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Survivor story
How can I make it stop ?
Original story
Last week, I went out with 2 friends in Paris, they told me not to bring that one guy, at some point I ask them why, one of the two told me that 2 months ago during a party, he make her drink to have sex with her, she woke up with him on top of her. The other one told me that apparently he did that to other women too, he make girls drink till they don't say no anymore. And I know that guy, I know he's always around my ex, even when we were together as soon as she posted that we were in a club he appeared from nowhere he somehow followed her everywhere. So I told her to be careful without bringing any names because the friend who got abused doesn't wan't problems, she doesn't her story to be known. And.. at first my ex told me that it happen to her too so we talked about it.. I know how she describes him, that little guy who don't really have his way with women, so I asked her, and we were talking about the same dude... But she doesn't want her story to be known either, she told me "it wasn't really honest of him, it was bad he shouldn't have done it, it was a mistake, sadly we can't prove what he did, but I don't remember anything so it's ok" I know that guy, I know what he did, I know what he do, and I just have to deal with it ? Why would he stop, it work and nobody say anything about it. It pain me it haunt me, I can't say or do anything. My friend told me to avoid the places he go and move on, but why should we be the ones avoiding him when he's the one abusing women ? I tried to talk to them, I told them they had all the rights to drink they also had the right to be safe. I told them that they're not alone, other women had the same experience and like them they feel like alone no one will listen, but together they'll have weight against him.. But nothing, my ex litteraly told me that she doesn't care about the futurs ones she just doesn't want to be involve in anything. So what.. Am I suppose to respect their choices and to bad for the next one ? I don't want to push them or put them into troubles they don't want.. so what ?
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.