When I was 15, my friend who was 11 insisted we compare ourselves physically and we briefly touched each other for a few seconds before stopping. It wasn't sexual and we thought it was funny at the time. Am I a bad person because I was older? I'm feeling guilty and ashamed about this.

Thank you for trusting this space with something that's been weighing on you. It sounds like you've been carrying a lot of worry and shame about this memory for quite some time. 

What you're describing sounds like an incident of sexual curiosity between young people who were both minors at the time. During adolescence, curiosity about bodies and exploring the differences between friends can happen in many different ways. Sexual curiosity and exploration are normal parts of adolescent development, and many young people engage in some form of mutual exploration with peers as they're trying to understand their changing bodies. Being a few years older doesn't automatically mean you intended something harmful or sexual, especially if you were both simply being curious without any sense of coercion or malice. Children often test boundaries or engage in playful exploration. This is a recognized aspect of how young people learn about themselves, even if it feels awkward or troubling to recall later in life.

The fact that this was brief, mutually initiated by your friend, not coercive, and stopped quickly are all important contextual details. The four-year age difference does create some developmental disparity, but you were also a young teenager yourself—still developing your own understanding of boundaries, sexuality, and appropriate behavior. It's significant that you remember this as something that felt funny rather than sexual in the moment, which suggests it existed in that confusing space of childhood curiosity rather than predatory intent. Harmful sexual behavior typically involves planning, secrecy, coercion, or an intent to use someone else for sexual gratification. From what you've shared, this doesn't appear to fit that pattern.

The self-blame and discomfort you're feeling now are common reactions when looking back with the empathy and understanding you've developed as an adult. Sometimes our adult understanding of consent and appropriate boundaries can cause us to look back at childhood or adolescent experiences with concern or shame, especially as we become more aware of the importance of age-appropriate behavior and consent. Feeling guilty doesn't mean you're a bad person; instead, it highlights the capacity you have for reflection and moral awareness. The fact that you're questioning yourself now, years later, actually speaks to your moral compass and your care about having acted appropriately. This reflection is part of growth and developing maturity.

You are not alone in questioning past interactions through an adult lens, and it's okay to seek reassurance that this one episode from your youth doesn't define who you are today. If this experience continues to trouble you deeply or if it's affecting your day-to-day life, speaking with someone you trust or a counselor who understands the complexity of childhood and teenage experiences could provide you with additional perspective and tools for processing these feelings. You deserve compassion for yourself as the teenager you were, who was also navigating development and learning about boundaries. Being able to reflect critically on our past while also holding appropriate context for our developmental stage is part of healing and growth.