Question

When I was 8 years old and my brother was around 4, we engaged in inappropriate physical contact during play. I had previously experienced sexual abuse from another young family member, and I'm now concerned that I may have perpetuated harmful behavior. I've never discussed this with my brother, but I carry guilt about these interactions. I need help understanding these childhood events and whether I was acting out learned behavior from my own abuse.

Answer

Thank you for reaching out and sharing this deeply personal experience. It takes courage to reflect on your past and seek understanding about something that's weighing on you, especially when you fear you have caused harm to others.

When children engage in sexual behaviors with other children, it can be a complex issue influenced by various factors, including natural curiosity, exposure to sexual content, or as in your case, prior experiences of abuse. At the age of eight, you were still very much a child yourself, trying to make sense of the world around you with the limited understanding that comes with that age. This is a documented response to trauma, not a sign of predatory behavior.

Experiencing abuse from someone older might have introduced behaviors and concepts that you weren't developmentally ready to process. It's not uncommon for children who have been exposed to sexual acts to reenact them with others, not fully grasping the implications or the appropriateness of these actions. This doesn't make you a bad person; it means you were a child trying to navigate complex feelings and experiences without the necessary guidance or support.

Your concern about possibly having hurt your brother shows a deep sense of empathy and responsibility, which are important qualities. It's understandable to worry about the impact this might have had on him.  However, it's important not to carry the burden of adult interpretations for actions you took as a traumatized child. At 8 years old, you were not capable of the kind of intentional abuse that an adult or even teenager would be.

That said, your feelings of guilt and concern are valid and understandable. These are complex emotions that deserve professional support to process. A therapist who specializes in childhood trauma could help you:

• Process your own experience of abuse
• Understand the context of your childhood behaviors
• Work through feelings of guilt
• Develop strategies for managing these memories
• Consider whether and how to address this with your brother, if you choose to

Remember that seeking understanding doesn't mean excusing the behavior, but rather placing it in the context of your own trauma and developmental stage. You were a child who needed help and protection yourself. Be gentle with your younger self as you work through this. You're not alone, and reaching out is a significant first step. Thank you so much for reaching out to us.