because of he was saying when she didn't even let me explain and I've never felt alone, I couldn't tell anyone of my experience of abuse and sexual assault to my family because they would judge me saying this my fault and I let this happen after ward two weeks he started trying to Stalk me on dating websites to try and to control who I was seeing under his control and the next day my friend decided for me to travel on another bus then him and we both sat down and he then suddenly got on the same bus, I was so scared at this point where I was shaking and my friend was distracting me and when we got off my stop my friend came with me to make sure I got home safe, and I saw the bus leave my friend and me were waiting for my mum when to my horror my ex came charging at me with his hands on the air and the rage in his eyes and tongue out and started having a go at me saying I have explaining to do when I have no explanation to him he didn't deserve my explanation as my Friend started talking to him and telling to go to the police about his state then he walked off and my mum arrived and took my friend home and we got home and that I've never been so scared after a couple of weeks the last thing my ex boyfriend said to me after walking past me on my normal bus and he quickly said to me "I must go die" and how this guy has ruined my life, after 9 years going on 10 years I've been pretty much alone not being able to talk to anyone amd this guy is able to kill me with the way he use to hit me and assault me thinking he was in the right, so after 9 years going on 10 years I have reminded in hiding and I live in a different county now but the effects of this still remain after the whole year of his abuse as affected me for the rest of my life, i even ended up in another relationship with a guy but he was the exactly the same as my first ex and now my trust is completely destroyed in my life and now I will still be friends with men but no longer get close or even start a relationship with any men, I am now left with PDSD, my anxiety is through the room, I suffer with flash backs of his abuse, but I still haven't told my family of the abuse I went through amd I still hear the word my last ex told me to go die, but I can tell you now I've done this courage to write out for people to hear my story and if your going through is your not alone and if i managed to get out of two abusive relationship you can as well amd it's been a real eye opener for me and since ive been alone I've never felt so safe because no one can hurt me unfortunately I do suffer with crying outburst or extreme mental breakdowns because of this abuse amd trauma. And this is my story

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  • Message of Healing
    From a survivor
    🇬🇧

    Starting to enjoy life, if one day is bad then tomorrow is a new day

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  • You are wonderful, strong, and worthy. From one survivor to another.

    Story
    From a survivor
    🇬🇧

    Life as a looked after child

    I am a looked after child. Well, that is what most people know me for. Being looked after is not this lucky life where you have two families, it is a life that no one wishes for. When I was little, I thought it was a good thing, something to be thankful for. I am thankful but not in all aspects. I hate being known as a looked after child and I have my reasons. In primary school I was put in a corner. None of the teachers believed in me. Most of them gave up on me. The truth is, I missed quite a big chunk of my education as a little girl as my birth mother did not take me to school a lot of the time. So, when I finally got the chance to go to school, I was quite a bit behind than the rest. I agree, I was challenging as I did not know the things I should at the age of 6. But my carers (who I now call mum and dad) believed in me, they helped me read and write. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be where I am today. So going back to what I was saying; I was put in a corner and at the time I thought that’s what I was meant to do- dress up all day long with a bit of carpet time here and there. But I’ve grown to know that this was very wrong. In high school I was put with all the looked after children. To me it was just like meeting new people but in my parents eyes it was me being put with the rest. People think that because you are looked after, you won’t excel in life like everyone else. They are wrong. I have proved that this is wrong. I put my head down and worked at my best ability, I am determined to achieve high in life and no one is taking that from me. See being fostered is all good. There is the bad parts too. I feel like I am stuck between two families. One I love and one I don’t know anymore. My birth mums life is like a shadow to me, I don’t know of it. Where I am now is my home and no one can take this from me. This is my story. Sometimes, I just want to be normal. one family and jobs a good one. But no I can't. This is me and if those around me don't like it then they shouldn't stick around. I am still a human. Nothing different. Just a horrible past.

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  • “Healing means forgiving myself for all the things I may have gotten wrong in the moment.”

    Story
    From a survivor
    🇬🇧

    Part one of my story: the meeting and financial abuse

    PART ONE: I started to date someone, we i met on a dating app. We video called every day for a month before we met. During that time, i fall for his charms and believed everything he said about himself, although looking back now there was already red flags... for example a couple of lies and not telling me certain details many people wouldn't hesitate to answer in normal situations. When we arranged meeting up, he didn't give me a choice, asking me to go to him. At the time i understood as someone close to him had a personal situation and he needed to be near by. There is a little language barrier because he is from another country, but apart from that the date went really well. He paid for everything and made me feel special. However, things just got weirder... He had told me he was looking for a job, so he was short on money- so i told him i would support when needed, even though i am on apprentice wage myself. At first it started off okay, just little bits of money here and there for little bits he couldn't quite afford. But he started to ask for bigger amounts. i would ask him why he needs that much or if i challenge it because it doesn't seem right, he would manipulate me and use coercion to get to me. Once it worked once, it became and often event, leaving me with no money. It got to the point when it was my time to go to him, i wasn't able to pay for my train. When I told him I was struggling to pay for my trains, he turned on me, gas-lighting and guilt tripping me. This led to me feeling bad and I having to dig into my savings to be able to go and visit him. This became a regular occurrence. (To be continued if possible, the most painful bits I am not ready to share just yet 💔)

  • Report

  • Healing is not linear. It is different for everyone. It is important that we stay patient with ourselves when setbacks occur in our process. Forgive yourself for everything that may go wrong along the way.

    If you are reading this, you have survived 100% of your worst days. You’re doing great.

    Story
    From a survivor
    🇬🇧

    Not Sleeping soundly

    I look back and am plagued by doubt. It’s less now but still it creeps in - did it happen? Was I too sensitive? Maybe I made too much of it? Have I remembered it wrong? What I know to be true is how I felt and continue to feel when he is mentioned or I see him. FEAR. It’s been 2 years and I still think about if he will like what I am wearing or will have a comment to make. I question my reality - ‘did that happen? Did I say that?’ In lost interactions with him. I met him on line 14 years ago. Things moved quickly, ish. I didn’t see it then but looking back he was ALWAYS there. He gave his friend keys to my flat and I arrived home with it tidied and reorganized. He thought I was messy and that it was a nice thing to do. I felt utterly overwhelmed and very uncomfortable with this but stayed and thanked him as I was left feeling ungrateful. Interestingly I didn’t introduce him to my friends - in fact I kept him quite separate. I think I knew that I didn’t want them to meet him as something was off and they would probably see it and point it out. Or maybe o was afraid that they wouldn’t see it and wouldn’t point it out so it would make me feel even crazier. He didn’t like how I breathed in his direction in bed. He didn’t like how I fiddled with things. (These all felt ok to change for him……. I really had no self love and held myself with very little worth). The first physical element to the abuse (which I can now name as such) was a confusing incident at the time. He was napping and I woke him and he grabbed me by the throat. I was so shocked and I wanted to run a mile but ended up being told that it was my fault as I woke him too quickly. I was brainwashed already (3 months in). I was hard wired for this though as I had be taught not to trust my instincts - how dangerous this was. I stayed for 12 years, 2 children and gradually faded away. I dreamed of leaving, I said I would over and over and I nearly did once but it took so much courage to do it. I was terrified of the financial implications. I was isolated. I was exhausted. And I did it. He would have ‘waking dreams’ during which he would scream at me, push me, throw things, terrify me but would not remember them in the morning or want to talk about them. He would say ‘ well it wasn’t me, I was asleep’. I went to bed in fear most nights. There were never any bruises you could see but so much had been pulverized internally for me. I was on life support. This is part of my story . A start. It continues as he is in my life as our kids are young. The emotional and psychological abuse continues but I am doing the work to reposition myself. I am taking responsibility for my part in my journey and this is both empowering and exhausting. This abuse is very misunderstood- it is dangerous and invisible. I am learning to believe myself and look to myself for validation and answers. With love

  • Report

  • Message of Hope
    From a survivor
    🇬🇧

    I think anyone who can overcome this kind of trauma is amazing.

  • Report

  • Welcome to Our Wave.

    This is a space where survivors of trauma and abuse share their stories alongside supportive allies. These stories remind us that hope exists even in dark times. You are never alone in your experience. Healing is possible for everyone.

    What feels like the right place to start today?
    Message of Healing
    From a survivor
    🇬🇧

    For me talking to people i trust helped me heal

  • Report

  • Story
    From a survivor
    🇬🇧

    Life as a looked after child

    I am a looked after child. Well, that is what most people know me for. Being looked after is not this lucky life where you have two families, it is a life that no one wishes for. When I was little, I thought it was a good thing, something to be thankful for. I am thankful but not in all aspects. I hate being known as a looked after child and I have my reasons. In primary school I was put in a corner. None of the teachers believed in me. Most of them gave up on me. The truth is, I missed quite a big chunk of my education as a little girl as my birth mother did not take me to school a lot of the time. So, when I finally got the chance to go to school, I was quite a bit behind than the rest. I agree, I was challenging as I did not know the things I should at the age of 6. But my carers (who I now call mum and dad) believed in me, they helped me read and write. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be where I am today. So going back to what I was saying; I was put in a corner and at the time I thought that’s what I was meant to do- dress up all day long with a bit of carpet time here and there. But I’ve grown to know that this was very wrong. In high school I was put with all the looked after children. To me it was just like meeting new people but in my parents eyes it was me being put with the rest. People think that because you are looked after, you won’t excel in life like everyone else. They are wrong. I have proved that this is wrong. I put my head down and worked at my best ability, I am determined to achieve high in life and no one is taking that from me. See being fostered is all good. There is the bad parts too. I feel like I am stuck between two families. One I love and one I don’t know anymore. My birth mums life is like a shadow to me, I don’t know of it. Where I am now is my home and no one can take this from me. This is my story. Sometimes, I just want to be normal. one family and jobs a good one. But no I can't. This is me and if those around me don't like it then they shouldn't stick around. I am still a human. Nothing different. Just a horrible past.

  • Report

  • Story
    From a survivor
    🇬🇧

    Part one of my story: the meeting and financial abuse

    PART ONE: I started to date someone, we i met on a dating app. We video called every day for a month before we met. During that time, i fall for his charms and believed everything he said about himself, although looking back now there was already red flags... for example a couple of lies and not telling me certain details many people wouldn't hesitate to answer in normal situations. When we arranged meeting up, he didn't give me a choice, asking me to go to him. At the time i understood as someone close to him had a personal situation and he needed to be near by. There is a little language barrier because he is from another country, but apart from that the date went really well. He paid for everything and made me feel special. However, things just got weirder... He had told me he was looking for a job, so he was short on money- so i told him i would support when needed, even though i am on apprentice wage myself. At first it started off okay, just little bits of money here and there for little bits he couldn't quite afford. But he started to ask for bigger amounts. i would ask him why he needs that much or if i challenge it because it doesn't seem right, he would manipulate me and use coercion to get to me. Once it worked once, it became and often event, leaving me with no money. It got to the point when it was my time to go to him, i wasn't able to pay for my train. When I told him I was struggling to pay for my trains, he turned on me, gas-lighting and guilt tripping me. This led to me feeling bad and I having to dig into my savings to be able to go and visit him. This became a regular occurrence. (To be continued if possible, the most painful bits I am not ready to share just yet 💔)

  • Report

  • Message of Hope
    From a survivor
    🇬🇧

    I think anyone who can overcome this kind of trauma is amazing.

  • Report

  • Story
    From a survivor
    🇬🇧

    My Story

    I met him when I was 4. We became friends quickly and so did our families ; my parents gave his family a voucher for him to join the same out of school sports group and it stayed like that for a good ten years . By this time we had gone to different secondary schools however we still saw each other at sports clubs once a week. Eventually we both quit and I began going to his house instead; soon we began dating. The communication between the two of us was terrible as expected at such a young age which led to lines being crossed. One of these lines was consent. I said no and expressed that I didn’t want to multiple times yet it was ignored and laughed off; he told me he wouldn’t talk to me if I didn’t and even set a timer for how long it would last saying it would only be quick. I went home and cried . It wasn’t a cry I’d experienced before- it’s truly indescribable. Despite this I remained with him however tried my very best to avoid anything similar occurring again. This didn’t work as it occurred I’d estimate another 3 times. You’d maybe wonder why I stayed with him; the simple answer is that I liked him and couldn’t comprehend what was happening to me. We eventually broke up for somewhat unrelated reasons and two years on i’m still dealing with the sexual trauma. For a while I questioned whether I was asexual however I came to the conclusion I wasn’t and instead I am simply sexually repulsed. He was the first person I was with and it has completely ruined my view on sex and intimacy. If someone else with a similar experience is reading this I read some advice this morning which helped me: Rape is not a form of sex. It is a form of assault. Sex feels good. Assault is traumatising.

  • Report

  • “It’s always okay to reach out for help”

    “These moments in time, my brokenness, has been transformed into a mission. My voice used to help others. My experiences making an impact. I now choose to see power, strength, and even beauty in my story.”

    Story
    From a survivor
    🇬🇧

    We were friends.

    We were friends. That is what I told him when he tried to kiss me when I was drunk. He smiled and said he understood. We were friends. That is what I told him when I agreed to sleep off the alcohol at his as he insisted it wasn't safe for me to walk home. I felt a sense of relief and comfort when he smiled and said he understood. We were friends. That was what was running through my mind in those seconds that felt like hours when I slowly awoke to his hands down my pants and his soft moaning. We were friends. That was what I screamed as I ran out of his flat. We were friends. That is what I repeated to our social circle that relentlessly placed blame on me for being to 'flirty' or 'leading him on.' We were friends. The realisation that took time to reconcile and fully conceptualise. My perception of the world now shaded with nefarious hues. We were friends. That is what I told myself when I began to enjoy life again. A fleeting moment overshadowed by a watchful eye and a sense of alert that never really leaves me. We were friends. That is what I told myself when I took on the shame that wasn't mine to bear and made me doubt what I knew happened to me. We were friends. That is what I told people when I began to share my experience. Every word feeling like a toss of a stone I had carried around for far too long. We were friends. That is where I find my empowerment. The deepest violation of trust and respect, and yet, I survived.

  • Report

  • “To anyone facing something similar, you are not alone. You are worth so much and are loved by so many. You are so much stronger than you realize.”

    “I really hope sharing my story will help others in one way or another and I can certainly say that it will help me be more open with my story.”

    Story
    From a survivor
    🇬🇧

    Surviving a whole year of abuse and rape

    Hello, I'm a young female I'm here to share my story of surviving domestic abuse and emotional abuse including rape, I also had a rough childhood being abroad when I was young and I was physically bullied by young boys, I still remember being physically kicked in the stomach and having my hair grabbed and pulled into lockers, large garbage bins and brick walls, knowing that no one will help me or support me while this is happening, what hurt more is your mother is seeing this happening, I am extremely quiet and reserved person and this was the start to my horrible life, I came back to UK and I was teased and picked on theough out the whole of my life, and back then I just turned 20 years and got my first boyfriend I've never had a boyfriend before so I didn't know the signs of a good relationship and a bad relationship, after a couple month my boyfriend turned into this sweet caring person into this controlling, Manipulative and emotionally abusing me, he refused me seeing any of my friends, at any cost I am a huge gamer fan and if I played games with my friends he would call me Constantly to make sure that all my focus is on him, I was slowly losing contact with my friends, to the point he was the only person I was allowed to talk, and then he forced me and pressured me to getting a implant to stop pregnancy, I was didn't want the implant or to have sex with him I was completely petrified of him but he started shouting and getting physically close if I didn't do it so out of fear I went to get the implant in, I still didn't want to have sex with him, fastward to my 21st birthday it was the big day I was 21, and my boyfriend forced me to come to his house so we can spend sometime with him and he asked me if the implant was in effect amd I told him yes which now after years of looking back I regret saying yes to him, he pushed me down the bed and forcing kissing me and touching me I was pushing him to get off but he grabbed my throat so I couldn't scream or say anything, he used his weight against mine and forcing my clothes to come off he then pinned me down so I can't fight back and particularly raped me on my birthday and the amount of pain I was in after him forcing himself on me and that I pretty much in so much pain and sore from the experience I was Traumatised of someone who I trusted who I would die for would do such a thing, after the experience I was bleeding non stopped of the sexual assault, I couldn't say anything of this with my family because of the Generation difference, the abuse Continued after that, I remember him holding my hand to the point it went from him squeezing my hand so hard and refunsed me talking to anyone not even to my best friend at the time, and he would hit when no-one was around, fastward to Valentine's day me and boyfriend at the time we went out to celebrate I was already scared of him but I must comply to his demands we were going into the restaurant and forbid me to eat and he was the only one to eat food and get me to paid for the food he ate as well, I refused to pay for the food and without any warning he so hard in the face which knocked me to floor with my eyes watering I paid for the food, to my horror that no-one would step in and protect me just sat there staring at me for this experience, we both left and I went home and I had to remind that nothing happened and even hiding my face from the trauma of being hit, Continued to remain normal with my family, the next day we both spend all evening 5 hours on a voice call but in Silence no one would say a thing in the call until one evening when I was wanted to be alone and have a quiet evening so I ended the call but to my surprise my boyfriend called me right back swearing and yelling and even shouting at me for ending the call without his permission, as this maybe me even more petrified of him and was scared of him no matter what mood he was in, and one day me and him were hanging out with his place and I bought him some food and he had a go at me for getting him the wrong food and turned his back to me until I came back with the food he wanted, so I did returned while a special request with the shop owner that is what he wanted and he came back with the item I wanted for him and I paid and walked out and I got back and showed and he grabbed the item from me not even thanking me for going through that trouble and and I was on edge with him the the rest of the time I was there, he turned around and started kissing me and I told him no I was feeling a bit under the weather and feeling sore he back off turning his back to me then all a sudden he turns and grabs me and pinned me down and started sexually assaulting me, as I was crying from the pain, after a whole year of this abuse as I ended it with him, I was so petrified of him because he was so angry when I ended and then he started accusing me that I was cheating on me which I don't believe in cheating I've never believed in it, and he still continues to accusing me of cheating, which I denied this was happening and he would pick fights with me I was so scared of him already but I continued to stay strong because of my family then he would started using pictures of me I was wearing dresses which owned and started saying I was Exploiting or showing guys that I wanted s*x from.them which was not true and the worse of it my mum was already manipulated by him and she told me off because of he was saying when she didn't even let me explain and I've never felt alone, I couldn't tell anyone of my experience of abuse and sexual assault to my family because they would judge me saying this my fault and I let this happen after ward two weeks he started trying to Stalk me on dating websites to try and to control who I was seeing under his control and the next day my friend decided for me to travel on another bus then him and we both sat down and he then suddenly got on the same bus, I was so scared at this point where I was shaking and my friend was distracting me and when we got off my stop my friend came with me to make sure I got home safe, and I saw the bus leave my friend and me were waiting for my mum when to my horror my ex came charging at me with his hands on the air and the rage in his eyes and tongue out and started having a go at me saying I have explaining to do when I have no explanation to him he didn't deserve my explanation as my Friend started talking to him and telling to go to the police about his state then he walked off and my mum arrived and took my friend home and we got home and that I've never been so scared after a couple of weeks the last thing my ex boyfriend said to me after walking past me on my normal bus and he quickly said to me "I must go die" and how this guy has ruined my life, after 9 years going on 10 years I've been pretty much alone not being able to talk to anyone amd this guy is able to kill me with the way he use to hit me and assault me thinking he was in the right, so after 9 years going on 10 years I have reminded in hiding and I live in a different county now but the effects of this still remain after the whole year of his abuse as affected me for the rest of my life, i even ended up in another relationship with a guy but he was the exactly the same as my first ex and now my trust is completely destroyed in my life and now I will still be friends with men but no longer get close or even start a relationship with any men, I am now left with PDSD, my anxiety is through the room, I suffer with flash backs of his abuse, but I still haven't told my family of the abuse I went through amd I still hear the word my last ex told me to go die, but I can tell you now I've done this courage to write out for people to hear my story and if your going through is your not alone and if i managed to get out of two abusive relationship you can as well amd it's been a real eye opener for me and since ive been alone I've never felt so safe because no one can hurt me unfortunately I do suffer with crying outburst or extreme mental breakdowns because of this abuse amd trauma. And this is my story

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  • You are wonderful, strong, and worthy. From one survivor to another.

    “Healing means forgiving myself for all the things I may have gotten wrong in the moment.”

    Healing is not linear. It is different for everyone. It is important that we stay patient with ourselves when setbacks occur in our process. Forgive yourself for everything that may go wrong along the way.

    If you are reading this, you have survived 100% of your worst days. You’re doing great.

    Story
    From a survivor
    🇬🇧

    The Light Bulb Turns On

    Ten days after my daughterX discharge from the hospital, where she had undergone brain surgeries for epilepsy, X was resting in her bedroom and my ex-husband asked me to help him buy something online. I said no (very unusual but I was fixing something for X. to eat) and he exploded, throwing hot coffee on me then trashing the kitchen. And for the first time, a light bulb went on in my mind. The light said, "This is going to stop." Once he saw that something fundamental had changed inside me - that I was indeed serious - he escalated his tactics week by week. We had been married for almost 20 years, and he was absolutely incredulous that I was leaving him. All he knew how to do in response was more assault, more threats, more stalking, more financial theft. He was out of his mind. At one point he stood on the steps outside our house screaming "Why didn't you abort the kids?" over and over. For about 6-8 months I'm pretty sure he was considering doing a murder/suicide. I had to leave everything behind to get away - the home, friends, my job. I sold everything of value that I owned. Since I had grown up in a home of domestic violence, I didn't understand it very well, even as I was being victimized. I didn't know that shoving someone, kicking someone, and throwing objects or hot liquid at someone are all against the law. I didn't know that insults, name-calling, and coercive sex aren't part of normal relationships. I didn't know how dishonest my ex-husband was (and is).

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  • Message of Healing
    From a survivor
    🇬🇧

    Starting to enjoy life, if one day is bad then tomorrow is a new day

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  • Story
    From a survivor
    🇬🇧

    Not Sleeping soundly

    I look back and am plagued by doubt. It’s less now but still it creeps in - did it happen? Was I too sensitive? Maybe I made too much of it? Have I remembered it wrong? What I know to be true is how I felt and continue to feel when he is mentioned or I see him. FEAR. It’s been 2 years and I still think about if he will like what I am wearing or will have a comment to make. I question my reality - ‘did that happen? Did I say that?’ In lost interactions with him. I met him on line 14 years ago. Things moved quickly, ish. I didn’t see it then but looking back he was ALWAYS there. He gave his friend keys to my flat and I arrived home with it tidied and reorganized. He thought I was messy and that it was a nice thing to do. I felt utterly overwhelmed and very uncomfortable with this but stayed and thanked him as I was left feeling ungrateful. Interestingly I didn’t introduce him to my friends - in fact I kept him quite separate. I think I knew that I didn’t want them to meet him as something was off and they would probably see it and point it out. Or maybe o was afraid that they wouldn’t see it and wouldn’t point it out so it would make me feel even crazier. He didn’t like how I breathed in his direction in bed. He didn’t like how I fiddled with things. (These all felt ok to change for him……. I really had no self love and held myself with very little worth). The first physical element to the abuse (which I can now name as such) was a confusing incident at the time. He was napping and I woke him and he grabbed me by the throat. I was so shocked and I wanted to run a mile but ended up being told that it was my fault as I woke him too quickly. I was brainwashed already (3 months in). I was hard wired for this though as I had be taught not to trust my instincts - how dangerous this was. I stayed for 12 years, 2 children and gradually faded away. I dreamed of leaving, I said I would over and over and I nearly did once but it took so much courage to do it. I was terrified of the financial implications. I was isolated. I was exhausted. And I did it. He would have ‘waking dreams’ during which he would scream at me, push me, throw things, terrify me but would not remember them in the morning or want to talk about them. He would say ‘ well it wasn’t me, I was asleep’. I went to bed in fear most nights. There were never any bruises you could see but so much had been pulverized internally for me. I was on life support. This is part of my story . A start. It continues as he is in my life as our kids are young. The emotional and psychological abuse continues but I am doing the work to reposition myself. I am taking responsibility for my part in my journey and this is both empowering and exhausting. This abuse is very misunderstood- it is dangerous and invisible. I am learning to believe myself and look to myself for validation and answers. With love

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    Grounding activity

    Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

    5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

    4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

    3 – things you can hear

    2 – things you can smell

    1 – thing you like about yourself.

    Take a deep breath to end.

    From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

    Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

    Take a deep breath to end.

    Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

    1. Where am I?

    2. What day of the week is today?

    3. What is today’s date?

    4. What is the current month?

    5. What is the current year?

    6. How old am I?

    7. What season is it?

    Take a deep breath to end.

    Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

    Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

    Take a deep breath to end.

    Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

    Take a deep breath to end.