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Survivor story

Learning to find pleasure and real friendship again

Original story

I (female) was abused by who I used to call my bestfriend during middle school (11-14 years old). She was a classmate of mine. I want to add that, during the same time, I was bullied by other classmates too, so I think I stayed with her because she was the only one who was apparently interested in me. She started by manipulating me by doing things I didn't want to, such as buying things I was not supposed to, watching things I shouldn't have, eating foods that disgusted me. She then managed to have me dancing in front of her while she was recording me every time getting me to wear less clothes. At some point she even involved another girl in the game (I remember the two of them laughing at me while watching me being naked in a shower). One moment she was humiliating me, the next praisig me and the netx one she was properly sexually abusing me, while calling it a simple "massage". Time passed, it delayed my development a lot. I didn't felt the need/curiosity to explore myself until just by chance I noticed that it was not normal my lack of it (and I was 15 at the time of the realization). This made me fell down into a deep spiral of mee thinking I was asexual, then homosexual and finally bisexual. Even if I was trying to get on board with that I could never find the maximum pleasure. I thought I was broken, that I lacked something... every friendship I had managed to find were either shallow or toxic. My ability to say no, to recognize toxic patterns was impaired. At 19 I finally started to understand what had happened and at 20 I finally managed to experience real pleasure and to feel generally good about myself. I restored my selfconfidence, worked on my ability to connect deeply with people, learned how friendships and relationship should function. It was a long road and it is not finished but, after 2 years of discovering the truth I feel very optimistic about my future.

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Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1. Where am I?

2. What day of the week is today?

3. What is today’s date?

4. What is the current month?

5. What is the current year?

6. How old am I?

7. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.