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Survivor story
A weak Frenchman
A few weeks later
The time we spent together was wonderful. Walking around Paris and visiting the Eiffel Tower. I was in love with my French prince charming. At last I've decided to leave my native country. I didn't know a word of French. I had my 5-year-old son who came with me. It was a big change for my son too. I had no parents, I knew I couldn't go back. There's no one who can protect and support me. I arrived in France in February 2011. The first strange behaviour I noticed a few weeks later towards my son. He had to stand up straight and eat absolutely everything on his plate even if he doesn't like it. I was forbidden to speak in my mother tongue with my son. He often shouted at my son to finish his meal, several times after he'd finished he threw up straight away. He then punished her and forced me to remove all the cheeks in her room. I'm trying to explain to my French ex that he's just a 5-year-old child. He didn't listen to me and shouted even louder I was scared. I found white hair like a person of age on my son's head when he was just 5 years old. I didn't know what to do, who to talk to and I was alone with my son. And I didn't know the French language. For the first time. We live not very far from the sea. And one day I asked my French ex to go and see the sea for me and my son, who had never seen it before. ex-Frenchman told me we mustn't stay very long as his grandmother is due to visit us. I saw that my son is very happy to see the sea. ex franchman repeat the same sentence several times. And the moment I turned to him to answer, I received the first slap in my life. It was still cold, not many people were there. I called the police but nobody heard me or didn't want to hear me. Then we go home when nothing happens. He apologised and told me it would never happen again. But he was wrong.
Original story
Message to a Survivor
You're gonna need time. And you've got to believe in yourself.
I fell in love with a frenchman. After several meetings he suggested I come and live with him in France. Once it is understood that I can not leave horror is beginning.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.