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Survivor story
no always means no
2 months later
The story you hear on every news channel, app, and article: a girl vs. the system (who would want to face a trial?)
Unfortunately, I am here again. History has repeated. This time it was different, but you can read to see that. I pray your story is only a single tale. No means no and I think past it's time people heard it. It was exactly how they told me it would be: A hand squeezing my throat, A body crushing mine, Shoving my head down, I just needed some time, I couldn’t get up or run out the door, Couldn’t even scream out, But now i will wage war, But it wasn’t bad enough, Or so they say, No kit, no proof, No dna, Weeks later doesn’t count, Not by a mile, I couldn’t fool a drunk, not with this smile, It was exactly how they told me it would be: The begging, the pleading, the “white” lies, One tale after another, but i didn’t know why, Flag after flag, but I didn’t call it, “Just trust me baby”, At least I tried to stall it, But it wasn’t bad enough, Or so they say, I led him on, it was my room, How could it have gone any other way? No one would know, but my story’s the real one, My cries are not empty, This wolf is a fierce one, It was exactly how they told me it would be: My no did not count, and my choices were made for me, Repetition after repetition, I swear you should’ve heard me, I thought people were decent, “Humble and kind” But life threw me a curveball, Why is it always mine? But it wasn’t bad enough, Or so they say, Messages prove nothing, Pictures just get in the way, Even a doctors note, Can’t deny my consent, My voice means nothing, Even from a trial bench, It was exactly how they told me it would be: ‘We want you to know, Other reports have been filed” “You’re not the only girl” Not the only one defiled, A moment, just a moment, Has changed my life, Forever and after, I hope the other girls are doing alright, But it wasn’t bad enough, Or so they say, “It’s up to you sweetheart, But it probably won’t go your way”, Relive and relive, I’m losing my purpose, I don’t understand, How could everyone just accept this? In the end I won’t, Because it wasn’t alright An apology will not change, Every sleepless night, I am human, I am real, I pray you can see me, Please, all I’m asking is that you believe me
Original story
Message to a Survivor
I believe you. No matter what happened, I believe you. I often struggle with the belief that I didn't try hard enough to get away or that my experience wasn't "bad enough". No one else should have to experience these feelings. Your experience and emotional reactions to it are valid. You are valid and you will be okay. <3
Message of Healing
Healing is something that has always been difficult for me, not just regarding trauma, but in every area of my life. I always want to know the "why", which often causes me more pain. I have began to understand that healing is not easy, or simple. You will have ups and downs and you can not erase the past. Despite my difficulties, I am continuing on my healing journey, hoping to be at peace one day.
It wasn’t how they told me it would be: No rope tying down my feet, No handcuffs on my wrists, No locked doors or scary passageways, Free to leave, as far as you can see But the door felt miles away And leaving felt like betrayal Begging was manipulation in disguise And I felt like a child, once again so little It wasn’t how they told me it would be: No gag in my mouth, Or hand keeping it shut, Nothing drowning out my voice, Or threatening me not to open up, Free to speak up, as far as you can see But my words didn’t matter And my repetition went unheard My words could not stop time And I did all but scream that word It wasn’t how they told me it would be: There was no dark alley lit by the moon, No midnight howls, sun gone too soon, No abandoned bunker; With just dirt for miles, Free to walk away, as far as you can see But daylight did not bring safety And neither did the public eye Suspicion doesn’t stop people, From walking right on by While my car may have been, but a yard away It was farther than the sun from earth Too far for me that day It wasn’t how they told me it would be: There was no monster, No man in a mask, No gang, no criminals, Or 60 year old man, ready to attack It wasn’t my enemy or a menace, or a junkie with no sense, Mr. Evil wouldn’t hurt me, as far as you can see But our friendship didn’t make it stop Rather he laughed with glee Happier and happier, He truly never thought about me Desperate and needy, Despite knowing me for years, He did not think twice He wanted what he wanted, And I guess to him “no” meant that it was alright.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.