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Healing... Finally.

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It is always difficult to tell your story, and to grow from it and not let it define you. But there is always hope and a brighter future then what happened. And yes, it SUCKS to grow thru it, and have those memories. But stay strong, everything heals and time definitely helps.

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Healing to mean is finding peace in your pain. That you don't forget what you went thru but to find a sort of peace within it. It took me a long time to be at peace with my pain, all the thinking, that it was my fault, or even that feeling of jealousy watching someone who did such a horrible thing to me move on and be happy and unaffected by what he did to me.

My story starts when I was 10 years old. When my brother, who is 2 years older than me, started asking that I give him wedgies, and then it turned into something darker. It then turned into my brother asking if he could see my private parts, and in exchange he would show me his. And of course, as a child I didn't truly understand what was happening, I mean how could I. I had told him no at first, because it wasn't right, but then he kept asking so I finally gave in. He proceeded to tough my privates, and it made me very uncomfortable. But then it escalated into him wanting to show me how he masturbated. Then about 6 months later, a little bit after I had turned 11, he then asked me to suck to private parts. I refused but then agreed. Not knowing what it meant, just that my big brother had asked me to do something. After that day, everything stopped. Then once, I turned 17, I finally told my parents everything that had happened, and confronted my brother. He did not remember a single thing, while I remembered everything. We then all proceeded to sweep the whole ordeal underneath the rug, my parents favorite coping mechanism. And finally at 19, I have decided that I am done sweeping it under the rug. My story has been a long road, I am now 19 years old and have finally come to terms with everything that happened. I truly believe in the words, you can forgive, but you never forget. But it took a lot of time to get here and believe me when I say that I still feel hurt by it, I had a very traumatic thing happen to me when I was a child, by someone who I completely trusted. And I proceed not to tell anyone what happened, in fear that my brother would be taken away from me. But even though I am still on my road to healing, I thought maybe someone could benefit from my story.

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