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Survivor story
Hope Strength Prayer
Original story
Dear reader, the following story contains explicit use of homophobic, racist, sexist, or other derogatory language that may be distressing and offensive.
Message to a Survivor
Hang in there! As hard as it is! I pray for your healing and health and many smiles and happy days! Like they say you are not alone!! I believe we as survivors of sexual exploitation and abuse are the strongest of any people in the world!!!!!!
Message of Healing
Crying . I try to focus on Jesus to help me so I believe my tears go up to help me beat the trauma. Telling others my hurtful story of five years of abuse and torture. Taking to others of the same abuse. I pray to help prevent and help empower other of the same traumas. If miracles can happen from my abuse and torture it helps me smile . If I can save another from these things happening I feel I have a purpose to fight!
2019-2022 I was being sexually exploited by men and raped by women. It started with four co-workers. They were poisoning my drinks. I started to cry all the time. They would take pictures of me without my at consent at the work place. One followed me to work one day I did not know what they were doing. As time went on. The moods and Illnesses got worse. I started to get angry. I lost my home lost my marriage and almost lost relationships with my kids. This went on until 2022 when I found why I was so disstressed. I was raped 9/11/2021 after a concert. There were rapes from women prior. They called the rapes pizza parties as they raped my vagina with oral sex. They used chicken as sexual comments like a secret code to my oral sex rapes. Food became hard to eat. Color became hard to handle like purple I wanna cry. They were poisoning me for five years with pills. It took me a long time to recognize and know my behaviors were off. I stopped eating and was throwing up all the time. The words they laughed around me were constantly belittling abusive and inappropriate. Things like “go fuck yourself” “at least you ain’t fucking each other” I did not know yet they were date raping me. because they wanted to rape me again. Very sexual icky and directed towards all my rapes from women. Someone said I was raped twenty one times by women. I moved away and they tried to attack again with more rape from women. So I learned to just say no and stay safe indoors. I can’t live Normal life anywhere. These women know where I am as they stalk me all the time. Men stalk me also. It was like a witch ritual what these women were doing. Much they took out of the Bible to sexually exploit me to bisexual women. I cry everyday from years of trauma and abuse from sexual exploitation to women. So when people warn of men raping women please be careful women are also exploiting women into lgbtq. I only trust very few women now that is blood related. Five years they poisoned me and raped me in oral sex. I am now learning to try and move on to date men as in friendship only. It’s scary to go out or leave my home.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.