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Am I the oppressor or was I the oppressed? cousin ‌( A) So, I want to tell you that I come from a very backward community where children are not given sex education. They learn on their own, so I'm from region So now I come to the main topic. As far as I remember, I was 6 to 8 years old. I was playing sex games with my cousin. As far as I can remember, I I was touching her hips with my buttocks when a boy, probably five years older than me, saw us doing it. We ran away. We were in an open space. And my cousin was a year younger than me. As the boy saw us.He told everything to his brother, my cousin. who was one year older than me. He would beat me up in front of all the boys. Because the boy who saw us doing it told all the boys. They would get me beaten up by his brother and make fun of me. And I want to tell you that.Before that, I think I was molested. I don't remember exactly what happened. But I do remember that some of the boys I played with taught me things about sex. As I recall, the boys were being invited by me to call a girl. And one incident, a lot of the boys were watching porn, and I was watching it too. And I had forgotten all about it. cousin (b) And then when I was 14 I made two more mistakes. I don't know why I did them, because I was curious and naive. I was always sexually aroused. I had sexual thoughts about God. I don't know why, but My second cousin, the daughter of another uncle, who was five years older than me, was sleeping at my house. I had just returned from school. And I looked at her armpit hair and then I started looking at her breasts but immediately removed my gaze and then I bowed to her. When she woke up, I bowed to her without her knowing. Then, once, my sister and I were at my house, along with her older cousin, meaning there were probably five people, including me. So, she was my cousin and had come to look at my sisters' clothes. And I was with them. We took out clothes from the trunk and she tried them on and started showing them off. My sister and cousin were there and I started looking at her. Then one cousin said, that is, scolded me and said, Will you stand here and watch me naked? And I walked away in shame. Now I would like to tell you that my cousin who was five years older than me once hugged me.And I knew about his affair.I saw her with her boyfriend once. She was involved in sex work.so I saw it as a sexual incident. cousin (c) Meanwhile, a cousin, my father's cousin's daughter, and several other boys were playing hide-and-seek. I went and hid near her, and her body touched mine. And I felt good.Then I kept touching her as a game. I didn't feel bad because my cousin used to do that with a cousin. And he was the same cousin who used to beat me. Then that same night We were all watching TV. Then, pretending to be asleep, I touched her waist, even though she was awake. Now I feel very ashamed. This was wrong. I ignored his body language.But I used to touch her playfully. She never refused, and I don't know why. Once, she clung to me, but I didn't like it because her breath smelled bad. And she once mentioned porn.Because my brother and his brother were watching porn, she said, "Your brother is watching it." I said, "I don't know." But she said, "You know everything." I remained silent. I don't know why, but I was scared. How could she say that?And this cousin sister was 2 years younger than me, I was 14 years old and she was 12 to 11 years old when all this started. And all this came to my mind from 2023, I had forgotten it before that. I feel very ashamed I'm not able to move forward in life. I was beaten a lot as a child. Whenever those boys talked about sex, My mind It was a good thing. However, it probably didn't harm anyone because I never forced myself. My family was very strict; they wouldn't let me talk to girls or go out anywhere. I don't feel like talking to anyone.

I could never remember my childhood well, even as a kid. But I started to be hypersexual at 3, and so thats when I believe me and my brother started touching (hes 3 and a half years older). When I was 12 I remembered and told my parents, my mom freaked out and screamed at me. She said it was my fault and that it wasn't too bad if I didn't tell anyone. I fear thats she's right. When I was 14 and in deep psychosis, I felt like there was more to remember. I started to feel my brother's hands over my body and mouth. I remembered us having sex 3 times. The first time when I was 6 and the last when I was 8. One of those times he was hitting me and pinning me. I dont know how real those memories are because I recovered them in psychosis. I started doing really bad cus all I could think about was me and my brother fucking. A couple of months ago I remembered my brother fucking me with his hands around my neck (which was painful). Im so scared that really happened because I see my brother daily and hes my best friend. Im worried ill remember more.

Last year I was gang raped. I have an ear ringing called tinnitus that has not stopped since. I have nightmares. I flew with my mom to a wedding overseas. I was excited. She would be busy with her friends and cousin and I would get to spend time with my awesome second cousin who is two years older than me. After the rehearsal dinner we went out. It was fun because I was not legally able to drink there even though the age was lower than in my province, but they did not check ID’s. I did not drink much because it was not my thing and I had a boyfriend but I was able to go to some bars then a club attached to a hotel. So much fun up to when we met two soldiers in uniform who were cute and separated us from her friends because of our looks. My cousin is stunning beautiful. They had a private room at the club and several soldiers were there and two prostitutes also. Those prostitutes definitely hated us being there. I wanted to get out anyway and the cute ones that invited us acted like they understood and took us out of there. We stupidly let them take us to their hotel room where they totally dropped the cute romantic act and made us strip our clothes to music. They showed us a gun they had in a drawer. I was terrified. They made us lay on our stomachs bent over the bed side by side and had sex with us that way. They switched like we were interchangeable before finishing in us with no protection. We held hands. I was crying while my cousin was trying to be strong and cheer me up. We weren’t allowed to leave and our clothes were hidden. Before took our phones we had to text that we were staying at my cousin’s friend’s house. Then they called two other soldiers, one of them a huge tall dark guy with body builder muscles. He was the worst to me. They made us dance and then we had to use our mouths on the cute ones that had lured us there while the other two had sex with us. I vomited and my cousin cleaned it up but then it started again. They had cocaine and made us sniff it off their parts and sniffed it off us. Another one came and I think it was just those five during the night but they kept raping us and making us do things even when we would pass out. I would like to have been more unconscious but cocaine makes you so awake. I want to remember less and think about it all less. We showered many times. The big dark one peed on me and in my mouth the shower. He did it more than once like I was his toilet. The other men even had to tell him to chill out when he was making me scream liking his fingers and pushing them in my arse, but not when he made me crawl around like a dog using my hair as a leash. I remember one of them calling their friends to tell them to turn all their t.v.’s way up to hide the noise in our room. They watched sports news on the t.v. They had me and my cousin kiss each other and stuff. I could not act like it was a fun party like my cousin did sometimes and encouraged me to do. She tried to take some of their attention away from me over and over. I love her for it but they did not leave me alone. My chest is something they were obsessed with. They did not care that I was obviously distressed and freaking out or that in my country I was three years below the age of consent. There I was the minimum. We woke up in the morning on one the beds together with only the two soldiers sleeping on the floor. The black one was gone! They had sex with us again and another man who was much older and who they called SIR came in and had sex with both us but mostly me. They cheered him on and my head was pounding and I was crying and it seemed to last forever. Finally we got our clothes back but they took us for brunch wearing their normal clothes. They showed me pictures on their phones that made it look like I was having fun and warned us how bad it would be if we said anything different than we had a nice party. A nice party in hell! Before that I’d had sex with only my 1 boyfriend ever. One night of hell and now my number was seven!! We had to start getting ready for the wedding right away and I was exhausted. My cousin hid me and I took a nap in my dress, hair and makeup until the last minute. I cried in the ceremony but not for the wedding. I was so sore in my vagina, muscles, and brain that I got so drunk at the reception I barely remember any of it. Just part of being on the plane home. I told my mom the truth when I got back and she got all crazy, so did my dad, and they tried to call over there and the hotel and such but there was nothing the police would do. I saw my dad cry for the first time as I told the whole story. My boyfriend could not handle it and dumped me. I go to group and do therapy. I take a pill everyday and now benzo’s for break through anxiety. I try to hide my large chest under baggy clothes where before I used it for attention. STUPID! My cousin does not seem to have the trauma I do or the nightmares. In her country they are done with secondary school up to two years before us and are more treated like adults sooner. I said mean things to her once because of it. She forgave me but we talk much less since I asked if she has gang bangs all the time. I felt terrible because she even let them have anal sex with her to lure them away from me. I could tell it hurt her so much but at the time was just thinking about my own survival. My childhood is OVER but I do not feel like an adult. Her advice is -Don’t let it get you so down-. Like I have a choice in this!! She went to a therapist ONCE because her mom made the appointment and does not plan to go back. Her life did not really change!! She works reception at a tech company and models on the side and still goes to parties and clubs and dates. How??? It is unbelievable how attitudes toward something like this can be so different in different countries. I am a victim now and I usually feel like it. Definitely damaged. Everybody at my school knows why. I am THAT girl. My new more mature boyfriend is understanding but I feel like a sad little burden to him. I am hypersexual sometimes now and can’t help it. It is a coping mechanism that happens to some victims of sexual assault. I did not ask for it. I worry my boyfriend can’t trust me because of it. I had an older guy friend who’s been my neighbor for years take advantage of me after I told him the story of what happened at his house. We had sex and then he felt guilty for being turned on by my rape story. He admitted it and asked me to forgive him. The sex helped me calm the ear ringing for just short time periods so I did it with him more than once a day for a bit until my dad started to suspect something and talked to him. Since then I don’t trust myself. I want to marry my boyfriend in large part just to protect myself and show him I love him and am loyal even though I am not sure I can be. I worry I cannot love like a normal person. I worry I push him away being too needy and wanting to marry him so soon. I need him more than he needs me. Is that the way it will always be in relationships for rape victims??? I work hard at school not to ruin my future. It is so hard to focus. My ears ring constantly. Thank you for listening.

It started as sexual harassment. And I let it happen. Do not let it happen to you! I was a college intern working on my supply-chain management major. In business school you know you don’t just get a degree and POOF! A job is magically waiting for you. Unless you already have connections. I was a single woman on financial aid and had squat for family connections. I needed to make some connections while still in school that I could use to climb the ladder. It is a very competitive world. A time when we don’t care so much where we work as long as it has prospects of advancement and making money. I was interning at the corporate offices for a rental car company. I got my first choice for a class in which we had to intern at a real company. My group of four was in their logistics offices and we had no clear job at the time but my school had sent students for a while so we had a contact person and some loose idea of a project that my group of four had to put together and execute for our grade. Well that was kind of of dud and I went along with the bad idea of planning more efficient distribution routes for their cars entering the fleet. It was naive because the company had real pros who designed the system. But, because of my feminine wiles, I got invited to come in and help in my free time by a top manager. Just me. I jumped at the opportunity and on my available days I showed up early in the morning and tried to be like part of the team. It was a very masculine environment. I tried to hang in spite of the pretenses for my special treatment. “You’re not one of those feminist types who go crying to HR if a man gives you a compliment or a pat on the backside, are you?” The man who first invited me had asked. We’ll call him XX. I assured him I was not, anticipating his expected answer. “Work hard, play hard,” was something I said in my denial of values he was obviously opposed to. So the couple times XX introduced me as his mistress I went along with the joke. Another stupid mistake. As an example of my environment, after a male Y in the department first showed me how to use part of a program that calculates stock outages, he had me sit and try it and gave me a massage I did not ask for early in the morning. Well XX came up and made a joke about Y getting his hands of his girl. They had some bro moment where the male Y asked him if he was serious, saying something about XX’s wife, to which XX backed down and said something like “It’s just a joke. I’d love to in my fantasies, but she’s company property, brother.” Company property??! I was sitting right there! I tensed up but tried to pretend I was so absorbed in the computer training as XX left and male Y went back to massaging me, but this time more boldly. He got down my lower back and upper buttock then went down the arms to my thighs, stopping me from doing any work as he blatantly brushed his forearms and hands against my chest. I felt so weak and almost paralyzed by the time I forced myself to stand up to go use the restroom, stopping it. I could have just done that at the beginning but did not. Later hat same day, XX had me go to lunch with him and have a beer at a bar and grill with a pool table. I was 20 but they did not ask for my ID because I was with XX. I hardly ever played pool and while we waited for our food he “showed” me how to play. He made fun of the cliché on movies and television where a man has a woman bend over the pool table to shoot just so he can push his crotch against her backside in a suggestive manger and lean over her with his arms on each side of her to show her how to slide the stick. But while he joked about it he actually did those things to me! That was a good day for my two main molesters and an awful day for me. XX hugged me as we stood up giggling and apparently his hands now had a license to molest my body whenever he wanted. I got numb to it in some ways, but emotionally more on edge. My butt was grabbed or spanked playfully in the department, even by male Y. A few other men were very flirtatious. My shoulders were rubbed, hugs on even minor greetings with XX and finally I was supposed to get used to little pecks on the lips too. I felt like I was in a constant state of mental anguish and defensiveness. My body could be attacked anytime. But I did not defend myself! I would say clearly to XX and some others that I wanted to be respected and considered one of the guys and have a job there when I graduated and they affirmed it. Both main abusers encouraged me, but still sexually harassed me. With my moronic blessing! The semester ended and I kept going in daily during summer break. It was my only lifeline to a possible job after I graduated in a year. I was so groomed that it was not a big leap at all when XX pressured me to give him head in his office. I refused with a smile and head shake and he came back with some rationalization about how I owed him and he really needed it just then. He would not take no for an answer. The first time I lowered myself to kneeling before his desk and took him in my mouth my hands were shaking and I teared up and had to sniffle snot back up. I was the one who was embarrassed! It was like an out of body experience and my mouth dried up to where I had to ask him to drink some of his energy drink. Internally there was a huge change immediately. I was gutted of all pride and self-worth. I was like a zombie. Hardly eating. Lots of coffee. Showing up and doing the reports that had become my responsibility and mechanically giving XX his daily BJ in the afternoon in his small stale office with a small window. I started to have migraines during that summer. I drove home for 4th of July and got so inebriated I ended up sleeping with my much older sister’s ex-husband in the back of his truck. That was a terrible wake up call. I knew I couldn’t pretend much longer without a breakdown so I put my two week in at the rental car place where I was working for free. To secure my future I made sure to keep it all friendly and “you know I’ll be back working here next year”. The idea of all the time and humiliation I had put in being lost to nothing was a major fear. I put myself through two last weeks of it. I had quickie sex with XX twice on and over his desk. I gave into extreme pressure and gave male Y a BJ too when he explicitly made it about a letter of recommendation. He knew about me doing it for XX. He did not even have his own office and we had to use the stairwell. During my final year of school I became aware that I was too traumatized to ever go back there anyway. The extent to which I had been used and abused became obvious to me, where before it had not. As if I had been living in a denial haze. It was a painful time. I was a bit reckless. I got a C in the high level economics elective I took. I said yes to several dates to avoid being alone and either slept with them or freaked out in anger at them. Seeing that I needed the car rental faux-internship on my resume I did email both abusers for letters of recommendation and got a good one from Male Y, but a very impersonal, generic one from XX. I was so dejected and angry. Finally, I told my sister, the one who confronted me about her ex-husband. I TOLD HER EVERYTHING AND THAT WAS MY FIRST STEP TO RECOVERY. To letting out the pain, screaming at myself in the mirror, punching the heavy bag at a boxing gym I joined, and to seeing my first psychologist and psychiatrist. The therapy helped more than the Celexa and antipsych. The support group helped even more. I met two friends for life who have my back in times of sorrow. I have to repeat that it is not my fault that I was abused, even though it kind of was. Don’t let it happen to you! They will take as much as they can from you. Plan your boundaries now and be assertive! Report harassment immediately. Doing so you are being a hero and protecting other women and yourself. If you have already been abused, GET OUT of the situation and talk to someone about it ASAP. There is nothing to be gained by letting the abuse continue! Talking to someone makes it real and lets you start the process of hating less and starting on the path to learning to love yourself again. You deserve real love.

Survivante de viol collectif Je rendis visite a ma tante, un soir des cousins m’invitèrent a aller danser en boite de nuit ; des amis de mes cousins étaient venus nous trouver là, nous avons danser, rit, bu et partager des sandwiches. Vers les couts de trois heures du matin, je sortis pour prendre de l’air quand un des amis me trouva a la porte, il était sorti pour fumer, alors nous avons papoter un moment. Il me proposa de marcher dans les alentours de la discothèque Un autre ami nous rejoignit ensuite un deuxième, et finalement, cinq sans savoir ce qui se tramait entre eux, je les suivis car nous avons été très proches depuis leur venu etc. Arrivée, dans un ravin, un des cinq enleva sa chemise et l’étala sur sa chemise qu’il avait enlevé soi-disant avoir chaud, quand l’autre me terrassait. Avant même que je ne m’en rende compte, ils se sont appelés et sont passer sur moi les uns après les autres. Un a un, ces cinq hommes me sont passer dessus, ils m’ont souillé, ont bafouiller ma dignité de femme et de personne humaine. Malgré mes supplications, mes cris de détresse et désespoir, car oui, chaque coup de rein transperçait ma dignité tel un coup de couteau. Mais aucun, pas un seul d’entre eux n’y a été sensible, personne ne s’est arrêté. Pendant qu’ils s’appelaient, tels des amis qui s’invitent les uns les autres, j’ai réussi a capter quelques prénoms : trois au total parmi les cinq. Du lieu des faits, je me suis rendu a la police, je leur ai expliquer les faits, j’étais a la quête de justice. Mais les quelques questions qui m’ont été posées par la police m’ont encore plus transpercer le cœur… Le policier qui s’occupait de mon écoute me demanda avec des airs menaçants : • -est ce qu’une fille de bonne mœurs peut se trouver au dehors à cette heure ? • C’est arriver où ? • -sais tu que cette tenue que tu portes est provocative ? • -est ce t’as première fois de faire un rapport sexuel ? Je n’en croyais pas mes oreilles, je restais figée et très déterminée je ne me suis pas découragé, j’ai continué la procédure jusqu’à ce que justice soit faite. Le dégoût, ma colère était d’une intensité que je ne saurais nommé. Et pour la première fois, dans ma vie, j’ai compris comment un être humain pouvait ôter la vie à un autre. Parce que oui, je ressentais de la haine, parce que oui, mes bourreaux représentaient un problème dont il fallait que je me débarrasse. Pour ma reconstruction, il a fallu un accompagnement psychologique au niveau des hôpitaux et émotionnel au niveau de la famille et morale dans les groupe de discussion entre survivantes.