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Survivor story
Incest Survivor
Original story
Message to a Survivor
It does get better. Don't blame yourself or force yourself to confront or forgive anyone. And don't feel guilty for being mad at them and constructing angry fantasies against your abuser. Just don't act on them for 'revenge'. Sometimes the best revenge is a life well lived.
Message of Healing
Healing is being able to stop obsessing over your trauma. It is to find your own identity and own it. When you can grieve for your lost inner child and express anger at the adults who wronged you and those who stood by and watched, that is when you truly heal.
Everyone talks about wanting to be a kid again. "Times were so much simpler then" and "the most joyous period of my life" are the words I've heard. My innocence was robbed from me when I was 7 and my dad was 35. He touched me and I froze. Then he made me touch him which is when I pulled away and his devilish laugh still rings in my ears. Fast forward 6 years, a few months before my 13th birthday he began fondling me. He raped the day after I turned 13. He promised it would never happen again but he did it the next day. At 14, he forced me to kiss him everyday. Suddenly I realized why I never stood up to him when my mom told me- "It's okay just give him what he wants". After that I said no and kicked and screamed as he continued groping me. Anytime he would sleep next to me on vacation, he would slip his hands under my shirt. When I pushed him off angrily, he whimpered in protest and I nearly kicked him. At 17, he stopped and I never gave him a second chance though he tried to get close. I knew his promises were worth nothing. At 18, I moved out, have cut all contact with him and I'm undergoing therapy.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.