My ex-boyfriend repeatedly touched me inappropriately in public after I clearly asked him to stop multiple times. At the time, I convinced myself I was okay with what happened, but now I realize how uncomfortable and violated it made me feel. It's been several months since we broke up, and I'm struggling with whether I should address this with him or if it's too late to say anything. How do I process these feelings, and what should I consider when deciding whether to confront him about his behavior?

Thank you so much for reaching out to us and I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way about what happened. What you experienced was a clear violation of your boundaries and consent, and your feelings of discomfort and violation are completely valid. 

It's incredibly common for people to initially minimize or rationalize boundary violations, especially when they occur within romantic relationships. Sometimes we brush things off to avoid conflict or because we hope the situation will improve, and this psychological response often serves as a protective mechanism to help us cope with difficult experiences in the moment. It's also not uncommon for people to convince themselves that they're okay with something when it's someone they care about. As time passes and you gain more perspective, it's normal for those suppressed feelings to resurface and for you to recognize the impact the experience truly had on you. The fact that you're now recognizing how the experience affected you doesn't mean your initial reaction was wrong - it means you're processing the trauma at your own pace, which is entirely normal and healthy.

Regarding whether to address this with your ex-partner, there is no "right" timeline for speaking up about boundary violations. Deciding whether to reach out to him about what happened is a personal choice that deserves careful consideration. Think about what you hope to achieve by telling him and how it might affect your healing process. Some find closure in expressing how they were affected by previous partners, while others prefer to focus their energy on their own healing journey. If you believe that expressing your feelings to him would provide closure or help you move forward, it might be worth considering. However, since you're no longer in contact, it's also important to think about whether engaging with him again is in your best interest. Remember that his response, should you choose to reach out, may not provide the validation or accountability you deserve.

Your well-being and healing should be the primary focus right now. It might be helpful to talk to someone you trust about how you're feeling - perhaps a close friend, family member, or counselor. Processing these feelings with a trusted person or therapist can be incredibly beneficial as they can provide personalized support for working through complex emotions around consent violations and help you develop healthy coping strategies. Sharing your experience with someone supportive can help you process your emotions and decide on the best course of action for yourself.

What happened to you matters, regardless of when you recognized its impact. Your boundaries deserve respect, and you have every right to process this experience in whatever way feels most supportive for your healing journey. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate through this. Thank you for trusting us with your story.