Taken Advantage: A Young Man Over His Head

I was 18. My father brought me to Thailand on vacation, and he was leaving me alone for a few days because our flights weren't aligned. Before he left, he took it upon himself to show me around the red light district. I was embarrassed when he pointed out the places where you could get a blowjob, or a girlfriend for the night. He pointed out the place the ladyboys were, told me to avoid it. I wish I had paid more attention, because when he was gone, and I was on my own that first night, I went to the red light district as I thought my Dad wanted me to. I ended up at that bar where the ladyboys are, sitting alone, drinking a beer, wondering how my night would go. It didn't so much matter how I thought it should go, because I was approached by two ladyboys, who stuck their hands down my pants and began to fondle me. It felt pleasurable, and they looked like women, and my Dad would have been happy I was "getting some", so I went back to the hotel with two of them. I think I was trying to convince myself they were women, because to 18 year old me, that was the dream. To have women come up and want to have sex with me. But once we got up to the room, and the clothes came off, I realized I was deep in a bad situation. I wish I could say the story ended there. That I was able to send them out. But at that time I didn't know the price sex had. I never had sex before, and here was somebody willing to do it with me. Afterwords I felt sick. I felt I owed this person something. When in reality, they got everything they wanted -- a man half their age who was an innocent fool. I had given away my very soul, to somebody who just wanted to use me. I felt sick, and I stayed sick for several days following. I look back on the situation and feel a lot of resentment. Resentment towards my Dad, for bringing me to the red light district. Resentment towards the prostitute, who took advantage of a sad, lonely boy. But all I can do now is forgive. I may never have my virginity back, but at least I'm alive.