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Survivor story
#490
Original story
Message of Healing
I needed to move on from my abuser and find a way forward. I didn’t want him to take anymore from me than he already had. My dream grad school had become a last resort knowing I would still see him everyday and continue to have to relive the worst moments of my life. I had to move away from everyone and my prior dreams for a fresh start.
I was a college junior at a conference associated with my major. I had been uncomfortable with a guy that was there but never thought anything like this would ever happen. We all went put for dinner and before dinner he had had a few shots. By the time we got to dinner it was clear that he was under the influence but I tried my best to keep a distance. We then as we always did went to location and took group photos in the photo booth. Here things started to change. It was here that he decided to grab my butt and slide his hand forward continuing to grab onto my private areas. I thought he just did it to me until I got back to my hotel room and learned he brushed someone else’s butt as well. It was in our hotel room we were invited to the guys room to hang out. I was nervous but thought I would be safe with others around. I was very wrong. In that hotel room things got even worse. He continued to push me over and was grabbing my breast in front of everyone. I was very uncomfortable and felt gross being in my own skin. I was embarrassed for anyone to know what had happened to me so I thought I would be ok as long as no one knows. Little did I know when I got back on campus that week everyone in our grade would know what happens. I was embarrassed going to class having to see him everyday. I finally told someone thinking everything would be ok then. While I had her support for a while he continued to threaten me and he ended up making himself out as the victim in the situation. I felt lost and confused with no recourse when I tried explaining what happened to me the people who were supposed to protect me at my school turned a blind eye to everything. I was stuck in class with him until I graduated this week having to have up close interactions with him. I was not supported by my school and was left alone and afraid to finish my education just wanting to leave and move on. The school of my dreams had become a nightmare.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.