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Survivor story
Did she do anything wrong?
Original story
Message of Healing
I dunno. I'm 3 yrs off hard drugs and though shit like this would happen in addiction I work hard to respect myself now and demand respect from others.
I took a female friend to the rainbow gathering (camp out) for a few days cuz she'd never been. I have a camper van with comfortable living & amenities. My kindness was taken advantage of but I have responsibilities in that cuz I opened myself up for it. What bothering me so bad is... I gave her no reason to think anything sexual would happen between us (not to mention I was on my period) at any point. We had a 3some with a shared interest 2 months ago but she got weird about it so I stopped all sexual contact w her after that. In the week long trip I often slept elsewhere cuz there was little room in my bed for me. The last night we were at the gathering I was on 5 hits of acid and it was pouring down rain off n on. I crawled into my bed hours after she did making sure her dog was between us. I wasn't really asleep and I felt her hand creeping. I tried to pretend I was asleep n move to block a few times but she didn't stop til she touched between my legs, I did have my ants on. Finally I jumped and yelled. She said she was trying to make sure I wasn't laying on her dog but that's bullshit. I would never lat a man in my bed that would cross boundaries like that and if a man did do that to me I'd have kicked him in the face a few times then let the boys handle it. But this was a woman I took to rainbow and felt my responsibility to make sure she was a safe and comfortable. Now I feel totally disrespected & violated in my home and body. I make sure men aren't around that will make me feel unsafe anymore and I really didn't expect this from a woman. I even slept in the chair last night. Am I being outta line? Then yesterday she said a couple times that she hoped another male friend of ours didn't feel taken advantage of when she had sex with him while he was drunk cuz he's been distant from her since that night... Her & I had talked about that weeks ago and I told her that he's not usually offended by women coming onto him even if drunk. But why would she bring it up twice again the very next day? I drove all day and night to get her back to her car and politely asked her to get her things outta my van and leave though I gave her a different reason. Am I just being crazy here?
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.