When I was around 7, another child who was about a year older introduced me to sexual activity and asked if I wanted to participate. I was shy and a people pleaser, so I said yes without understanding what it meant. We engaged in sexual behaviors together. I only recently realized this experience might have been harmful. Does this count as COCSA?

I'm so glad you reached out, and I want you to know that it's completely understandable to feel uncertain about labeling this experience, especially given how young you both were at the time. When children as young as seven or eight engage in sexual behavior, it can be confusing to make sense of later in life, particularly when thinking about concepts like consent and understanding at that age. Children in that age range generally do not have the emotional or developmental capacity to fully understand or consent to sexual activities. Without realizing it, one child might be imitating behaviors they have encountered or trying to make sense of things they've seen, heard, or learned elsewhere, even though neither child fully grasps what they are doing.

The term "COCSA" (child-on-child sexual abuse) sometimes applies when there is any type of sexual interaction between children that involves a power imbalance, coercion, confusion, or behavior that goes beyond typical childhood curiosity. What you're describing (e.g. not understanding what sex entailed and saying yes because you were shy and wanted to please) suggests you weren't in a position to give informed consent. However, it's also true that the other child was very young too and may not have understood the significance of what was happening either. Both of these things can be true at once.

What matters most is how this early experience has affected you. It's really common for people to spend years not thinking much about childhood sexual experiences, only to have them resurface later with new awareness or feelings. Our minds often wait until we feel safer or stronger to understand and process confusing childhood events. The fact that you're now recognizing this experience as potentially significant is part of understanding yourself better, not something you did wrong by not realizing sooner. If you're feeling unsure or distressed when remembering it, that matters. It signals that this experience has had an impact on you.

At the same time, not everyone who had childhood sexual experiences with other children feels harmed by them, and that's okay too. What you call this experience and how you feel about it is entirely up to you. Your emotions about this are valid, whatever they are. Some people feel confused because the other person was also young, or because they technically said yes, or because it didn't feel violent or scary at the time. Your response to this experience matters more than any specific label. You get to decide what this means to you.

If this memory continues to trouble you or if you have lingering questions, please consider reaching out for support. Talking it through with a trusted friend, counselor, or confidential resource that understands childhood sexual dynamics might help bring clarity and self-compassion. Many people find it helpful to work with a therapist who specializes in childhood experiences and can provide a nonjudgmental space to explore your feelings.  You are not to blame for what happened, and it doesn't make you "bad" or responsible for someone else's actions at that age. You didn't do anything wrong, and you deserve care and healing as you make sense of this experience and its impact on your life. You deserve patience and kindness as you gain insight into this experience, and you don't have to figure it out alone.