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In my story, IT STARTED WITH MY BROTHER, I briefly mentioned 3 instances of avoiding being raped by letting men just have me when it seemed like they were going to do me whether or not I consented. I do think I avoided emotional and physical trauma at the time, but the anger, self resentment, and feelings of being wronged and about it did snowball after. I never shared or released those stories. Please read my original story for context. In this instance the sex was already happening when I awoke, and my reflex was to take the non-confrontational path. The easy way, not the right way. I had gotten home from work as a server at my bar and grill restaurant and my female roommate had her father staying with us for the weekend. I had already met him since they drove straight from the airport to the sports bar I worked at. That’s were he told me, “Just call me, ‘Dad’”. They sat in my section, ate, and left. No issues. Then, back at our 2 bedroom apartment there was a small party for his benefit with a couple of our friends. I had a couple hard ciders and chatted about college and my roommate and heard stores of when she was a kid from. I flirted and humored “Dad”’s sexual innuendos directed at me, and ignored his eyes all up and down me. I was used to it. I played the good hostess and waited until it was all dying down probably around 2 or 3 am, before I showered and went to bed. It had been a long day with both class and work. I was stirred out of my sleep a few hours later with "Dad" already inside of me, thrusting in and out between my legs! By the light streaming in through my dark blinds I could tell it was day. But WTF was happening?! My panties were off but my T-shirt was on. Underneath it the dark figure who I quickly was able to identify as "Dad" was caressing my breasts with one hand while holding me down with the other. Still dazed and confused, I guess I put my arms around him and responded like a willing partner. He soon finished and then it got awkward.  He told me "That really hit the spot". He started to make conversation! The longer I had to think, the more I realized what happened. That he had just helped himself as I lay sleeping. I was 19 and dating a hot university baseball player at the time and would not have gone for this fifty or so year old guy on purpose. He was sure drinking that night but I had only had a few ciders. So there I was, realizing I had been kind of raped but held hostage by a sense of politeness! Not to mention as I was 5'3'' 110 pounds, so there was the physical intimidation from a much taller man with a dad bod.  I always pee right after sex but felt captive by "Dad"'s ramblings as he propped himself up on one elbow hovering over me while he ran his fingers over me and stroked my hair sporadically.  I shared his cold can of beer with him that he must have opened right before he came in to rape me because I remember drinking deeply the cold liquid soothing my dry throat. I suffered through some dad jokes and stories I did not care about, as well as answering some personal questions about myself and my sexuality. I was looking for momentary pause to get up and away from “Dad” when he said, "I'm ready to go again, baby." NO! He moved on top of me! Instead of fighting him off me or even saying "no", I spread my legs to accommodate him! WTF! The second time did not have the desperate eagerness of the first, unfortunately. As he even said, he wanted to teach me a lesson this time. I guess about how good he was is bed. A definite case of ‘whiskey dick’. So I let this man I had never wanted or considered sex with jostle me into several positions. He was large man and so much stronger than me it was a joke. After the missionary he picked me up to prove some point and did me against the wall right next to my window. I remember seeing through cracks in the blinds and knowing it was early because the parking lot was full and nothing was moving. Then SLAM onto the bed. We did 69 with me lying on him where I sucked him with all my might wanting to END IT while he was licking me. I failed! He had me being on top riding him at one point. I was on my hands and knees with him ramming behind me when I collapsed under his weight to flat on my face. He enjoyed never letting up on the thrusts as I was completely pinned down by him. I let him give me two or more orgasms in hopes he would just finish. I was so loud I was embarrassed my roommate would come rushing in my room any second. She was passed out drunk. He finally left as soon as he finished. I am sure his ego was massively inflated and the terrible man still thinks of me today! I lie there in my bed catching my breath and getting more anxious. I got up, pulled on some sweats, and B-lined straight out the door to my gym. I wanted to get away so bad. I drank water like I had just walked out of a desert. I showered for so long at the empty Saturday morning gym without any products but hand soap. Then I started to work out like crazy, on three hours sleep and exhaustion. I was trying to sweat him out of my system, to scream and thrash through my exercise. I showered again then went out and fell asleep in my car in the back of the lot. The rest of the weekend I only went to my apartment for minutes at a time to pick up things I needed. I sure as Hell did not sleep there! When he was gone I answered my roommates questions that I had been blowing off with lies and short answers. I told her the truth. She shrugged and looked at me skeptically, like it was just one of those things. I was promiscuous in college and she knew it. We sort of made a joke out of it and moved on. The easy way, not the right way. I still have big time guilt at how I was back then. At the time my things was not that "I wish I had fought him." What I wished was that I had been too drunk to remember!!! So that was that. Something I kept inside, festering. Other things added to it and it got swept under the rug of my damaged psyche. Not one of the worst skeletons in my closet but what I was willing to share for now. I am working up to the others. My first story I shared helped a lot. I hope it helped somebody else too. I thank all of you and I empathize. I will read your stories and support you in my thoughts and prayers.

For me, my story entailed a male friend getting into my bed when i told him not to and forcing me to ‘cuddle’ with him, while he grabbed at me. He had been telling me all night how he missed his girlfriend, particularly her body & “that” part of their relationship. I felt horrible, i was uncomfortable and scared that he might do more. He didnt. But still even years later i feel uneasy when i think about it & how creepy he really was. He ignored me when i said no. He took away my autonomy that night. So dont feel like your story isnt worthy just because it “could have been worse”. Every experience is valid ❤️

The body remembers trauma. I didn’t know this until I experienced it myself. After a fun and rambunctious night with my husband (now ex) I woke up the next morning feeling particularly sore. As I sat on the toilet I realized that this soreness was something I had felt before. I then had a flashback from my sophomore year in college. When I woke up groggy after a night of partying with my soccer teammates. I headed to the bathroom. As I peed I felt that sore and ache-y feeling. I didn’t know what it was and wrote it off as cramps and hangover. I remember looking in the mirror and seeing that I wasn’t wearing my pajamas. Just a random top and shorts. When I got back to my dorm room my then boyfriend was just waking up. And that was the end of my flashback. I then realized my sexual history was a lie. I thought I had lost my virginity to my husband and he was my first and only partner. But this changed everything. I lost my virginity to my boyfriend who raped me and I had no idea. My sexual narrative and my identity changed in my late 30's because of this revelation. Who am I? What does this mean? Bits and pieces from the night returned. I know we drank a lot. I know he walked me home. Thats all I can remember because I blacked out. Is it better that I blacked out? That I cant remember the horrible thing done to me? I don't know. I just feel a bit lost and scared for the 19 year old me who was young and naive. She didn't know what to do. Now in my early 40's divorced and a single parent I'm healing the wounds that were invisible and hiding for so long. Im listening to my body now. And I'm going to nourish it.

My name is Survivor and I live in Huntsville, TX. In 2004, at the age of 15 I was introduced to a man who was a pedophile. This was just after my parents divorced and after growing up with a severely abusive father, I was desperate from male leadership in my life. Needless to say, I was an easy victim. This man began grooming me and would eventually begin molesting me. This happened once or twice a month for the rest of my high school. Little did I know, this man was working alongside a college ministry called Chi Alpha and the Assemblies of God for at least 2 decades and had already molested other boys. For which he served a mere 90 days in Alaska jail. Pastors in our ministry tried to convince students, many of whom who were victims, to write letters of lienance on behalf of the abuser. You would think after high school and turning 18 I would have moved on and left him. After all, why would anyone continue to let themselves get abused? Unfortunately, that’s not how grooming or the mind of a victim works. So, I’m sad to say, the abuse continued. When I was abused in 2005, the statute of limitations in Texas at that time were until the age of 23. At the age of 23, I was still being molested by this man. For a significant amount of time the leadership in the Assemblies of God, which was the denomination I had been apart of my whole life, knew that this man was a registered sex offender and did not take needed steps to rid our ministries of him. I was one of the first victims to publicly come forward in 2023. For nearly 20 years I told no one, not even my wife. Myself and 5 friends, some even pastors in the Assemblies of God, started making calls to friends figuring other men had been abused heard dozens of stories of abuse because we were trying to help over 40 victims get help, seek justice, and heal. We all watched in horror as NDAs were used to insulate organizational leadership to cover themselves, using the NDAs as a fog of ignorance and hiding behind it. Because of this, Justice has not been served. Since then the Assemblies of God has tried to dismiss valid civil claims of negligence, has sidelined victims in the investigation process, and has sneakily tried to get victims to sign NDA’s. I’ll also add that I am a high school teacher here in Texas, and every year I hear stories from students who have been sexually harassed or abused in all kinds of scenarios. The happy side of my story is the abuser is currently in jail and awaiting trial. My wife and I have a rule in our house with our kids - no secrets. Last night I talked to my 8 year old daughter (in kid language) how NDA’s are used. And she said “but if you keep it secret doesn’t that bad person keep hurting children?” I had the privilege of working with Elizabeth and everyone involved with Trey’s Law. It helped my healing so much to be able to meet and talk with other survivors. To hear their struggles and to know I wasn’t crazy or alone. Through that legislative process I found my voice and gained confidence in sharing my story. Thank you Elizabeth for helping me tag along!

Number years since what happened to me. There has been so much pain and hurt. One of these men was constanty asking me to sleep with his friends but my answer was always no , never, not a chance , You see i found it so hard to accept what had happened because i had to much to drink . I do believe that something was put into my drink as i had no more to drink than what i normally would . I was a at party with these two people. I dont remember leaving the house but i do remember getting sick out of the taxi on the way home. Both of these animals took turns to have sex with me . I remember just lying there with no clothes on and been unable to move unable to fight them of . Both of them went outside and i remember the strong smell of cigarettes and could hear them both laughing . Shortly after both of them left and i lay there confussed , helpless and alone. I must have fallen asleep because i remember it was bright out and one of these men came back to the house. No accountability has been taken from either of these and this is what makes healing so hard for me. Im trying to take back my power but some days are just so hard. Both of these men took adavantage of my vunrability. Learning to tust myself and love myself is my main goal for now and knowing that i did nothing wrong,

sorry that this is super long😭😭😭 when I was younger I was best friends with this girl we met on the first day of kindergarten and were inseparable and when we were 7 she started touching me on the school bus and I told the school and instead of helping they put me and her in the school counselor's office and she showed us a video of keeping our hands to ourselves and not letting other people touch out bodies 3 weeks she raped me in her bedroom and I didn't know what to do so I just laid there and didn't speak I think it made it worse that she is a girl and its not typical for females to rape other females so I felt as no one would believe me so I stayed quiet because of what happened the first time after that stuff kept happening but then I got into the 5th grade and we didn't see each other because it was there first real year of COVID so it was all basically online and we were in different classes but then 6th grade started and I was back to seeing her every day and that was super hard and she started to do that stuff and it was really bad on my mental health then she decided to punch me in the face for no reason so I stopped talking to her I ended up admitting myself to a psych ward where I did end up getting help and was doing better and I went to my ex friends play performance and this friend was friends with the girl at the time and I still wanted to be his friend so I because friends with her again and told her that I stopped talking to her because my best friend told me to that night she raped me in my own bedroom after I let her borrow my clothes my shows by hairbrush my everything and she still decided to rape me and that hurt and again like the first time I sat there doing and saying nothing for some reason I couldn't no matter what no matter what I thought no matter what I said nothing I was frozen I always everyone talk about fight or flight and no one ever talks about freeze even tho its one of the most common ones every time she did something like that I would freeze I wouldn't talk I would barely move I just laid there helpless like God was gonna send someone to help me but he never did I was all alone I was like a helpless dog dying on the side of the road and I just let her do it I said no once and after she didn't stop I gave up I didn't know what do do anymore and I didn't wanna repeat myself for some reason so thus I didn't after that I stopped talking to her all together and in 8th grade after being out as transgender for about a year when kids would say stuff what I would correct them on my name she would stand up for me and I hated that I hated it so much it made me feel like I couldn't hate her for raping me and assaulting me because now shes standing up for me so if I hate her I would be a bad person even tho I know I am not a bad person for hating her because I have every right to because of what she did to me even if it was a long time anyways I think that's it sorry again that this is super long I don't know what others look like so I don't know if mines actually long or not compared to other peoples but if you read all of this thank you for reading my story and I hope all of you have an absolutely amazing 💗💗💗

As I write this story to you, please note that this sexual harassment case is still in progress. It began in December of 2022 when I worked as a contractor for a company named Contractor. I do IT work for Company. The first week I was there, I was touched sexually by a coworker named Name. I froze and I didn't know what to do, Name positioned his hand onto my waist and began to slide his hand upward, fondling my breast and, It made me feel violated, it made me feel disgusted. I informed my recruiter Recruiter about what had happened that day. I typed him and email and of course he informed me that he believed me and that Contractor did not tolerate sexual harassment. They told me that they would "talk" with this co-worker. A few months went by but, Name was still making sexual comments to me, and now in September of this year, he began to blow me kisses and winked at me two times. I finally informed a female coworker privately about what was going on and she informed me that this male coworker has gotten away with sexual harassment many times now. I am the third person who has come to HR and has reported what has gone on. My female coworker informed me that she had been sexually abused since July 2022 and no action has still been taken. That is when I decided to take matters into my own hands, I decided to contact a sexual harassment attorney and has recently filed a case with EEOC for sexual harassment and discrimination. When I go to work now, I instantly feel nauseous and full of anxiety. I have decided to contact a psychologists to help me cope with the high anxiety and not being able to sleep at night. You might be asking yourself, "Why didn't you just leave?" well, because It was a job and I have bills to pay. I asked myself the same question many times. Luckily my contract will be with Contractor in December of 2023. It was not myself, who went to HR the second time. It was my female coworker who sent an email with me and she had a conversation about what was going on between Name and I in the workplace. That Name was still sexually harassing me, blowing kisses at me and winking at me, along with other sexual comments. There was one time I was in my cubicle and I was organizing it before going home and Name came up to me and asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was organizing my cubicle, I didn't want seem like a slob and he replied with "Yes but, you would be a cute slob." He would intentionally come over to my cubicle and place each of his hands on each side of the cubical and ask me what I was doing. He would intentionally make me feel uncomfortable and afraid. Luckily I have had enough sick leave saved up, so I have taken sick leave for myself periodically. Once my female coworker reached out to the HR department of both Company, both HR departments tried to call me and email me multiple times. I refused to answer them because I knew in the back of my mind, they weren't on my side. They didn't believe my story about Name the first time so, what would make them believe me the second time? On October 2, 2023, Person of Companycalled me and asked me "Well, what do you think we should do about Name?" and I said out of pure honesty. "Fire him, he needs to be held accountable." and Person laughed at me on the phone, and he said to me "Okay, well. We will talk to Name." and I knew right then and there, they didn't believe me. What they didn't know, is that I had already typed up everything for documentation and was one step ahead of HR because I knew, they weren't going to take me seriously once again so, that is when I took action to contact a sexual harassment attorney. Ever since I have taken this action, HR of both Contractor and, Company have been trying to email me and call me to try and negociant. They didn't believe me two times now, and they laughed at me when I was telling them what should be done about Name. This experience for me, has been frightening and very emotional. I have cried a lot, I haven't slept and for almost a year I have not told my family about the ongoing sexual harassment. I have reminded myself that I am strong and that I will get through this, and that there are resources out there to help me. To this current day, I am still waiting to hear back from the EECO, and hopefully hold Contractor accountable for Name and what he has done to multiple women. I am sharing this story because I need other victims out there to know, YOU! have a voice and you ARE! capable of taking back your self dignity. I took this situation into my own hands because I know, that I am not helpless and that I am able to speak up and not tolerate sexual harassment in the workplace. You deserve respect, you deserve to take back your dignity and you deserve to be heard. Stand up, for what is right and what you believe in. I didn't want to take action but I am thankful that I gathered up enough courage to reach out and take back my self respect for myself and to prove to these two companies that I am NOT! a "play toy" I am a young woman who deserves to be treated with respect. I am not sure if I have touched anyone emotionally by revealing my true story to you. Sexual harassment in the workplace can feel very intimidating and that you feel you won't be believed but sometimes, you need to step up and take action for yourself, and to speak out and share your story so that others don't fall victim to sexual harassment in the workplace like I did and my female coworker. You have a voice and there are resources and that is what men forget. Ladies, we more capable and powerful than what men take us for and it is time we take back our self-respect. Thank you, for taking the time to read my story. A Survivor Of Sexual Harassment In The Workplace - Survivor

This story contains descriptions of self-harm and suicidal thoughts. Please be aware of this. I am a single, HSP-afflicted freelancer. I am currently 38 years old. Like many people my age, my mother was violent when angry. She also broke things, accusing me of misbehaving, such as tearing down all the posters of my favorite idols that were hanging in my room. When she wasn't angry with me or my sister, she would repeatedly smash the frying pan she was using to cook food into the sink if the food burned or if she accidentally dropped a glass, or she would smash even chipped cups and plates. She would then run out of the house, often not knowing when she would return. I remember feeling lonely even as a child. When I was 13, after my mother broke a plate and ran out as usual, I couldn't bear it any longer and used the broken pieces to self-harm. I cut myself deeply on my arm. I think I told my mother I'd fallen, but the scars I still see today clearly couldn't have been caused by that. It wasn't until I turned 36 that I realized the abnormal relationship between my mother and me. Since the COVID-19 pandemic, we've had a series of unfortunate events in the family. My mother, who should be over 60, has a terrible ability to control her emotions and has no boundaries with me, her daughter. Gradually, I realized that my childhood environment was strange, and that the physical and emotional scars were deeper than I'd realized. It may sound unbelievable, but until recently, I didn't think my self-harm was a big deal. I'd barely thought about these scars in my life. I didn't hide them, but I'd spent decades without telling anyone. My mother and I were close, and we'd talk about anything, so now I'm really suffering. I've always been told by family and friends that I was quick to anger and had a tendency to get angry, which really bothered me, and I've struggled with my relationships. I've tried to understand why I was the way I was, reading various books, researching online, and trying to change my personality. So I really can't forgive my mother for taking out her anger on her children despite being a grown adult, for breaking things, for running away from home on a daily basis, and for laughing at my personality for decades, calling it weird. More than anything, I feel like my life is irreparable, and I can't bear the frustration. If I had realized my mother's abnormal side sooner, I think my personality and the way I build relationships would have been different. I'm in the midst of a flood of emotions. When I have more free time from my freelance work, I often think that being a Shin would be nice. It's a bit disorganized, but I'd be happy if it could be of some use to someone.

I haven’t been able to talk about my story because I feel invalid, because it wasn’t of an older person, because we were both children, because we were the same age, because “it was just a crush”. A boy in my primary school used to like me for a few years (Year 2-Year 5) and I didn’t feel the same way. I’ll admit, in year two, I liked the attention, I liked having the nice compliments “Your hair looks really pretty today”, “Your eyes are so green I really like them!”. But from me, it wasn’t a crush, I didn’t have interest in him. One day in year 3, I was sat next to him in my class. We were placed at the back and our tables were in split for two people and were in rows, so nobody could really see us at the back or at least they didn’t focus on us. I was writing when I felt a hand gliding up my thigh and lifting my skirt. I stopped writing and turned to the boy, who was grinning at me and I had never felt more disgusted in my life. I whispered for him to stop but his hand kept inching closer up my skirt to my knickers, of which he started to push his hand underneath. It wasn’t until I finally squirmed away that he stopped and glared at me. I didn’t say anything because he was scary to me, he was bigger than me, and so were all of his friends. He used to kiss me on my cheeks, on my head, on my neck, and I would tell him to stop but he said it was okay because everyone did it. I was 6. I feel invalid because of that. I feel that there’s no need for me to speak up because I was so young, and he was 7 so he was young too. Nothing would happen. I was scared, he would tell me not to tell anybody or he would hurt me. One day, I was walking back inside and I felt him run up behind me and start grabbing me from behind and (massaging) my bum. I kicked and squirmed until he let go of me and I ran inside to tell a teacher because I was so scared that he would chase me. I told her everything, I trusted her. She told me (and I quote) “You know sweetheart, he probably has a crush on you. It’s just what boys do. He might be going through something, you know what he’s like.” I left home early because I couldn’t stop crying. I told my dad and he called my school, they hadn’t even put any of it on record. Meaning, there was no word of that kid touching me anywhere. My dad threatened the teacher I spoke to with police if she didn’t put it on file. I still don’t know if she did, but I would assume she did. I hate myself for telling somebody, because after that, until I left primary school, I was bullied constantly. I remember being cornered on the school field by 5 of his friends, they all lifted up my skirt and made fun of me because I was wearing pink panda knickers. I had never felt so dehumanised over one, small incident. I told teachers, and they did nothing. I was at my lowest, wanting to harm myself. From the age of 7. I was self harming by I was 8. That boy has made me repulsed by physical affection, and I push away a lot of good boys because I’m scared of something similar happening back from when I was 6. I’m sorry this post was so long. But it means the world to even just talk about it. I hope anyone who has gone through a similar situation heals and realises that, it’s not “just a crush” and it’s not “because they’re like that”. It’s wong, and you were taken advantage of, no matter how young, or old you were. You are loved and appreciated.

Name: Triumph Over Tragedy City, GA AIDS survivor and motivational speaker Name has a profound story that heals hearts. As a screenwriter, playwright, poet, Gospel songwriter, and author, she crafts riveting truths about love, life, and relationships, mirroring her trials. Name has faced abuse, addiction, domestic violence, suicide, and sexual assault. At the age of 21, Name was sexually assaulted by a stranger, and ten years later, she was date assaulted by two men she was dating, one of them being one of the assaulters. Despite these hardships, she committed her life to God, becoming celibate in 2000. Diagnosed with HIV in 2010 and progressing to AIDS in 2013, she defied the odds, with her AIDS status having been healed since 2014. Her films, available on Amazon Prime, and her stage play, performed in City, showcase her resilience. Name continues to inspire through her faith, therapy, and the support of her daughters. Follow Name on Instagram and Facebook for more of her inspiring journey. Name is a multitalented speaker, writer, and inventor featured in movies, plays, books, and online articles. Her films feature Hollywood talents such as Robin Givens and Paula Jai Parker. Learn more at [Name's website] (Link).

When I was five years old, I was repeatedly molested by another student at my school. I am in my twenties now, and these memories have slowly been returning over time. Although many aspects of the time are hazy, I can still remember vividly the sensation of his hands on me. He would corner me and get me alone so he could force his hands under my clothing and underwear, groping me for several minutes at a time. If I resisted, he would hurt me by pinching, kicking, etc. There was at least one other boy involved who would help in cornering me. I was five and didn't understand the extent of what was going on but felt so shameful about it. At one point I mustered the courage to tell my mom who screamed and then never mentioned it again. Since I was five, I have suffered anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, an eating disorder, psychogenic non-epileptic seizures, night terrors, and an autoimmune disorder with symptoms like alopecia, rashes, and weight loss. I do not know to what extent these health issues have been a consequence of my assault as I have only just come to terms with what happened. I have long considered myself asexual, but starting a serious relationship has had me re-grappling my sexuality and fears of intimacy. I am so ready to heal but also feel so afraid. I can't imagine life without this fear and shame.

This is something I’ve thought about for a long time. I told some people but they don't know the details. I’ll start at the beginning. When I was first sexually abused. I had a best friend. I have known her since we were in diapers. I always went to her house every. Single. Weekend. Until fourth grade was over. Well, this particular time was different. I used the bathroom at her house like I always do. Now this is where it gets weird. She asked me if I…pooped. Yeah, weird. I reluctantly told her yes. I don’t exactly remember what happened next, but every weekend she would try and get me to poop. Even if I didn’t have to. Now, this is the crazy part. She would have me get down on my hands and knees with my pants down. Then she would shove a Sharpie in me. Yes, it hurt. My face scrunched up. She kept going and I didn’t say anything because one, I was scared and two I just freaked out and froze. And sometimes she would lay and towel down on her floor, wanting me to take a crap on it. I didn’t that time but I think I did. Once. Another time was when she got orbies. Yes, ORBIES. She put them in a pencil case that was filled with water. When they grew, she had me get on my hands and knees again and shoved them in me like she did with the Sharpie. Now, I didn’t really know what was going on. I was nine and clueless. And a little scared of her. She tends to get violent sometimes if I don’t do something she wants. So this time like all the other times, I didn’t say a word. Once I was full of orbies, she had me sit on the toilet and push them out. Some were too far up me and I couldn’t get it out. So…this is really hard to put down. I’ve never gone into this much detail before. She had to use her finger to get them out. When they were out, she had me do the same thing to her. And that was the first and only time she wanted me to do something to her. Every time I would go over, she did the same thing. I kept going to her house because I mean she’s my best friend and I didn’t know it was wrong until it popped up in my head one day. Four years later. Now, when I found out it was wrong. I was in shock. I didn’t know what to think. Well, the first thing I thought was ‘why.’ I was traumatized from then on. And then the unthinkable happened. It happens AGAIN. This story has a lot of parts. So I had this neighbor that was really annoying and I tried to avoid her. Well, when I couldn’t I had to hang out with her. And when we did it wasn’t all bad. We went to her granny and papa’s house and swam in their pool and played laser tag. This particular afternoon, we were at her granny and papa’s house swimming. So, we’re swimming and my top keeps falling. So then I decided to just take it off. I mean we were both girls and I didn’t think much of it. But that just led to worse things happening. So back to the pool. She asked if she could kiss me. I didn’t know what to say. I mean I’ve never kissed anyone before, so I said ‘sure’ just wanting to try it out. Mind you, I didn’t like her like that. So to me, it was a kiss. To her, it was something more. So we kissed and then I grinded on her leg and she did the same to me. So, we got out after that and just hung out. A little while after that we started dating. It was on and off. She only wanted sexual favors but I’ll get to that. We were at their house, we were in her room looking for her X-box. She sat on the bed and I just stood there awkwardly. Then she mentioned something about me either giving her head or fingering her. I don't remember but, I do remember somehow avoiding the question and changed the subject. Fast forward to a few weeks later, we were at my house in my pool. So were just swimming and playing around. Well, she got horny like she always does whenever we’re alone. This is the really disturbing part. We had these pool torpedoes, right? We had like four of them. Well, she got creative and decided to shove two up inside her and she wanted me to do the same. I asked ‘why’ and she just said ‘Just do it, it feels good.’ I of course didn’t believe her, but she kind of coerced me to. So she put two in me and it hurt like hell. I could barely move. After a few seconds of having them in, I wanted them out, but she wouldn’t let me. I told her it hurt and she didn’t care. She told me I had to get ready for dick. Instead, we got out of the pool and walked to my treehouse. I don't know how I could walk let alone climb the ladder to get up into the treehouse. So we sat down, and I said, ‘Name, please let me take them out, it hurts.’ she said I could only take them out if I fingered her. Yeah, she’s controlling and manipulative. She gave me no choice. When I was done, I took them out. Just then her mom came over and said it was time to go home. Thank god. When she left, I went inside and changed. When I was done, I went to the bathroom and it burned. And I was bleeding. Yeah, she popped my fucking cherry in the worst way possible. Crazy right? Well, it doesn’t end there. It hurt to walk because I had a constant burn between my legs. I couldn’t wear underwear because it hurt so bad. They would rub up against me and make the pain even worse. I didn’t tell anybody because I was ashamed of myself. I never told her ‘no.’ it's like you do something you don’t want to do and you feel like you have no choice. You just kind of disassociate and aren’t in the moment. And when it's over, that’s when it hits you. And you ask yourself, ‘Why did I do that?’ and you can’t go back and fix it. I ask myself that every day I see her, when I go near my pool, and when I see those toys she used on me. I could hardly fall asleep that night, and the burn made it hard to sleep. A few days after when I went to the bathroom it burned and there was this pain. I can’t explain. I couldn’t even do track practice. I later found out I had a UTI. I didn’t dare tell anyone about it because I was ashamed of myself. I let this happen to me again. That wasn’t the only time. I tried to avoid her after that but she always saw me and I’d pretend to be happy to see her. Whenever we were alone together she would somehow coerce me into doing sexual things to her. One time I went over to her house after I got off the bus. I put my backpack inside and went back over. I wasn’t to be over there because her mom wasn't home. She invited me in, and of course, I didn’t speak up and say ‘no’ for the hundredth time. So she showed me around the house and we sat on the couch and I tried to have a casual conversation but all she wanted to do was make out. She convinced me to go into her room. And there we made out and got naked. I really hate saying this. But I was kissing her and she asked me ‘You want to eat this pussy?’ and I didn’t say no. I just nodded my head and I hated myself and wanted to kill myself afterward. I went home and washed my face and my mouth to get her taste off my face and my mouth. I never said no because one I was scared and if I said I didn’t want to she would threaten me or manipulate me into what she wanted. Like what she did at the pool. Im still traumatized from that. And I see her every day at school. I can't forget what she did to me. Now I don't like people touching me the way she made me touch her. Since she was my first sexual experience now I do things with girls more than I do with boys. She messed me up in so many ways. I told my friend what she did and of course, she was disgusted. She made this ‘ugh’ face and shook her head. It was funny. This is the more updated version than what I put on paper, but im gonna put this on paper. I could print it but I don't want my parents to read this. They would be very concerned.

When I was 7(I am a girl) my older cousin who would’ve been 9(also a girl) came to live with me and my family and she had to share a room with me because my parents didn’t have enough space for her to have her own room, and we had to share one room. I think very early on she found out about p0rn and she saw sexual acts in the videos and one day she told me that we were gonna play a game and she told me that i was going to be a girl and she was going to be a boy. By the way this was late at night, my brother was asleep, her parents were asleep and my parents were asleep so i guess i was vulnerable in that way. I remember that we didn’t really have like a conversation about consent because i didn’t know what was going on truly but i remember what she did to me and told me to do to her. At first she told me to just like kiss her and she told me to use my tongue. And then she told me to lift up my shirt and groped my newly developed chests. And told me to do the same to her. Then she told me to finger her and fingered me. I didn’t know what fingering was so of course she had to explain it to me. And at first this was all it was, there was no oral involved. But by the time i had turn 8(i was born later in the year so it was only a couple months later) It had continued and gotten worse. She started to give me hickeys on my breast, and she ate my pussy, she would also try and show me p0rn, and when i said that it was weird she told me to just watch it. I remember one time i was trying on bras with my mom because i had developed more and needed new ones, she saw a hickey on my breast and got so scared for me, and emotional, she bugged me with what happened, I didn’t know what to say. I told my cousin and she told me that if i told her what happened she’d tell everyone about our secret. I thought I had done something wrong and honestly still do but anyways I got scared and told her mom and my mom that we were fighting, i hit her in her face, so she punched me in my chest, even though that was a lie, i did it to save her. I remember she was very manipulative and still is so it’s hard to say no and not follow her rules. (She also gave me rules to follow like done everything i say, don’t disobey me, etc.) This continued until she left and i remember feeling peace afterwards. I got really close with my cousin who is only a couple months younger than me and I told her about my experience. Turns out she was also touched(she never experienced oral but that’s still horrible) and she got kissed with tongue. I still don’t know if this is truly COCSA but i still have trauma i think and i feel like i sexualize myself and im just over sexual. Anyways, I am still in contact and sort of close with my abuser, and for some reason now she likes ruining my relationships, and my other two cousins who were also abused relationships. For example, she tried to tell her mom, my mom, and my aunt who favors her that my boyfriend was using me for sex even though me and my boyfriend have a loving relationship. I can’t cut her off yet because we’re both still minors but when i get older i honestly want to, but i come from a family with generational trauma with a lot of aunts and uncles who believe that no matter what we’re family and we should always love each other and talk to each other However my cousin(the one who i’m very close with) wants to tell her mom, step mom, and my mom. I’m scared and I don’t feel ready, just because i feel like it would cause a lot of family issues. And the family bond we share would be collateral damage.

sorry that this is super long😭😭😭 when I was younger I was best friends with this girl we met on the first day of kindergarten and were inseparable and when we were 7 she started touching me on the school bus and I told the school and instead of helping they put me and her in the school counselor's office and she showed us a video of keeping our hands to ourselves and not letting other people touch out bodies 3 weeks she raped me in her bedroom and I didn't know what to do so I just laid there and didn't speak I think it made it worse that she is a girl and its not typical for females to rape other females so I felt as no one would believe me so I stayed quiet because of what happened the first time after that stuff kept happening but then I got into the 5th grade and we didn't see each other because it was there first real year of COVID so it was all basically online and we were in different classes but then 6th grade started and I was back to seeing her every day and that was super hard and she started to do that stuff and it was really bad on my mental health then she decided to punch me in the face for no reason so I stopped talking to her I ended up admitting myself to a psych ward where I did end up getting help and was doing better and I went to my ex friends play performance and this friend was friends with the girl at the time and I still wanted to be his friend so I because friends with her again and told her that I stopped talking to her because my best friend told me to that night she raped me in my own bedroom after I let her borrow my clothes my shows by hairbrush my everything and she still decided to rape me and that hurt and again like the first time I sat there doing and saying nothing for some reason I couldn't no matter what no matter what I thought no matter what I said nothing I was frozen I always everyone talk about fight or flight and no one ever talks about freeze even tho its one of the most common ones every time she did something like that I would freeze I wouldn't talk I would barely move I just laid there helpless like God was gonna send someone to help me but he never did I was all alone I was like a helpless dog dying on the side of the road and I just let her do it I said no once and after she didn't stop I gave up I didn't know what do do anymore and I didn't wanna repeat myself for some reason so thus I didn't after that I stopped talking to her all together and in 8th grade after being out as transgender for about a year when kids would say stuff what I would correct them on my name she would stand up for me and I hated that I hated it so much it made me feel like I couldn't hate her for raping me and assaulting me because now shes standing up for me so if I hate her I would be a bad person even tho I know I am not a bad person for hating her because I have every right to because of what she did to me even if it was a long time anyways I think that's it sorry again that this is super long I don't know what others look like so I don't know if mines actually long or not compared to other peoples but if you read all of this thank you for reading my story and I hope all of you have an absolutely amazing 💗💗💗

Most of the time I feel like I have overcome his touch. But sometimes, I still feel the warmth of his embrace. Apparently “all boys aren’t the same” so I get close and touchy with them, tease them, and sometimes even kiss them. I think I do it on purpose. I try to convince myself that I'm over it, I'm over the fact that I've been marked by the wrong person. I'm over the fact that I can’t be alone in public. I'm scared. No, not scared, terrified. I'm afraid of loving another without knowing their intention. I’m terrified that someone is about to take another piece of my soul, I'm afraid that even if I say “please stop” it’s liable to be another 2 words that were misunderstood, I’m afraid of it happening all over again. This is like someone expecting to be burned when they touch something hot, no matter how many times they've been reassured the object is now cool. The fear is still there, even if the danger has passed. I want to be loved but my fears push everyone away. After 2 years of being in an abusive relationship, I thought I could get back out there and move on, but I moved into the wrong person. I was fifteen years old when the phrase “please stop, I'm tired” came out of my mouth. I wish I would never have to say it again. I'm sixteen. It’s almost been 5 months since it happened, but it somehow feels like it was just last week. The thought of his hands on my neck, blurry visions and the sentence “I know you want it” makes me want to curl up in a ball, cry and tear off the layers of my skin until I can no longer feel his touch. ‘PTSD’ they call it. Triggers that bring you back to your trauma. I walk right by my triggers every day; they think you're weak because you can't face them and always find other ways to avoid them. I'm not weak; I just can't bear to feel him on me every time I see that jacket. This is like the feeling of plunging into icy waters; the shock is so overwhelming that no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to swim back up to the safety of the shore. No matter how much time passes, the trauma still lingers, and triggers bring you right back to that moment. 2 months passed before I spoke up about what had happened. "Why didn't you say something sooner? Now it sounds like a lie" I wish I could, but deep down I was ashamed, scared and hurt. Every time I hear someone mention his name, my heart starts racing, my palms get sweaty, and I feel a sense of panic rising in me. Everyone says it will get easier, but when is that? As the Greek writer Vasso Charalambous once wrote: “The pain you feel today is the strength you feel tomorrow.” I’m still trying to find my strength to be able to trust another man without needing to stress if I need to tape my clothes to my skin I was a victim of rape and have been dealing with its aftermath ever since. The sense of fear, insecurity and vulnerability that I feel every time someone mentions his name is something that I struggle to shake off. While I cannot speak for all victims of rape, I can say that in my experience, the healing process has been invaluable. Through therapy and the support of my loved ones, I have been able to work through my trauma and come out the other side a stronger person. As of right now, I am still trying. I want to use my story to make sure that no other survivor feels alone in their experience. I want to be a voice for those who have been silenced, and I hope to show them that there is still hope, even after the darkness. Being strong and resilient, and having the strength to move forward, are things I'm proud of about myself. I will not let what he did to me define the rest of my life. I am more than my trauma. I am more than my pain. I am more than what he did to do to me.

I can safely say here that last year I have been sexually assaulted by my boyfriend at the time. I was a virgin and wanted him to kindly lead me to make love but he took it from me and so til this date I am working through that. I have been introduced to this platform by a girl who reads my blog and so I am ever so grateful to be able to share these and to follow you on Instagram I am forever grateful Regards with much love, g.

I am writing this a mother of a survivor. My daughter was abused by her paternal grandfather from the age of 5 to 6 years of age. Her father discovered the abuse, as we were in the process of divorce at the time. I learned of it through a DFS investigator who told me over the phone what was happening with my child. I was devastated. Her abuser was arrested and after a short period of investigation, we went to trial. His attorney wanted him to receive just 5 years of probation and no registry. We fought against it as they had also found child pornography on his computer at the time. At court, he was found to have her picture even though he was already advised that he could not possess it or have any contact with her. He made excuses that he loved her. This judge did not believe a word he said and said that they were no more than "self-serving words." He was sentenced to 10 years for each count for a total of 20 years to be served concurrently with 80% mandatory. This was in 2011. Just 2 years later we received a letter that he was up for "early parole". My ex-husband and I attended. With him, he brought a letter that he had received from his father asking for a picture of him and our daughter. While there he spoke of having "friends" in prison that protected him from other inmates. When he was told that if he were to get parole, one of the conditions was that he could not have a computer or any device that accesses the internet. He tried to argue that he paid his bills online. His early parole was denied. During all this, we started to see a change in our daughter's behavior. She was having night terrors and was generally not our normal happy-go-lucky kiddo. When she was 9 she told me that she wanted to die. I called her doctor, took her to the ER and she was admitted. They diagnosed her with trauma-induced bipolar, generalized anxiety, and PTSD. She spent the next 6 years in and out of hospitals for suicide attempts and suicidal ideations. Then in 2017, he was up for parole again. This time she wanted to attend, because she was old enough at this point she would be allowed to speak at the hearing. To say that I was proud of her was an understatement. She explained what she had been through and that the 10 years that he was sentenced to was nothing compared to the life sentence that she was given. After she spoke, it was my turn, and then his. She left the room during his time to speak as she could not handle even hearing his voice. In the end, the gentleman handling the hearing came out and congratulated my daughter on her strength and that he was in awe of her ability to speak up for herself. We later found out that he was denied parole again and would complete his sentence. He was released in 2021. As for my daughter, she is doing amazing. She moved to California when she was 20 years old and has been there for almost a year. She is getting ready to start college for a career in ESL and has plans to go to South Korea next summer with plans to move there in the future. She continues to amaze me and fight for herself as well as taking care of her mental health. She has also stopped calling herself a victim and refers to herself as a survivor.

Being in a relationship with the person who took advantage of you does not invalidate what happened. I'm still learning to come to terms with this but it's the fact that's helping me to heal. I was in a relationship with an emotionally and physically manipulative partner for over a year and could not have told anyone how toxic it was for me until looking back on it afterwards. I still think about that one night that made the difference, the one that I like to think woke me up. It certainly wasn't the first time I had been pressured into rough sex I didn't want or enjoy, and it certainly wasn't the worst situation he had put me in to have it, but it was the very first time I found the courage to say "no, stop", and yet it still didn't make a difference. I remember having to lay next to him the rest of the night, crying silently while he was there smiling like nothing had happened. I went through a lot of personal changes after finally getting out of that relationship. I still have trouble with trust, in romantic relationships and within myself. But I want to share my story because I wish I could've heard then that I was not as alone as I felt. I wish someone had told me that just because I cared so much about him didn't mean that I was the one at fault, that I wasn't crazy or weak for thinking things might change, and that I needed to put myself and my well-being first for a change. I'm here to say, to anyone facing something similar, you are not alone. You are worth so much and are loved by so many. You are so much stronger than you realize.

I was raped by my ex, in my apartment, while I was intoxicated. I was under the impression we were drinking together, but he stopped before me. Before I could realize he had stopped drinking I was black out drunk and in and out of consciousness. I only remember He digitally and orally raped me vaginally and anally. I had a suspected miscarriage a month later, and from an infection he gave me, I suspect he did more that night when I was unconscious. I have reported to police and I’m waiting on grand jury deliberation for a felony rape charge against him. He lives a minute from me and until I’m financially able I’m unable to move, so everyday I live in fear. He used to share fantasies of raping me by breaking in so I have safety measurements in place.

I was in second year of my undergrad and at that time I was partying and getting drunk almost every night. I recently came out to my friends as bisexual and was really shy and nervous about that whole thing. I wasn’t confident in my sexuality and they made jokes about what kind of girls I was into. I felt alone and uncomfortable with my self and who I was interested in. I went to a local bar one night and got so so drunk I managed to leave the bar and start walking home to my university house really late at night. My roommates weren’t with me and didn’t know where I went. To this day, 4 years later I cannot remember why or how I left. I have the start of my memories on my bedroom with some girl on top of me. I did not remember how we got there, I didn’t know who she was, I didn’t know what was happening. She was kissing me and touching me all over. I kept saying stop, what’s going on. She kept saying it’s okay, your so hot. But I was so drunk I could barley walk or speak. I managed to tell her to get off and leave. She did and as soon as she closed the door to my room I locked it. I was so scared, drunk and in shock of what just happened. My roommates came home while she was in my room and as soon as she left, they asked who that was. I didn’t know the answer. I said I legit don’t know and that was the end of it as everyone assumed I wanted this person there. I tried to tell one roommate the next day that I didn’t know the person and to let her know I needed help. She didn’t realize what I was saying to her. I walked around the next year and half at my university thinking I was going to see this girl. I thought I did one time and I started balling my eyes out and hid my face until they walked past. Years later I broke down and told my new boyfriend and months later, I told my friends from home. To this day the flashback of being in my room with stranger on top of me makes me want to throw up. I don’t know how to heal or how long it will take but all I know was that was not okay. I was not okay and I am safe now but wasn’t then. I was scared to speak but I need to. I did not want that, I was not conscious.