🇺🇸

I'm experiencing severe flashbacks that make it difficult to even shower without feeling like others are touching me. I feel afraid around men and my sister, and I'm constantly worried about being objectified. The stress has led me to relapse into self-harm after being clean for about a year. Do you have any advice to help me feel better? I need someone to tell me it's going to be okay.

Dr. Laura

Answer by Dr. Laura

PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner

Thank you so much for trusting us with your inner most thoughts and feelings. What you are going through right now matters deeply, and the pain you're experiencing is real. The flashbacks during showers, the fear around others, and feeling objectified are all common responses to trauma - your body and mind trying to protect you, even when it hurts.

Please hear this clearly: Your relapse doesn't erase a single moment of that year you were self-harm free. That strength is still within you. Recovery has ebbs and flows, and setbacks don't define you or predict your future. They're just difficult moments on a longer journey toward healing.

It is going to be okay. I say this not as an empty promise, but because countless survivors have walked similar paths and found their way to calmer waters, even when it seemed impossible. Your trauma responses can be eased with the right support and tools.

When flashbacks come, try gently bringing yourself back to the present by noticing five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. Some survivors find comfort in changing shower routines - perhaps using a favorite scent, adjusting water temperature, or playing music that anchors you to the present moment.

The boundaries you need with your sister right now are valid and important. Creating safe space for yourself isn't selfish - it's necessary for healing.

Consider connecting with a trauma specialist who understands the specific ways trauma affects our bodies and minds. Approaches like EMDR, somatic experiencing, or trauma-focused CBT can be particularly helpful for easing flashbacks and rebuilding safety. Many rape crisis centers offer these services at reduced cost or free or can recommend private practicioners external of their organization.

In the moments when everything feels overwhelming, remember that healing happens in small steps. Each time you show yourself compassion instead of judgment, each gentle moment you create for yourself, you're rebuilding your relationship with your body and your world.

You reached out because something in you knows healing is possible. That part of you is right. With support, patience, and care, the flashbacks can ease, the fear can lessen, and you can reclaim spaces that feel safe again. You're not alone in this journey. Thank you for trusting us. 

  • Share to WhatsApp
  • Share to Facebook
  • Copy Link
  • Share to Twitter
  • Share to LinkedIn
  • Share to Reddit
  • Share to Pinterest
  • Share to Email

Just Checking...

Discard Message?

You have a comment in progress, are you sure you want to discard it?

Similar community content

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. Nulla consequat massa quis enim. Donec pede justo, fringilla vel, aliquet nec, vulputate

0

Members

0

Views

0

Reactions

0

Stories read

Need to take a break?

For immediate help, visit {{resource}}

Made with in Raleigh, NC

|

Read our Community Guidelines, Privacy Policy, and Terms

|

Post a Message

Share a message of support with the community.

We will send you an email as soon as your message is posted, as well as send helpful resources and support.

Please adhere to our Community Guidelines to help us keep Our Wave a safe space. All messages will be reviewed and identifying information removed before they are posted.

Ask a Question

Ask a question about survivorship or supporting survivors.

We will send you an email as soon as your question is answered, as well as send helpful resources and support.

How can we help?

Tell us why you are reporting this content. Our moderation team will review your report shortly.

Violence, hate, or exploitation

Threats, hateful language, or sexual coercion

Bullying or unwanted contact

Harassment, intimidation, or persistent unwanted messages

Scam, fraud, or impersonation

Deceptive requests or claiming to be someone else

False information

Misleading claims or deliberate disinformation

Share Feedback

Tell us what’s working (and what isn't) so we can keep improving.

Log in

Enter the email you used to submit to Our Wave and we'll send you a magic link to access your profile.

Grounding activity

Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:

5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)

4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)

3 – things you can hear

2 – things you can smell

1 – thing you like about yourself.

Take a deep breath to end.

From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.

Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).

Take a deep breath to end.

Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:

1. Where am I?

2. What day of the week is today?

3. What is today’s date?

4. What is the current month?

5. What is the current year?

6. How old am I?

7. What season is it?

Take a deep breath to end.

Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.

Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.

Take a deep breath to end.

Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.

Take a deep breath to end.