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I was in a relationship for 3 years. I love them, the good times were the best, the bad times were the worst. When I entered their life they were at an all time low, they had broken their leg on vacation and their best friend “their person” had moved states and cut them off. I took on a lot of responsibility from regulating their emotions, comforting them, bringing them everywhere they were going, and spending a lot of time with them, especially when they were down. I noticed that they had an issue with alcohol but figured it was a response to the terrible circumstances they were in. One night I wanted to treat them, they had been stuck in the house in a wheelchair, and were understandably miserable. So I was planning on bringing them to the beach, but they were a bit drunk and tended to lash out when drunk. So I was a bit put off about being trapped in a car with them if they were lashing out. But as the night went on going to the beachwas non negotiable and they were lashing out at me suggesting us do it another time. So we headed towards the beach, stopped to use the bathroom otw at store. I was helping them get into bathroom and they were getting pissed at me helping, which you know understandable I’d hate to have a broken leg and needing help. Otw the way out of the gas station they cursed out the staff. So my stress was high, but I was focused on the beach might make things better. Got to the beach, had a good time, listened to music, watched the sunrise. But they were drinking at the beach and didn’t want help getting into the passenger seat for otw home. They fell in the sand, they were so mad, they didn’t want help getting up. They got in the passenger seat and ripped the mirror flap off the car. I’m fully stressed just thinking get them home. They are yelling at me about where is their phone. I frantically search outside and it’s not outside so I say idk, but it’s not outside must be in the car. And pull out to drive home. They ask a couple more times about the phone and I respond the same focused on driving home. They grab me by the hair and punch me in the face while I’m driving. I pull over, I yell at them we are done, there is screaming about the phone. Eventually they find It in their pocket. I drop them off at a friends house and cut them off for a bit. I was devastated. Eventually they apologized and I agreed to be friends again if there was no alcohol involved . A few weeks later I’m meeting the same friend over at her house and they are drunk. I think I got called over cuz he needed help calming her down. I got her calmed down and was like time for bed. They asked to cuddle and I’m like sure. They ask for more and I’m like no. They keep pressing, I’m like no, you’re drunk, I already said no, your friend is like right their. They keep pressing, are pulling at my clothes, I get up to leave, they cry and start freaking out so I cuddle again. Repeat. I give in. Their friend hears it and gets really upset. I’m upset and embarrassed. I tell them the next day and they are really upset at themselves and I comfort them. It moves into a relationship again. Coercion happens a few more times, with one time them saying your no doesn’t matter, but eventually I start locking the door when they are drunk. No matter the banging on it, or the screaming, or the crying. This goes on with highs and lows for a couple years till yesterday. They asked me over to watch Halloween movies. I said sorry I can’t, I have to make some money, they offered to loan it to me cuz it was an important holiday to them. So we watch maybe 5 movies, have a good time, even go to sleep on a good note. However I guess they didn’t go to sleep. Cuz I get woken up to them pouring a soda on my face and punching me in my face. I punch back while laying down until I realize what’s going on. I’m so upset I just go Shower. I guess they wanted me up and I wasn’t getting up so they escalated. I smoke a cigarette, yell a bit, talk about calling the cops, and then leave leaving the keys to their house. I’ve blocked them on everything. I was hoping they could get help and the good times which were wonderful could be the normal. But I can’t put up with this. I’m so worried for their safety, but I told their friend to check in on them. Idk I think I’m having a hard time processing this

I could never remember my childhood well, even as a kid. But I started to be hypersexual at 3, and so thats when I believe me and my brother started touching (hes 3 and a half years older). When I was 12 I remembered and told my parents, my mom freaked out and screamed at me. She said it was my fault and that it wasn't too bad if I didn't tell anyone. I fear thats she's right. When I was 14 and in deep psychosis, I felt like there was more to remember. I started to feel my brother's hands over my body and mouth. I remembered us having sex 3 times. The first time when I was 6 and the last when I was 8. One of those times he was hitting me and pinning me. I dont know how real those memories are because I recovered them in psychosis. I started doing really bad cus all I could think about was me and my brother fucking. A couple of months ago I remembered my brother fucking me with his hands around my neck (which was painful). Im so scared that really happened because I see my brother daily and hes my best friend. Im worried ill remember more.

I'm 71 years old and allowed myself to be abuised for over 20years out of a 36 year marriage. I lost my daughters and grandchildren because of my actions. I've got no one I'm totally alone. I found out that my husband was a drug addict to prescriptions and was a thief and a liar who manipulated everyone around him he was a good guy. I was to busy working raising a family and continued to let this man use me because I loved him. I just realized love shouldn't hurt. He's left our home for years at a time, I've never gone with any one else. I've been raped strangled beaten bruised bloodied ,used money and antiques stolen etc. . I allowed myself to be used over and over why I don't know still don't I thought I loved him because we had a special bond . I was kidding myself and it hurts more than you know. I tried to end my life to get rid of the pain of abuise and failed years ago. Couldn't live with the pain of losing my family. . I'm so alone sitting in a house wasting away waiting to die someday someone will notice by my mail or my dog. What a shame I was a beautiful strong loving wife and mother grandmother to be left this way to die alone and broken because I was abuised I blame , my children for not protecting me,, the courts most of all I blame myself for loving a man and not loving myself more. I need help and I still do.

Number years since what happened to me. There has been so much pain and hurt. One of these men was constanty asking me to sleep with his friends but my answer was always no , never, not a chance , You see i found it so hard to accept what had happened because i had to much to drink . I do believe that something was put into my drink as i had no more to drink than what i normally would . I was a at party with these two people. I dont remember leaving the house but i do remember getting sick out of the taxi on the way home. Both of these animals took turns to have sex with me . I remember just lying there with no clothes on and been unable to move unable to fight them of . Both of them went outside and i remember the strong smell of cigarettes and could hear them both laughing . Shortly after both of them left and i lay there confussed , helpless and alone. I must have fallen asleep because i remember it was bright out and one of these men came back to the house. No accountability has been taken from either of these and this is what makes healing so hard for me. Im trying to take back my power but some days are just so hard. Both of these men took adavantage of my vunrability. Learning to tust myself and love myself is my main goal for now and knowing that i did nothing wrong,

The body remembers trauma. I didn’t know this until I experienced it myself. After a fun and rambunctious night with my husband (now ex) I woke up the next morning feeling particularly sore. As I sat on the toilet I realized that this soreness was something I had felt before. I then had a flashback from my sophomore year in college. When I woke up groggy after a night of partying with my soccer teammates. I headed to the bathroom. As I peed I felt that sore and ache-y feeling. I didn’t know what it was and wrote it off as cramps and hangover. I remember looking in the mirror and seeing that I wasn’t wearing my pajamas. Just a random top and shorts. When I got back to my dorm room my then boyfriend was just waking up. And that was the end of my flashback. I then realized my sexual history was a lie. I thought I had lost my virginity to my husband and he was my first and only partner. But this changed everything. I lost my virginity to my boyfriend who raped me and I had no idea. My sexual narrative and my identity changed in my late 30's because of this revelation. Who am I? What does this mean? Bits and pieces from the night returned. I know we drank a lot. I know he walked me home. Thats all I can remember because I blacked out. Is it better that I blacked out? That I cant remember the horrible thing done to me? I don't know. I just feel a bit lost and scared for the 19 year old me who was young and naive. She didn't know what to do. Now in my early 40's divorced and a single parent I'm healing the wounds that were invisible and hiding for so long. Im listening to my body now. And I'm going to nourish it.