Community

Hi, I'm Name, and this is my story. If I was to go back to 8 years old me and tell her everything that was waiting for her in the future. She wouldn’t believe you… She wouldn’t be able to understand how something so objectively wrong could happen to someone so sweet and innocent like herself. Growing up I have realised that a lot of shit happens to a lot of people. It’s life, and we are put here to experience life, but that doesn’t mean we should be silent about the bad things that we go through. Change starts with one person at a time… In September 2021, I was spiked , sexually assaulted and robbed in the same night. I had been out with a friend and we had met two guys. I remembered everything up until this very moment but the rest was in blurry snippets. I had no control of what was happening when I was snapping in and out of consciousness. I woke up the next morning in a panic with my clothes stripped from my body. My phone and macbook had been taken from my bedroom and my front door was wide open. Life suddenly became very scary and very confusing. The experience didn’t just stop at the assault. There was so much more to come. DNA testing, interviews after interviews with the police, getting told it was his word against mine, getting told I would just be seen as a drunk uni student… The list was endless. I was forced to move out of my house because I couldn't bear to live there anymore. I couldn't sleep in that bedroom anymore. I would never be able to feel safe in that home again. At that time , I felt absolutely disgusted with myself. I felt ashamed and worthless and even felt strange around my own family for a while, I couldn't look at myself without feeling sick. All I could picture was 8 year old me. That little innocent girl, full of so much purity, love and happiness. Someone did that to her… I suffered with PTSD for a while and this affected every aspect of my life, including my sex life, self worth, education and mental health. I am now experiencing PTG ( Post Traumatic Growth ) . PTG is the positive psychological growth that a person might experience after enduring a traumatic event. Recently I have seen a shift in how I view life. I have become more spiritually aware and can control my emotions better than ever. I do this by observing my thoughts which I practise through meditation. This allows me to see the positive outcomes of any situation. I have stopped asking “Why did this have to happen to me?” and started asking “Why is this happening?”. I’ve begun channelling my emotions through my Design practice which has led me to have a stronger outlook on my situation. However I realise that this is not the case for many other women and I feel lucky to have gotten where I am mentally. I want to tell my story , not just for me but for other women. For all the women that have experienced any form or sexual assault or harassment. I want you to know that it’s not okay. It's not normal and we shouldn't be quiet about it. These are our bodies and our vessels and nobody should ever be able to just do what they want with it and say what they want about it. It's not right. We shouldn't have to feel unsafe walking home at night, we shouldn't have to hold our keys in between our knuckles, we shouldn't have to avoid certain routes home because of the lighting in the area, we shouldn't have to pull down our skirts to stop men from getting aroused, we shouldn’t have to cover our drinks when we go out, we shouldn't have to pretend to be on the phone in order to feel safe, we shouldn't have to avoid getting on public transport because we are scared of getting groped, we shouldn't be verbally and physically abused… We shouldn't have to stay silent. I’m not going to stay silent

This guy was my best friend. He knew everything I was dealing with. He was the reason I got out of the abusive place I was in. Less than 2 weeks after I got out of that abusive place, he raped me when I needed a safe place to stay. I had trusted him so much with absolutely everything and he not only violated me, but my trust aswell. He then text me the day after telling me not to tell anyone what happened. But I didn't remember anything about what happened until 5 days after it happened. He denied and denied and denied when I confronted him until eventually he admitted to what he did. Its been numberyears and I still can't walk around my hometown alone anymore out of fear, I can't hear his name or see anything remotely near to what he was wearing or I was wearing. But I'm in therapy now and it's making me realise so much. I'm working on trusting the world again. I didn't deserve it. No one does. As difficult and painful it is to deal with something like this, we can all survive. We can get through it. Someone wants to listen to your story. Someone wants to help. Don't deal with it alone xx

Ten days after my daughterX discharge from the hospital, where she had undergone brain surgeries for epilepsy, X was resting in her bedroom and my ex-husband asked me to help him buy something online. I said no (very unusual but I was fixing something for X. to eat) and he exploded, throwing hot coffee on me then trashing the kitchen. And for the first time, a light bulb went on in my mind. The light said, "This is going to stop." Once he saw that something fundamental had changed inside me - that I was indeed serious - he escalated his tactics week by week. We had been married for almost 20 years, and he was absolutely incredulous that I was leaving him. All he knew how to do in response was more assault, more threats, more stalking, more financial theft. He was out of his mind. At one point he stood on the steps outside our house screaming "Why didn't you abort the kids?" over and over. For about 6-8 months I'm pretty sure he was considering doing a murder/suicide. I had to leave everything behind to get away - the home, friends, my job. I sold everything of value that I owned. Since I had grown up in a home of domestic violence, I didn't understand it very well, even as I was being victimized. I didn't know that shoving someone, kicking someone, and throwing objects or hot liquid at someone are all against the law. I didn't know that insults, name-calling, and coercive sex aren't part of normal relationships. I didn't know how dishonest my ex-husband was (and is).

When I (f 24) was around 7 years old, my older step cousin (m) who was around 9/10 would often initiate kissing with me as a 'game' at the time I found nothing wrong with it. id often ask when we were going to play the game again, merely to feel included. it used to go further, sometimes with him undressing me, touching my chest, making remarks such as 'I can't wait for these to get bigger" as well as touching my lower areas. I always used to refuse to do more when he would ask, and I can't remember what age it stopped, probably around 9/10. when I turned 11 I became violent toward him, usually when he was around my younger female cousins, causing me to lash out. I ignored this up until my mid teens, only then thinking of what happened, and confronting him, where he stated "that never happened". after that I moved on, and ignored it, up until last year. I went to stay at my aunts house, I had a good enough relationship with him where we would go out for occasional drinks together with our other cousins. this one night I went to stay at my aunts where he lives, and he tried to kiss me and grope me. when I asked what he was doing, he responded "don't you remember we used to do this as kids?" at that point I left. I had a very bad breakdown at this point, and couldn't stop crying. this has now bothered me ever since. it is hard as I have to see him on familial occasions.

Experiencing sexual harassment in the workplace was shit. I was a single parent. I was informed by my employer that I couldnt quit the job without being able to prove I was experiencing sexual harassment. With my employer, if you leave a job without good reason, they can refuse to pay. I had a daughter to take care of, and responsibilities. By that point, my power was already being put out, and light gone. I was quite lucky; as I was still with a union. But I couldnt use my voice. I started dressing down for work, not caring about my appearance; not taking care, not looking professional. I couldnt find help. Didnt know what to do. I managed to get away, a signed off holiday for a week; although even then I was just swimming in dark waters, not thinking about it, trying to push it away, deep down; it didnt happen. I returned from my break, not sure if it was a day or the same day, my wages were deducted. So much so that I wouldnt have been able to pay the rent or get through the month. It was like a lid coming off. An eruption. It was a small warehouse, with a small cabin. I was in disbelief at first. Then my mouth opened and I just let go slowly building up to a shout saying you took my money, you took my money, then shouting the obscenities that they had committed in the work place against me, I wasnt even aware it was happening, tears of anger pouring out. I was sacked the same day, within minutes. The worst part at the time I left to go outside to ring the union, and they told me to go back in My power was constantly being taken. Now there was no personal or human resources, just the director. Given letter and off I went. Advised by union to go to police. They took my statement. A day or so later I was informed by a police woman over the phone that the only reason I was reporting the sexual harassment was because I was fired. The union wrote a letter confirming that this wasnt the case as I had been in contact with them prior to contacting the police and being fired. Didint make any difference. The police never contacted me after that. However, I did find out by chance later on that on their records its says I didnt want them to do anything about it. Which wasnt true. I managed through the union to take it to a tribunal. I wish I hadnt gone on my own. I felt so unclean for such a time after the event; there were triggers, lots (continued for years). Having to go to the tribunal although they didnt have the guts to turn up, there was a directors partner there, they followed me into the building having almost bumped into me on the way there; giving me dirty looks etc. I had the barrister there eventually, who was quick talking and looking to get it over and done with. It was never about the money, it was justice and them admitting what they did. But they never did. They did call round my home before the tribunal at about 3-4am. I didnt answer the door. The judge seemed very one sided for the employer. I never got the chance to talk. It was like being a victim all over again and losing my voice. They said how kind etc this guy was. It all gave me the creeps that these 3 people were saying that it was ok what he did. The judge seemed to be going with them. They decided to settle. That was it. I sought counselling, but its never gone away. I've been a full time carer since. The thought of working with men again well, I would prefer to set up my own business so that I never have to be in that situation again. The other thing I dont see mentioned often is the aftermath. Youve spoken up which really takes some. Its the revenge that person takes after. they've not stopped. Theyve gotten other people to do their dirty work. These people must be under the illusion that I made it all up. Its a few years now, and they are still instigating others to harass me for telling the truth and making a stand. The Me too movement had just started a couple of months after my ordeal. The ordeal never goes away, like grief. Its disempowering. Its the hindsight, its the fear of freezing again. Ive not been the same person since. I have a gagging order, not allowed to talk about it. I think thats bullshit. Another way to disempower and allow them to walk around and do it again. I know for a fact that they did it to someone else before me. I bet theyve done it since; obviously, I hope not. The problem is, the constant revenge style they have going on means they've not reflected on their behaviour once or considered how wrong it is. They continue as though they have a right to touch another human being without consent in any way they wish. There were three people at the tribunal that agreed with that. Even the judge at the end was surprised that they settled. Where is the justice in that and the ethical considerations? The police response at the time, from a police woman. What kind of society do we have? I wonder from the me to movement what it would be like now for others to come forward? I also wonder, what are we educating our young boys in school and at home about consent and respect to women and themselves. Why did all those people look the other way, or project that it was acceptable behaviour? Im not the same person.

I had settled into a new workplace and made friends. We had a social night out at a local beer festival and I was very drunk, we returned to one of my colleague's houses and carried on! I got to the point of no return, climbed up the stairs to throw up in the bathroom and saw an inviting bedroom door open, vaguely remember crawling into the bed and passing out. I don't remember much that happened after as I was at the point of unconscious drunk due to mixing alcohol with anti-depressants (stupid in hindsight) however I certainly didn't invite anyone to come in to my room. I kept rousing slightly due to feeling someone on top of me (I was asleep on my front) and I wasn't able to lift myself up to push them away. My face was pushed into the pillow, I was vaguely aware of my jeans taken down and the sensation of penetration but was unable to do anything to stop the person. The next day I knew someone had had intercourse with me without my consent, I became increasingly disturbed and had a breakdown at work a few days later resulting in me telling the manager. He insisted on contacting the police, the suspected attacker was arrested. Two other colleagues had found him in the room with me although hadn't witnessed the attack taking place. I gave a video statement of all that I could remember but unfortunately the CPS dropped the case because the Judge stated that the combination of alcohol and anti-depressants would have rendered me in such a state of lowered consciousness that I would be unable to be certain that penetration had occurred. I blame myself for showering and washing my clothes, I felt so dirty and ashamed at the time as I was happily married. Unfortunately the attacker continues to work, helping others in the organization. I just hope he learnt his lesson.

I’m writing to try and seek clarity over my childhood experiences. It was mostly with a cousin of mine (both f). Nearly every time we would meet from the age of about 4 we would secretly kiss and she taught me oral. Then it became reciprocal oral. I remember feeling sick and ashamed whenever I would leave her house but it continued about once a year or less until we were 12. She tried to initiate something even later with me in our early 20s. I’m confused because of all the mess of feelings I have about it. I felt terrible after. I remember saying to her I preferred the kissing and tried to make her the centre of what was happening so I could give more than receive. I knew it wasn’t right and couldn’t tell either of my parents who were separated for a lot of this time span.

when i was 5 my family came from Nigeria and as soon as they came my uncle which is just 4 years older than me kept touching me he would say things like lets play mums and dads and then will hump me and say that's what mum and dads do or will slap my bum and kiss on my neck it was quite odd to me everytime they visited this will happen he will say stuff to me like we play vampire game to rub on my private parts and kiss my neck and chest when I was 9 or 10 I travelled with them to another country but he just got worse he nearly even tried having s*x with me he would rub his penis on my private parts and kiss and slap my bum his sister who was younger than me also tried doing the same i recently found out she did it with my sister and cousin . this made me very hyper sexual at a young age and I would constantly use my body to get what I wanted it affects me a lot he texted me a few weeks ago and said he was a child and I should respect him because he's older than me and forgive and forget this is seriously ruining my life as my mum doesn't believe me and because I got caught doing things with my body she believes I initiated it or liked it...

I never knew a happy safe experience of intimate connection until i was 39. Well, I don't know if that is 100% accurate to say but it feels true to say. It was with a woman - a friend. We were pretty drunk and I was getting over my first relationship, one which had turned abusive, and she was maybe exploring her sexuality before committing to a life relationship with her partner. We were not alone - there was another friend also there - on the other side of her - a good guy, a very good friend of hers. Me and this guy friend did not gravitate towards each other though. She kissed my hair. I hadn't felt so loved or cared for in a long time. The grasping/rejecting/fearful dichotomy was gone and for the first time i sensed it didn't need to be that way. She seemed to want me to be close to her and i didn't feel pressure to be anyone or do anything other than what felt right in that moment. From that experience, i learnt that there is such generosity and healing in reciprocal loving touch. I guess i maybe felt that way occasionally with my ex-partner. But it's funny how when bad experiences happen between you and another person, it can rinse even the best memory and sensation with a dulling wash.

I met him when I was 4. We became friends quickly and so did our families ; my parents gave his family a voucher for him to join the same out of school sports group and it stayed like that for a good ten years . By this time we had gone to different secondary schools however we still saw each other at sports clubs once a week. Eventually we both quit and I began going to his house instead; soon we began dating. The communication between the two of us was terrible as expected at such a young age which led to lines being crossed. One of these lines was consent. I said no and expressed that I didn’t want to multiple times yet it was ignored and laughed off; he told me he wouldn’t talk to me if I didn’t and even set a timer for how long it would last saying it would only be quick. I went home and cried . It wasn’t a cry I’d experienced before- it’s truly indescribable. Despite this I remained with him however tried my very best to avoid anything similar occurring again. This didn’t work as it occurred I’d estimate another 3 times. You’d maybe wonder why I stayed with him; the simple answer is that I liked him and couldn’t comprehend what was happening to me. We eventually broke up for somewhat unrelated reasons and two years on i’m still dealing with the sexual trauma. For a while I questioned whether I was asexual however I came to the conclusion I wasn’t and instead I am simply sexually repulsed. He was the first person I was with and it has completely ruined my view on sex and intimacy. If someone else with a similar experience is reading this I read some advice this morning which helped me: Rape is not a form of sex. It is a form of assault. Sex feels good. Assault is traumatising.

When I was 7, I started being sexually abused. This wasn’t by a family member, it was my grans second husband. It all stopped when I was 12, when we moved a few miles away and he didn’t visit as much. When I was 17, I was having therapy for other things, it eventually came out then. They helped me decide how I was going to tell my mum. They also said I should prepare for family members to not believe me. I thought, you don’t know my family. They all stick up for each other. Well so I thought. My mum never wanted to talk about it. I understand now that was due to guilt, she had her own mental illnesses to deal with. My sister, well she turned against me for a few years. Saying I was lying, I tried to ruin my grans marriage with my lies, threatening to beat me up. My sister even tried to prove I was lying buy having him watch her new born baby whilst she went and done his food shop. When this man died, it got worse. My sister and aunt said they can’t grieve over him cause of the lies I said about him. Saying I’m evil and not wanting me near her child incase I do stuff to her. I had cousins asking “what exactly is it he did to you? My gran saying “he’s not a pedophile”. All this almost destroyed me. It was worse than the sexual abuse I had went through as a child. I decided I wanted away from my family. So I enrolled in college at 23, at 27 I was qualified and got straight into a job, I had been saving through college, so managed to move onto my own place pretty quickly. Now 33 years old and looking back I often think, did all that really happen. I’ve since moved further away from my family, Doing this has helped me stay away from their drama and only visit on occasions. They’re a lot better now, but I’d still rather keep my distance. I’m in a good place mentally. I’ve got great friends and built a good life for myself. My advice to anyone going thought it. Prepare yourself for family not to believe you. Only talk about it to people you trust and only when you want to talk about it. Don’t feel you need to explain yourself to anyone. The best thing my therapist said, no matter what you did or didn’t do, it wasn’t your fault. You were only a child.

My stepdad has abused me and groomed me since I was 12 years old. I have never told anyone about this because I was very afraid and scared as he has threatened me so much. He has tried to get me pregnant on multiple occasions due to this i can’t be in a relationship and struggle with self harming. Such as going in the shower and deep cleansing my self with dettol to feel clean.

A friend and I dated within the same friend group, and I used to hang out with the guys a lot--I considered them as my brothers. One night when we were altogether, I felt too drunk to take myself home and felt safe with my friends ex to get a cab and drop me off. He came in uninvited and kissed me, then all I remember are flashes of us being naked, him being inside of me, going down on me, etc., but I felt like I couldn't move. I woke up to shower, my bed was broken, and he was gone. I called him the next day to confront him about it, and that I don't even remember what happened. He said he thought "i enjoyed it" (I was unconscious half of the time), and only stopped because the bed broke. Although he apologized he had the audacity to tell me not to share this with anyone, and to this day only very few close friends know about this incident. It truly broke my trust even with platonic guy friendships.

I don't even remember how old I was. It was around the time when my parents got divorced, I might've been around 6-8, and this happened over multiple years, that's why it's such a blur to me. I used to go to my auntie's house in the holidays on Thursdays, sometimes Fridays too. Every time I would go, my cousin, who is 2/3 years older than me, would do things to me. I think the first time we ever did anything sexual was just kissing, with tongue of course. But as time went on, she began to just eat me out every time I went, I definitely didn't enjoy it, I was just frozen. I tried to tell her to stop so many times, but she would never listen. We would go to the guest bedroom on the third floor, away from everyone and she would ask to play families, where she would be the dad and me the mum, or she would beg me to role play as 'celebrities' with her. She always said she would be the male and me the female. One time, we went to my nan's house, and she dressed me up in scarves, role playing a 'wedding' with me. She even made me kiss her in front of my nan. I don't see how this was so normalized for my nan to not question her forcefully snogging me and picking me up. She even tried to assault me in front of my brother when he was a toddler once. It was terrible when my parents divorced, when I was with my dad, we stayed with her and my auntie. Of course they made me and her sleep together, because they thought we were close. That's when my world caved in, those were the worst years of my life that I can't even remember much of today. I lived in fear of her for years. One day, I just forgot. I forgot about her, I lost most of my memories of what she had done to me, and we grew close again. I was naive, desperate for my older cousin's attention. So, when I was 10, it almost happened again, and I've not been the same since. It was my birthday yesterday, and she came round, acting normal as she always does. It makes me feel sick. She's moving out from her stepdad's house with her mum, and asked if I wanted to sleepover. No. Never again. I don't think I'll ever tell anyone in my family. My best friend and my ex know but, I genuinely think it doesn't even matter because it happened ages ago and nobody would believe me anyways. So much of my childhood is a blur now and I can't help but feel terrified of intimacy yet I think about it so much. Thank uou for reading.

I was 16 I just started college when I met my ex he was 17 We talked for a week and then started dating he would manipulate me in to doing things and tell he things and gaslighted me And he would SA me every time I saw him Multiple times I dated him for almost 4 months when I broke up with him On the Date I when to is house and he SA I took my phone from me and when I went to get it he would pull me , drag me and push me away from it buy my arms and legs I broke up with him 2 day later This was almost 2 years old I reported it to the police He also SA 2 other people in the same class Who also reported him

I was infatuated with him from a very early age. I knew him from church, church social events, discos where he was a DJ and a musical we were both in. He knew I had a crush on him as did one of his girlfriends (she teased me about it). At the age of thirteen you know it’s unlikely he’ll like you. He was 19/20 at that time. When I was fourteen my family were moving away. There was a leaving party for us at the local church hall. He took me into a storage area, out of sight and we had our first ‘snog’. I couldn’t believe my luck. His friend saw us but didn’t intervene . I was 14 he was 20. We met in secret initially. My friends and my sister knew. One time he told me how he’d love to make love to me. I felt uncomfortable as he put his fingers in my bra, stroking a cleavage that didn’t exist. I told him that if that’s what he wanted he’d need to see a prostitute. I was besotted but naive. I thought it was exciting to meet secretly and that it was a huge romance. My parents became aware of our relationship. They insisted that we were always chaperoned. One time when we alone in a room he put his hand down my pants and ‘fingered’ me. It wasn’t done with love. He asked if I liked it. I said that I didn’t. He put my hand on his erect penis in his pants . I didn’t know what to do. I just left it there. I turned 15 and a month later he turned 21. We had bee ‘seeng’ each other for less than three months. He suddenly called things off and I learnt years afterwards that my parents scared him off. It was only at the age of 43, that I realised I had been abused. He had groomed me and taken pleasure in my childlike body and innocence. I’m angry. I’m very angry. I’d like there to be justice and not feel powerless.

On Feb.Day, Year my live in boyfriend of 9 years tried to murder me with not 1, but 2 aluminum baseball bats. It started around 10 p.m. on the night of the Date and nobody found me until 8:30 on the morning of the Date Needless to say they thought they had their first murder case for the year of Year. As I sit here today I am blind in one eye. I had facial and cranial reconstruction. I am left with metal plates in my face. I also have metal rods, pins and screws throughout both of my arms. I have some brain damage. For the first 3 days of being in the hospital I was in surgery. I was in a 5-day coma. And as I was in surgery on that first day, they had to hunt him down. They finally tracked him in City, State. And they charged him with attempted murder, kidnapping, terroristic threats and also having a stolen firearm while being a felon. And he is in prison where he will die. And I am here to warn women and men that are in violent relationships to get out as soon as possible!

I recently broke up with my girlfriend who’s been my best friend for around 11 years and we still have sleepovers frequently and the other day I was half asleep and she kept telling me I was too tired and I needed to go to sleep soon and when I gave in and I was falling asleep she asked me for a kiss and in my sleepy state I said yes forgetting we had broken up and so we kisses not a peck it was quite a long kiss no tounge..? I don’t know how to feel because I didn’t even remember it happened until the next afternoon and I told her it made me uncomfy and she said sorry I just needed something and “I didn’t think u were tired enough to not give consent”?? I don’t know does this count as a form of sa? It felt like it..?

I have lived through many battles, some visible and some invisible. Chronic pain has been a constant companion, and alongside it came experiences of assault, grief, bullying, and being overlooked or targeted in the workplace. Each of these left scars that ran deeper than I could admit at the time. For years, I tried to hold it all in — the pressure, the pain, the silence through alcohol and substances. But it built until I couldn’t contain it anymore, and I crashed hard. My mental health episode was frightening, for me and for those around me. What has made it harder is the culture I grew up in. In South Asian communities, mental health is often brushed aside, stigmatized, or seen as weakness. Instead of compassion, I felt shame. Instead of understanding, I carried guilt. I believed I had let down the people I loved most. But I am learning that what happened was not my fault. Trauma is not a choice. Crashes are not punishments. They are the body and mind crying out for care. I am still here. I am learning to see my sensitivity and survival not as flaws, but as proof of resilience. Sharing my story is part of releasing the shame and reclaiming my voice. My hope is that others who have lived through pain and silence — especially in communities where mental health is hidden — can know they are not alone. Our stories matter. Our survival matters.