Coercive sex

My ex was my first boyfriend and at that time, I was only 14 yrs old. I was not ready to have sex, but felt pressured to give in and I did. From then on, he was persistent about having sex whenever he wanted. I would tell him no, but he never took that for an answer. He continued to try and pester until and he wouldn’t stop until I would give in because I wanted him to leave me alone. It always made me feel used and unhappy with myself afterwards. One time, during sex I asked him to stop because it was hurting and he told me to wait until he was done. I never yelled no and he never got violent with me so I never knew that what he was doing was actually wrong. I knew I resented him not listening to me, but I didn’t know it was wrong. It’s hard to explain. If I ever stuck ti my guns and refused to have sex with him, he would ignore me and act as though I didn’t exist. He never admitted he was mad about me not giving him sex, but it was obvious he was. That made me feel guilty and sad. I felt like I had to have sex with him in order for him to be happy in our relationship. It’s something that has always stayed with me and though, we broke up years ago, it’s something I never truly got over. And honestly, I can’t say I’ve ever had a man make me feel that my choice to not have sex was really ok. I’ve always felt pressured or not heard and because of that, I don’t love myself or value enough.