This is a space where survivors of trauma and abuse share their stories alongside supportive allies. These stories remind us that hope exists even in dark times. You are never alone in your experience. Healing is possible for everyone.
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It will get better. Maybe today the burden will be too heavy to carry, but slowly but surely as you drop particle by particle of it. You'll be able to fit it in a locket and forget about it. Don't ever be ashamed of yourself. Keep telling yourself to stop blaming yourself till it becomes a reality. Remember, what happened to you says more about the perpetuator than it says about you. So move on with all the strength you have in you. Ask for as much support as you need. Motivate yourself by the prospect of helping people with the same issues as yourself once you've reached a certain stage in your healing and empower yourself by the stories and experiences of others. Be a candle in the dark. Soothing. Enlightening. A path to truth. Supporting. A danger to those who don't handle you appropriately. (JKJKJK BE LAWFUL GUYS. TRUST ME, REVENGE IS NOT COOL OR WORTH ALL THE TROUBLE I SWEAR)
Healing to me is to be able to love myself and to stop looking at the incident with disgust or shame. Actually to stop looking back on the incident altogether. Being alright with touch and being able to look at my triggers and not freak out. Stop generalizing people and assuming all exist to hurt me. To be able to help others and to be able to share my story openly with no sense of shame or worry.
Hey. Name here. I guess most would know this is not my real name. I feel comfortable using it though. I am from India. I was sexually abused by my grandfather from a young age. I didn't realize it was wrong or bad at the beginning. I thought it was how people expressed love. Foolish I know. Then I was in denial. His touch felt wrong, but he was family. Someone I could trust. A person who was included in the circle of people who would never hurt me according to my parents. So I believed he was right. It took years to realize that what he did wasn't right. Even then I blamed myself. I still loved him (in the limits of a granddaughter. ) I thought it was my fault and not his. I wanted to tell someone, but everyone loved him so much and respected him so much. I thought they would believe him. I let him manipulate me emotionally and forcefully exploit me . He died later. I vowed myself to forget about it and not to even think about it and pushed the memories to the back of my mind whenever they even remotely resurfaced. Years of doing that, I could not do it anymore. The memories started to haunt me for a couple days before I broke down. It was the first time I cried abt what happened. I broke down at school. Could not stop crying the entire day. I told one of my close friends what happened. I honestly expected her to cut ties after hearing abt it, cause I still blamed myself for the incident. I was disgusted with myself and still felt his touch and felt like cutting burning and mutilating my skin to get rid of it. ( I was already struggling with self harm for quite a while at the time) It took a year to put even the smallest of blame on him. And another to put the entire blame on him. I still struggle with touch and feelings of disgust and self hatred and blame due to the incident, but I'm getting better day by day. I hate all white clothing and Old men and sometimes women too. Especially wrinkly hands. Ugh disgusting. I get scared for every small noise and sometimes jump up for no reason and get agitated for no reason. But I'm at a far better place than I was And will continue to move forward and give myself sufficient time to heal. I hope you do to. Stay kind Everybody
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