Just a kid

When I was a child abut 10 or 11 years old the son of my dad’s best friend started pleasuring himself n front of me. I was afraid to tell anyone because I did not think his parents would believe m and I did not want my dad to get into a fight with his friends. This friends son was not even a year older than me. He went on vacations with us and I was often left alone with him. By the time I was 11 the abuse escalated. One night while we were on vacation with my dad we were left alone while my dad went out to fish late at night and while I was sleeping he climbed into my bed. I woke up with him on top of me. I tried to push him off but I was a small kid. He said shh it’s ok it’s just me. I still tried to push him off but he already had his pants off and. He easily pushed my shorts aside…. He held my hands down while he raped me. It hurt and I was terrified someone would find out and think it was my fault because I had not told about the other stuff happening. This happened for the next couple years any theme he could get me alone. I was so ashamed and truly believed it was my fault. It finally stopped when I got old enough to refuse to go around them anymore. I never told anyone then.. By the time I was old enough to really understand that it was NOT MY FAULT. I felt like confronting him would only hurt my dad. Now over 30 years later my dad who I loved so much has passed away and I wish I had told him. I finally told my husband and I was so afraid he would stop loving me. But he didn’t.