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Why do I feel so disgusted by myself? It's been months since he touched me and days since I was stalked, and I still feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. Why can't I move past this?

Dr. Laura

Answer by Dr. Laura

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

There is nothing wrong with you for still feeling this way. The disgust you're feeling is not about who you are...it's about what was done to you. But trauma has a cruel way of turning that outward violation inward, making you feel like the wrongness lives inside your body rather than in the actions of the person who harmed you.

When someone touches you without your consent, it can fundamentally disrupt your sense of ownership over your own body. Your skin, which is supposed to be yours alone, was treated as though it belonged to someone else. That violation can leave a residue that feels almost physical, like something is on you or in you that you can't wash off. The disgust you're describing is your mind and body's way of saying "this wasn't supposed to happen to me," and that reaction is actually a healthy, protective response, even though it feels unbearable right now.

And here's something important: you're not just healing from one thing. You mentioned being stalked just days ago. Stalking is its own form of violation. It strips away your sense of safety, privacy, and control over your own space and movements. When someone is stalking you, your nervous system doesn't get the chance to come down from high alert. Your body can't begin to fully process the trauma of being touched when it's simultaneously dealing with the ongoing threat of being watched and followed. These experiences are compounding each other, and it makes complete sense that you feel uncomfortable in your own skin right now, because multiple people have treated your body and your presence as something they're entitled to.

The timeline of healing is not measured in months. There is no expiration date on how long you're "allowed" to feel the impact of what happened to you, and the fact that the stalking is still so recent means your system is actively coping with ongoing threat, not just processing something from the past. Please try to be gentle with yourself about where you are right now. You are not behind. You are carrying the weight of someone else's actions in your body, and your body is asking for time, safety, and support to let that weight go. If you're able to access a trauma-informed therapist or advocate, they can help you work through both of these experiences and begin rebuilding that sense of safety and home within yourself. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin again, and with the right support, that is absolutely possible.

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Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1. Where am I?

2. What day of the week is today?

3. What is today’s date?

4. What is the current month?

5. What is the current year?

6. How old am I?

7. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.