I recently ended a relationship after experiencing sexual assault. While I was trying to sleep at my girlfriend's house, she violated my consent through unwanted touching and kissing. When I confronted her about this and ended the relationship, she claimed she felt terrified of me. I'm trying to understand this seemingly contradictory behavior: How can someone claim to fear another person, then sexually assault them? Is this type of response - claiming to be afraid - a common pattern among people who commit assault? I'm seeking to understand if this reflects a broader pattern of behavior where perpetrators attempt to position themselves as victims.

Thank you for sharing your experience, and I'm sorry to hear that you went through such a distressing situation. What happened to you was not your fault, and your feelings of confusion and hurt are completely valid. Ending the relationship and setting clear boundaries was a courageous and important step in protecting your well-being.

Regarding your ex-girlfriend's reaction, it's unfortunately not uncommon for individuals who have caused harm to try to shift the narrative in this way. Sometimes, people who engage in abusive or harmful behavior may struggle to accept responsibility for their actions. By claiming that she was terrified of you, she might be attempting to reverse the roles and position herself as the victim. This can be a form of manipulation intended to deflect blame and avoid facing the consequences of her actions.

This behavior is sometimes referred to as "Darvo" (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender). It's a tactic where the person who has caused harm denies their wrongdoing, attacks the person who confronts them, and then claims to be the one who was wronged. This can be very confusing and hurtful for the person who has been harmed, as it adds layers of doubt and invalidation to an already difficult situation.

It's important to trust your feelings and perceptions of what happened. You have every right to feel safe and to have your boundaries respected. Her actions—touching and kissing you without your consent while you were trying to rest—were inappropriate and a violation of your autonomy. Your decision to break up with her and block her contact is a valid response to protect yourself from further harm.

If you're feeling unsettled or if this situation has left you with lingering emotions, it might be helpful to talk to someone you trust about what happened. Whether it's a close friend, family member, or a professional, sharing your feelings can provide support and help you process the experience.

Remember, you deserve to be in relationships where your boundaries are respected and your well-being is prioritized. You're not alone, and there are people who care and can offer support as you navigate through this. Thank you again for reaching out and sharing your story. We appreciate you.