I'm struggling with childhood memories of sexual play with my cousins when we were all around the same age, but there's one incident that haunts me. I was 11 and my cousin was 6. I only remember flashes and don't know how it started or ended, but I feel like a horrible human and like I should have known better. How do I cope with this guilt and confusion about what happened?

Thank you so much for trusting us with this. What you're experiencing are incredibly common responses to childhood sexual experiences, and I want you to know that your feelings are valid while also offering you a different perspective to consider. The shame you're carrying is understandable, but it may not be as justified as your mind is telling you.

When children engage in sexual behaviors with other children, it's important to understand this through the lens of normal childhood development and curiosity rather than adult frameworks of sexuality and consent. Children naturally explore their bodies and may engage in sexual play as part of normal development, especially when they've been exposed to sexual content or experiences themselves. At 11 years old, your brain was still developing the capacity for abstract thinking, impulse control, and understanding consequences. These abilities don't fully mature until the mid-twenties.

The fact that you feel such distress about this suggests that you have a moral compass and capacity for empathy, not that you're a "horrible human." Many adults carry shame about childhood sexual experiences, often blaming themselves for things they did when they had limited understanding and impulse control. The fragmented nature of your memories is also typical. Our brains don't always store childhood experiences in linear, complete narratives, especially when emotions like confusion or shame are involved.

It's worth considering that both you and your cousin may have been responding to something in your environment, perhaps exposure to sexual content, lack of appropriate supervision, or even your own experiences of boundary violations. Children who engage in sexual behaviors with other children have often been exposed to sexuality in inappropriate ways themselves. This doesn't excuse harmful behavior, but it helps explain it within a developmental context rather than a moral failing.

Moving forward, if these memories continue to cause you significant distress, speaking with a trauma-informed therapist can help you process these experiences with compassion and understanding. They can help you distinguish between age-appropriate childhood curiosity and concerning behaviors, and support you in releasing shame that may not serve you. Your feelings matter, your healing matters, and you deserve support in working through these difficult memories with kindness toward your childhood self. Thank you for reaching out to us.