#414

It all started in the spring of 2021. I was walking home from grabbing a coffee with my brother. After we parted ways infront of my student's home, I went to get a bag because I planned on going to a grocery store nearby. I had made it half the way there, when I was stopped by a man on a bike. He was quite a bit older than me and told me that he had been following me for about two hours, which means that he also saw me entering my building. He insisted I gave him my number. I told him that his advances were inappropriate (if he really had to, he could have asked me when there were people around and when I wasn't alone in an unfrequented alley). He wouldn't let it go and insisted I come and have a drink with him at his place. He followed me for the rest of the way and only left me alone after I told him that I was meeting with a friend who was already waiting for me. A week went by and he "bumped" into me again at the same location as the previous week. It freaked me out and I didn't know how to react, so I just froze and stared at him. That day, I was wearing a crop top and he took that as an invitation to poke his finger into my belly button while joking that he wouldn't penetrate me too hard. I was still petrified. He then preceeded to pull his phone out of his pocket and opened the note app. He showed me that he had documented the outfits I (he called me the tight bitch in it) had been wearing throughout the week. The list was accurate. I can't put into words how horrified this made me feel. It made my stomach turn and I was finally able to vocalize my dissatisfaction. I screamed at him to leave me alone and told him how fucked up his behaviour was. He just smiled and preceeded to follow me again, while ignoring my pleas for him to leave me alone and to stop following me. This was the day I realized that he was stalking me from the beginning. He wasn't just some misguided dude who didn't know how to behave in a way that is socially acceptable. He just genuinly didn't care about how his behaviour made me feel, because he thought that he was entitled to me and my body. Time went by and similar things kept happening over the following two or three months. He started waiting infront of my students' home and there were weeks where he "bumped" into me six or seven times a day . I grew even more terrified and avoided leaving my room as much as I could. When I finally mustered enough courage to snap a photo of him and threaten him with police, he threatened me by saying something along the lines of "okay, I'll leave you alone for now, no problem. I know where you live anyways." It got so bad, I decided to move back in with my parents for a while. When I returned about two months later, he waited infront of my building again and asked where I had been. He kept stalking me, until one day he was gone. I don't now where he went, I just hope that it's finally over. The past year has taken a toll on me. I've been mentally drained and exhausted ever since it started happening. Even though I haven't seen him around in nearly three months, I am absolutely terrified to leave my dorm on my own - even during the day. Now, when I have to run errands, my friends have to accompany me. I can't even do basic things on my own. It makes me feel pathetic. I reached my breaking point about a month ago, when my friends and I where roofied at a student's party. Thankfully, nothing else happened to us because a different group of friends made sure we got home safely. Yet, once again I felt like I had absolutely no control over myself, my body , or my life. I am eternally grateful that nothing happened. I know it could have been much worse. But what happened that night piled onto everything else I had been dealing with up to this point. It made me wonder if I, or any of my friends who have experienced harrassment and have been in unpredictable, dangerous situations as well, would ever be able to protect ourselves. It made me wonder what would happen to us when we had to inevitably part our ways after uni. I'm anxious about what the future has in store for us when we can't be together to protect and care for each other.