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It's kind of hard to label what happened to me because of the circumstances surrounding it, i've invalidated myself a lot, gaslit myself, thought that my experience wasn't valid because people had it worse. I have talked a lot to friends, fellow survivors and they all say it was pretty much sexual assault/abuse (harassment of course too) but it's still different because it was all online, we skyped, called, and texted every day but it was still online and she lives in another country so i could never report what happened. My name is survivor and I am a survivor of abuse. I met Name A in 2016 but only became close to her in 2017, while i had heard of Name B many times in 2016 and 2017, i only became friends with Name B in 2018. Many people said she was bad news and i was skeptical of her at first but like many people I was sucked into a cycle for many years with no way out. When I first met Name B I was 16 and she was 20, Name A was 19. Prior to meeting them, I was so much different, I was confident and passionate, I had this determination and drive but as soon as I met Name B I slowly became her lap dog. I am slowly becoming the girl I was before, I am kinder now that I am out of that “friendship”, more empathetic and compassionate, I am a better person now. What Name B did was she took advantage of a vulnerable teenager, groomed her and stripped her of her self esteem and confidence until she was no longer her own person, but Name B’s object. I was the one that met Name B first and introduced her to Name A. The three of us were inseparable once upon a time, we would spend pretty much all day every day together and back then, we were perfect. However, over time, things started to go downhill, around this time last year in fact, things started to happen that I thought nothing of at first, I thought everything that happened was because I was a terrible person and an even worse friend but now, I can see that what happened was disgusting and should never have happened. Due to me being a minor and Name B being an adult, there was a huge power imbalance. We had our own friend group, it was small and none of us ventured outside of our little bubble, the only people we interacted with was eachother. Honestly the friend group dynamic we had was toxic now that I am looking back at it, there was drama every single day, each day someone had something or someone to complain about and it was draining. Especially after the November 2020 incident, Name B and Name A constantly talked shit about me behind my back, calling me annoying and boring. My friendship with them got dependent, i was dependent on them for happiness and life seemed to revolve around them, my friendships with them were all about them and their ships. I never felt i could talk about me, i did a few times but not nearly as much as they talked about themselves. They came to me and to eachother for everything, I had to talk Name B off the ledge a few times. I got dependent to the point that if i didn’t talk to them for a few days things would feel weird, i felt bad for it. They spent all day roleplaying their ships and no one could talk to them when they were or else they would get mad. Name B would be controlling, she told me not to cut my hair a certain way and one time Name A and Name B mentioned in a call they didn’t like one of the clothes that i got as a present, i ended up throwing it in the bin. Name B would judge my hair, she said i needed to get it touched up as my roots were showing and she hated that. There were times where Name A and Name B would exclude me in calls and conversations, a lot of the time the calls were all about their ocs and ships. I was afraid of talking to Name B about things at one point, she snapped at people a lot (even her own girlfriend) and while she may have said sorry sometimes, she still snaps and is rude. You can’t call her out on anything or she gets upset I wasn’t allowed to have a different opinion and when she started to move away from the toxicity and form my own opinions she got angry. She goes against everything that I believe in and i am ashamed that i supported and was friends with a person like her and her girlfriend, who has the same views. I turned 18 in September of 2019, Name B didn’t do too much to me that i remember prior to me being 18 but right after i turned 18, she developed feelings for me, despite our significant age gap and despite her knowing me at such a young age. In February 2020, she confessed her feelings to me, I wasn’t doing very well mentally so I just shut down and had what you could call an anxiety attack, I ended up not being able to say either yes or no to whether I reciprocated and Name B got upset, she acted as if I had betrayed her and rejected her. Fast forward to July 2020, I was still 18 at this time and Name B was 22. The two of us were just messing around in the chat box, roasting eachother back and forth. Name B would roast me really hard and often, some could say our friendship was based on her roasting me,, a lot of the time her roasts were personal, like she would call me lame or stuff like that. I would roast back but only to be told my roasts were not as good as hers. I then somehow let it slip that I do sexual activities, yeah not a big deal so many people have done it but Name B started to fixate on it and would ask me all sorts of questions and i ended up telling her i had a s** t** and she freaked out and asked for photos of it, she kept begging and i sent her one on Facebook, only to unsend it a second later so she couldn’t save it but then she started yelling, saying “fuck, bitch send it again or i will call you,” and then we called and i had to show her the s** t**. I remember her asking me to turn it on but i never used it on myself. A few days later i found out that Name A was on a skype call with her as we were calling on Facebook. Since then, Name A and Name B proceeded to tell everyone about my sex life and everyone except for a few people would laugh at me for it. I was humiliated, they weaponised sex to make me feel and look bad. It was brought up so many times during skype calls, even when i told them not to talk about it. This was one of the first instances of grooming and what i first called sexual harassment but after talking to many people about it including survivors, I realised It crossed the line between harassment and assault, numerous survivors can agree and vouch me on that. There was a call at one point between myself, Name A, Name B and Name C, I am not sure how it came about but Name B started to ask me these really graphic sexual questions. I tried to tell her “maybe we shouldn’t talk about this,” because we were in a call with others and I was just generally uncomfortable but she told me that it was “natural,” and “nothing to be ashamed of,” I ended up being coerced into answering these questions and she laughed at me. In August 2020 (two weeks after my dog passed away may i add, i was already in a bad state) Name B suddenly out of nowhere admitted she still had feelings for me and asked me to date her after we flirted with eachother for ten minutes. We agreed to date and we texted with eachother for an hour before there was radio silence from her. Not long after that, Name B suddenly messages me saying she is still in love with Name A, who she was in love with for years before Name A rejected her months prior to Name B admitting her feelings for me. I feel as if I was just the second choice, the rebound, the throw away. Name B was also the first person who had ever shown interest in me romantically so it hurt that this was my first experience in love. I was confused at first when i received these messages, it took a while for me to process what was going on. As mentioned in one of the screenshots, everyone thought Name A was straight, that was the reason Name B was rejected in the first place. I had no idea Name A felt this way, so it was a big shock for me as she never displayed any interest in women prior. I messaged a friend of mine who knew that I was dating Name B and i vented to her. However, Name B hacked my account without my consent, looked through my messages and saw me venting. The hacking would turn out to be something Name B did often and each time she justified it by blaming it on me. In this conversation, there was a lot of guilt tripping too and the way Name B would constantly use a childish nickname for me (in general) seems condescending and almost like talking to a child I was then painted in a bad light and I was not allowed to have feelings about being broken up with for someone else, my feelings were invalidated, i looked like the bad guy and eventually i believed i was the bad guy. Everything seemed to be fine for a while until i got into a skype call and an argument broke out, i had an anxiety attack in the call with Name C, Name B and Name A and they all left me to go into a private skype call. Name B took a photo of the private skype call the three entered into and posted it in a facebook story, the call was called “fuck i hated that call,” and i saw it but i never said anything. Fast forward to November 2020, this is when i started to question my sexuality as i originally identified as bisexual but it didn’t feel right for some reason so i did what anyone would do, i consulted a friend, that friend was Name A. I didn’t tell her explicitly that i was questioning my sexuality but i was hoping by talking to her and asking her about sexual orientation that i would be able to figure things out about myself, i thought she would have understood as she had gone through her own struggles. We were in a call with Name B but she had left the room or something but she was still present. I believe she must have heard us having a private conversation and the entire thing was misinterpreted. Name B and Name A thought i was just jealous of Name A and trying to make Name A feel bad but i wasn’t, i was questioning my sexuality and i thought that talking to Name A would help me. I thought she would understand. Late that night, i got a random message from Name B saying that Name A had gone to bed and that she wanted to talk to me. It was very late at night. Name B started to ask me questions about whether i had feelings for her or not. I was very confused. I said no a few times but Name B said that she wasn’t sure how feelings can go away that quickly, i then replied that perhaps i had pushed them down. She then asked whether i would be in a relationship with her behind Name A’s back. I was uncomfortable but i didn’t know what to do and i believed Name A was asleep. Earlier that day, Name B said that she was sad that Name A won’t have skype sex with her. I panicked and said there was something she couldn’t get, it was not an offer, i was making a statement and i admit i made the situation worse, i wasn’t sure if she was serious or not either. I said things that may have made things worse, things I never should have or would have said so maybe it was partially my fault but She then asked if i was offering her phone sex, i tried to say that it would hurt Name A and it would be wrong but she kept going on about it and Name B said she’d be okay with it. She then said she loved Name A and I told her that she needed to stay with her. I had a hard time sleeping that night, i was shaky, anxious and crying, i even tried to message someone about it. I did not tell Name A because i thought she was asleep. I have a problem with not being able to tell people no. She also asked if I fantasise about her when I read smut, I said no because that’s disturbing. I thought she still had feelings for me and had posted things earlier that day that made it sound as if she still had feelings for someone and i responded the way i did as i thought that she had feelings for me and i was afraid to hurt Name B because last time i rejected her, she was really hurt and i didn’t want to hurt her again like i did the other time The next day, i found out that it was all a test to not only see if i still had feelings for Name B but if i would seduce Name B and get into skype sex with her or send her something. I also found out that Name A was not asleep after all but she was awake, watching the entire conversation. I tried to defend myself but i was made to be the villain, told i had failed again and i felt dirty and disgusting. She did more emotional abuse but I won't get further into that. I am also pretty sure i remember her showing me porn on one of those "watch with friends" websites and i was a minor.

I was sexually assaulted physically and verbally by several of my older sisters boyfriends. She never stood up for me or objected to their comments. Why? I feel so scarred because of this and often cover up parts of my body in public with an intense fear of being verbally assaulted again by men.

Hi everyone, I am not really sure where and how to start. I am now 65 and have been a survivor (and I hate using that word as I feel weak) of sexual abuse by a neighbour when I was 12 years old up until 15 years old, so I should start at the beginning and move forward. I did not grow up in a poor family, I was not treated badly all the time and I did not want for many things (apart from the general things a kid wants at 12 growing up in 1968). I was the youngest of 5 boys and grew up in Melbourne Victoria Australia. At 8 my family consisted of two brothers at home and two brothers in the navy. We had the opportunity of going to the USA when my father was posted there for work. We stayed there for 3 years and we all loved it, from there we were headed to France but my mother kicked up such a racket with my father we headed home to Australia, at the time I was 11. When we got back my father started on the alcohol and become increasingly distant, angry and abusive. My brother above me was 16 months older and above him 24 months older. We all began to hate my dad (something I am not proud to say even now), he would come home and walk into the back of the house, if mum said nothing then he would mumble and go to bed, however, if mum said (which she usually did) something then it was on. Being 11-12 I was fairly tall and my only thought of my dad were him wailing on me for doing something wrong, he would start at the dinner table and on weekends force me to do stupid tasks like weeding between the bricks on the back patio, when it was not done to his satisfaction then he would usually drag me into the bedroom and hit me with a belt. My brothers did not help the situation by trying to make me laugh, just got him madder. At 12 I was starting to get into music and the neighbour across the road was a band manager and had a band that regularly came around so I started to spend some time with him and my best friend (also into music), I am not completely clear what date it happened but (let call him AM, who was a man) AM was over at my place on a day when I was home from school not feeling well, my mum and dad both new him so no problems, on his way out of our house he put his hands down my pants and fondled me, not an unhappy experience to a 12 year old, and said I should come over later to see him. I did this and that is when the sexual experiences started, first it was to fondle me and then he wanted me to fondly him, it was never nasty, hurtful or unpleasant, but it did screw with my head a little. I came over one day with my best friend and AM was all over both of us, I found out later that he was already playing with my best friend. He gradually started to play with both of us at the same time. This happened for a couple of years and the effect was (looking back now) different for both myself and my friend, I started to expose myself to girls and my friend started a risky life of going out with older men, they would pick him up (even when I was at his house) in flash cars and take him for a drive. I spoke to him one day and he told me he as the best c--k suc--r around, he never came onto me and he as gay for 10 years after that. I could go into more details but I wont, except for the impact on me, from 13-60 I was (when under stress) finding a control base by exposing myself to girls, my many psychologists all came to the conclusion that I was trying to control my surroundings by this action, somewhere along the way I started to enjoy it and it became a habit (a disgusting habit and a harmful one), I never really realised what harm I was doing to these girls until I read the 'impact statements' only then did it hit home really hard. I have been convicted on a number of occasions and recently put on the sex offender register. psychological help is ongoing but the ramifications even before being put on the register was depression, thoughts of suicide and dark dark places. The abuse had another affect also, I became a very good sports person, the reason is, I did not mind pain both on myself or inflicting it on others, I would hit contests hard all the time. I was prone to rage (and I still am), I still suffer from the long term affects even today, I have to work really hard to not get angry at my wife and kids (all grown up now and all know what has happened). What I did not do is tell anyone, that was a mistake, talking is good but extremely hard, my wife said to me "if you new it was wrong (talking about going over to AM) then why go", typical question from someone that does not realise that sexual abuse is not always unpleasant. What compounded the situation is that while AM was abusing me my next door neighbour (a women) was also getting me to do things to her, once again not an unpleasant experience, she was nice and kind to me and I lost my virginity to her at the age of 15, funny I hold no animosity towards her at all and I hate AM with a passion. This next part will interest some; So far I have told 9 police officers of the abuse in the interviews and the many court cases I have gone to and so far, 'guess how many have asked me to expand on it', ill give you 2 guesses but I think you will only need one. Police see me as a nothing more than a sex offender, plain and simple, put him in the box, that encapsulates you period, they don't see the many many things I have done right and I have not lost my identity, I can not longer be me, and maybe rightly so. Not sure if anyone want to comment or even care but this is only a snap shot of my lift.

In March, I met someone. By summer, we were friends—the kind that share meals and watch anime on weekends. There was never any hint of more. Then, one night in August, a bottle of bourbon and a game of truth or dare blurred the lines I thought were solid. The conversation turned intimate, and the dares followed. What started with a kiss escalated into something I did not want. I remember saying "no," many times, my hands holding tightly to my clothes as a boundary. I was told "no means yes." In my intoxicated state, my resistance was overcome. I held onto one clear thought: no penetration. That line, at least, was not crossed. In the days that followed, I did everything I was supposed to do. I reached for every lifeline. I took the emergency pill. I made the calls to 1800RESPECT and SARC, navigating support systems in a language that isn't my own. I am awaiting medical screenings. I devoured Chanel Miller's "Know My Name," finding solace in a story that mirrored my own confusion. I talked to AI, tirelessly analyzing every emotion, trying to logic my way out of this pain. I found the courage to call a friend and speak the words aloud, and her belief in me was a anchor. And yet, a persistent voice still circles in the quiet moments: Did I overreact? Was it really that bad? He was nice once. This doubt is a ghost, and it haunts me alongside the heavy grip of my history with depression, which makes everything feel so much heavier. I have made a decision that brings both a sense of relief and a profound sadness. I will likely make a report, but I do not think I will request a full investigation. I have come to the quiet, painful understanding of how difficult it is to prove a violation without concrete evidence, of how the system often fails to deliver justice. My heart breaks for all my sisters who have stood in this same place, who have chosen to prioritize their own survival over a fight they know they cannot win. So, for now, I am choosing to fight for myself instead of against him. My act of rebellion is not in a courtroom; it is in my own healing. It is in believing myself when the world teaches me to doubt. It is in acknowledging that even without legal justice, what happened to me was real, it was wrong, and my pain is valid. I am choosing to care for the person who matters most in this story: me.

I feel that I have never been able to be who I truly am. I was abused by my uncle from I think around 6 until 18. We lived with them and the reason I don't know the age I was when it started is that I remember nothing in my life prior to it. I know the exact story of the first time it happened and it then happened so frequently that I couldn't count. Many times a day, many days a week, many weeks a year etc. It has ruined who I am and my personality now is one of full compliance. I can't say no to people, i let people abuse me in many ways, not just sexually because I do what I have to to please those around me. I told no one of the abuse until 18, and have only told my husband. I have now found out that another cousin suffered the same and her life is absolutely off the rails. I think it happened to all of us, there are five girls but we simply never speak of it. He is still alive, I don't see him, none of us do as he is a drug addict. I want to seek justice but don't know if I am strong enough to survive that. He made my life a nightmare, he changed who I was, he destroyed me.