My Story — I Just Want a Safe Life for My Children
I am sharing my story anonymously because I am afraid that people from my past may recognise me. Some details have been changed or left out to protect me and my children. The experiences and feelings I describe are my own.
For most of my life, I have kept my pain inside.
I have carried things that I never told anyone because I was frightened, ashamed, or simply didn't know how to explain everything that had happened to me.
Today, I am finally trying to tell my story.
Not because I want revenge.
Not because I want people to feel sorry for me.
I just want someone to hear me.
My childhood
When I was a young child, I was expected to clean the house, wash clothes, iron and cook.
If something wasn't done exactly the way my mother wanted, I would be punished.
I remember being beaten with spoons and other objects. I would have bruises on my body and would try to hide them.
I was frightened in my own home.
Sometimes I was thrown outside without proper clothes or shoes, even when it was cold and getting dark. I remember hiding underneath a tree because I was scared.
One of the few places where I felt safe was when my uncle would take me to his house. I looked forward to those visits because I knew I would have some peace.
I also felt that my siblings were treated differently from me. I was made to feel that I was less wanted because my mother had wanted a boy when I was born.
For years, I wondered what I had done wrong.
I was only a child.
I had done nothing wrong.
A decision that was never mine
When I was a teenager, my family told me we were going on holiday.
I wanted to finish my education first.
Instead, I was taken abroad and discovered that the real reason for the trip was that I was going to be married.
I was still very young.
I tried to convince myself that perhaps marriage would give me the loving family I had always wanted.
Very quickly, I discovered that my new husband was not the person I had hoped he would be.
When I told my family what was happening, I was told that things would become better.
I didn't want him to come and live with me.
My wishes were ignored.
My first marriage
When I returned home, I was expected to work and look after everything.
My money was controlled.
I was expected to work long hours and still cook, clean and look after my husband.
When I couldn't meet all the expectations placed on me, I was shouted at, insulted and physically abused.
I also experienced sexual violence. I did not consent, but my wishes were ignored.
Eventually, I was thrown out.
I managed to find somewhere safe to stay for a short time.
I thought perhaps my life was finally going to change.
But I was persuaded to return.
Later, I was taken abroad again and left there for a long period because I would not agree to live with my husband.
I was heartbroken and frightened.
Eventually, under pressure, I agreed.
My children
I eventually became a mother.
My children became my whole world.
Their father was violent towards me, and there were times when I had to put myself between him and the children to stop him from hurting them.
I was terrified, but I would never allow someone to hurt my children if I could protect them.
After years of cheating, violence, shouting and fear, my husband eventually left.
I felt relieved.
Then he returned.
People around me told me that he had changed and that I should give him another chance.
I didn't want to.
My children and I were frightened.
Then came the night that I will never forget.
While I was working, one of my children contacted me and warned me not to come home because they were afraid their father was going to kill me.
When I returned home, I was attacked.
I was hit, thrown against furniture and injured.
At one point, a knife was held against my throat and I was threatened.
My children were terrified.
They helped me find a way to keep him distracted long enough for help to arrive.
I remember praying that the police would come before something happened that could never be undone.
Eventually, there was a knock at the door.
The police arrived.
He was arrested.
I was shaking and crying. My body was hurting and I was terrified.
I was taken to hospital.
My children and I were then moved somewhere safe.
For the first time in a long time, we had some distance from the danger.
Starting again
After many months away, we returned home.
I hoped we could finally rebuild our lives.
Instead, our belongings were removed.
Furniture was thrown away.
My children's belongings were sold.
I was told that we did not deserve comfortable things and that we could sit and sleep on the floor.
I was devastated.
But the next morning, I got up and bought basic food for my children.
That was when I decided I had to work.
I found a job working nights.
I arranged childcare and built my entire life around my children.
I would work through the night, come home, get my children ready for school, take them to school, sleep for a few hours, wake up to cook and clean, collect them, feed them, take them to their activities, put them to bed and then go back to work.
I was exhausted.
But I did it because my children needed me.
Losing our home
While I was trying to rebuild our lives, I also suffered serious financial difficulties involving people close to me.
I had worked hard to build a home for my children.
I had invested years of work and money into making it a safe and happy place.
Then I discovered that arrangements had been made for the house to be transferred to another family member without my agreement.
I came home from work and was told that the house had been sold.
I couldn't believe it.
That house wasn't just a building.
It was where my children had grown up.
It was where I had tried to create the home and family I had never had as a child.
I had spent years making it ours.
Suddenly, it was gone.
My children and I had nowhere to go.
We stayed with family for a while, where we were made to sleep on the floor.
Eventually, I went to the council for help.
My children and I were placed in temporary accommodation.
We had very little privacy and were struggling to cope.
Eventually, we were given somewhere to live.
I continued working wherever I could.
I worked in care and took other jobs when I needed to.
I did whatever I could to support my children.
Trying to find love again
My family continued to pressure me to marry again.
I didn't want another marriage.
I was frightened of going through the same things again.
But people around me kept telling me that I should give someone else a chance.
Eventually, I agreed to marry a man who had been described to me as kind and caring.
At first, he seemed wonderful.
I thought perhaps I had finally found the person I had spent my whole life waiting for.
Then I became pregnant.
Things changed.
He began asking me for money.
He became angry and verbally abusive.
He wanted me to arrange for him to come and live with me.
I was pregnant and unable to work normally.
I couldn't understand why someone who had seemed so kind was treating me this way.
I asked people for help and was told to keep him happy and do what he wanted.
It felt like my past was repeating itself.
When I gave birth by Caesarean section, I was still in hospital when he said something that broke my heart.
I had just given birth to our son.
Instead of feeling loved and supported, I was made to feel worthless.
After that, he continued to be kind mainly when he wanted money.
I was paying for things and trying to provide for my child.
Eventually, I discovered evidence that he had been involved with another woman.
Once again, my heart was broken.
I had believed that this marriage would be different.
Eventually, he left.
Where I am today
Today, I am raising four children.
I have spent years working whenever I could to provide for them.
But recently, everything changed again.
I became seriously unwell and was diagnosed with blood clots affecting both lungs.
Because of my health, I am currently unable to work.
This has been frightening.
Working has always been how I have tried to keep our lives going. Now I am unable to do what I have always done while still having the responsibility of caring for my children.
Everyday life has become a struggle.
After everything I have already survived, I never imagined that my health would become another battle.
But I am still here.
I am still trying to look after my children and find a way forward.
For years, I blamed myself and wondered whether there was something wrong with me.
I am beginning to understand that being mistreated did not mean I deserved to be mistreated.
I was a child who deserved protection.
I was a young woman who deserved a choice.
I was a wife who deserved safety and respect.
I am a mother who deserves a safe and stable home for her children.
I don't want revenge.
I don't want to hurt anyone.
I don't want pity.
I simply want my story to be heard.
I want my children to grow up feeling safe, loved and protected.
This is my story.
For the first time, I am letting it be heard.
