#1256

I was sexually abuse ,by my paternal grandfather when I was about 5 or 6 ,I don't know the exact age or time. I do know that it happened in a bedroom in my grandparents house. I could never see his face when I would think about it and to be honest never knew who had done this to me until ,when I was 12 an aunt of mine ,moved back in with my grandfather with her husband and children. For what ever reason I decided to visit her. She wasn't in ,but my grandfather was ,and he sexually abused me . It all came flooding back about what he had done. I never told anyone. When I was 18 ,there was a meeting of ny relatives in my family home. I had returned from work to find my cousin in kitchen . She was saying that our grandfather had abused her and her sister. I froze. No one believed her and as they all left he turned and thanked me. I only told my mother 2 years later ,when he was on his death bed. I never got help, my mother never told anyone and never spoke about it again. Until 5 weeks ago, when another cousin of mine ,a younger sister to the two that had spoke up over 30 years ago.. My mother rang to tell me what this cousin was saying, my mother said that the family always kept secrets, and this cousin was filling everyone's mouth. I confronted my mother about knowing and she blamed me for not speaking up when they had the meeting all those years ago. The problem I have now is that it is all I can think about. My mother then went on to tell my younger brother, who rang me and told me. I had to tell my adult sons what had happened to me all those years ago. I feel so bad now because I had buried all those feelings that I had ,now I am reliving it every minute of the day for over the last 5 weeks. I am now 53 years old