I'm struggling to process being groomed. I find myself resisting the reality of what happened to me and having trouble accepting that the person who groomed me did something wrong. Everything feels overwhelming and confusing right now. While therapy isn't an option for me at the moment, I'm also hesitant to reach out for help because I don't want to burden others or make this situation feel bigger. I'm feeling lost about how to handle these complicated emotions and memories. How can I cope with feeling this way?

Thank you so much for trusting us with this. I hear the pain, confusion, and internal conflict in your words, and I want you to know that these feelings are a completely normal response to an abnormal and harmful situation. What you're experiencing - the resistance to accepting what happened, the complicated feelings about the person who harmed you, and the overwhelming mix of emotions - these are all common responses to trauma.

The reluctance to see someone who groomed you as "bad" is incredibly common and happens for many reasons. Often, groomers build trust and emotional connections before the abuse begins. They may have shown kindness, given attention, or filled important emotional needs. This creates a profound confusion where the harm they caused conflicts with the positive feelings or memories you may have. Some survivors also worry that accepting the person as "bad" might mean something about their own judgment, or they fear losing precious parts of their memories and identity that are tangled up with this person. All of these feelings are valid and part of the complex nature of processing grooming and abuse.

The feeling of being "gross" that you're experiencing is also a common trauma response, but is not permenant. Let me gently offer some strategies to help work through those feelings that other survivors have shared have worked for them in the past.

1. Practice self-compassion by talking to yourself as you would a close friend or younger sibling
2. Use physical self-care practices like taking warm showers, wearing comfortable clothes, or wrapping yourself in a soft blanket
3. Try gentle movement like stretching or walking to reconnect with your body in a safe way
4. Write down or say out loud: "What happened to me was not my fault" and "My body is not bad or dirty because of what someone else did"
5. Create small daily rituals that help you feel renewed, like using a favorite lotion or having a calming bedtime routine

It's important for you to know that minimizing what happened or feeling like you're "making it a bigger deal" than it is are also very typical reactions. Trauma often makes us want to make ourselves smaller, to minimize our pain, to avoid "burdening" others. But what happened to you was real, significant, and not your fault. Your feelings deserve space and acknowledgement.

While therapy isn't available right now, there are still ways to support yourself through this. Consider reaching out to free support services like RAINN's hotline or ChildHelp. They have trained counselors available 24/7 who understand what you're going through. Online support groups can also provide a space to connect with others who have similar experiences, helping you feel less alone in your journey.

In the meantime, be gentle with yourself. There's no "right" way to feel or heal from this. Some days might feel harder than others, and that's okay. If you're feeling overwhelmed, try grounding techniques like deep breathing, holding something cold, or naming five things you can see in your environment. These can help when emotions feel too big.

Your hesitation to "bother" others speaks to how grooming can affect our sense of worth and boundaries. But please know that reaching out for help isn't bothering anyone - it's an act of self-care and courage. You deserve support and understanding as you navigate this.

Remember: healing isn't linear, and it's okay to have complicated feelings. The confusion and pain you're experiencing are part of processing trauma, not signs that you're doing something wrong. You're already showing incredible strength by acknowledging what happened and seeking support. We appreciate you reaching out to us. You are not alone.