I've always had the memory of my sisters having me "breastfeed" when I was younger. I wasn't sure if it was real or something I had imagined. About a year ago, one of my sisters mentioned it while talking with my mom and me about our other sister, and I realized it had actually happened. She didn't admit to doing it herself, but I remember it happening. I was around 6, and they were 10 and 6 years older than me. I don't know what this would be considered or if it counts as COCSA (Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse). The memory has always crept up on me randomly, and I just wish I could forget it. How should I understand this experience?

Thank you for sharing this with us. When children engage in activities that involve private parts or mimic adult behaviors, it can be complex to understand later in life. Childhood interactions between siblings can sometimes include behavior that mimics adult activities as children naturally explore and try to make sense of the world around them. The age difference between you and your sisters created a different level of understanding and maturity at the time. At age 6, you were likely in a different developmental stage than your older sisters.

It's completely normal for such memories to resurface and for you to have mixed feelings about them. Our minds sometimes bring up past events when we're ready to process them more fully. Wishing to forget is a common reaction when memories cause discomfort or confusion.

If this experience feels like it crossed a boundary for you, that feeling is entirely valid. Many people who experienced uncomfortable or confusing childhood interactions find that their feelings about these events can change over time, especially when the memory is confirmed as real. The fact that this memory keeps returning to you might indicate that some part of you is trying to process what happened and how it made you feel.

For some people, interactions like these can feel violating even if they weren't intended that way by the other children involved. If you feel this way, it's important to know that your feelings are legitimate regardless of how others might view the situation. The impact on you matters, even if there was no harmful intent.

If these memories are causing distress or affecting your well-being, speaking with a counselor or therapist who specializes in childhood experiences could be helpful. They can provide a safe and supportive environment for you to explore these memories without judgment and help you understand and process your feelings about them.

Remember that seeking support is always an option, whether you view this as normal childhood exploration or as something that crossed boundaries. What matters most is finding healthy ways to process your feelings and reduce any negative impact these memories might have on your present life. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate these complex emotions, and know that healing is possible regardless of how you understand the experience. Thank you for trusting us with this. We appreciate you!