I have two distinct childhood experiences I'm trying to understand: 1. When I was around 7, my 14-year-old stepbrother coerced me into kissing him by withholding my game until I complied. During that same period, I experienced similar unwanted kissing from older family friends who were several years older than me. I'm unsure if this counts as child-on-child sexual abuse since it involved kissing rather than more severe forms of abuse. 2. In a separate situation at age 10, during a sleepover with two friends of the same age, we watched an inappropriate ad after I suggested it, which led to us mimicking sexual behavior while clothed. I feel guilty about this experience because I initiated watching the ad, making me wonder if I'm responsible for what followed. I feel ashamed to discuss either of these experiences with anyone, even though I was a child in both situations. Can you help me better understand them?

Thank you for having the courage to share these experiences. I will do my best to help you make sense of these situations.

Regarding your first experience at age 7...

What happened with your stepbrother and family friends involved an unhealthy power dynamic. At 14, while still a child himself, your stepbrother was at a significantly different developmental stage than you were at 7, and used his age advantage to create a situation of coercion by withholding your game. While he may not have fully understood the impact of his actions - as he too was young and still developing his understanding of boundaries - his behavior was inappropriate and caused you real distress. The fact that this was an isolated incident suggests he may have realized it was wrong, but this doesn't minimize the impact it had on you.

Similarly, with the family friends who were several years older, while they too were children, the age difference created an inherent power imbalance that made their actions inappropriate. Even if they didn't fully grasp the implications of their behavior, it still affected you and violated your boundaries. It's important to acknowledge both that their actions were wrong while recognizing they too were children who may have been acting out behaviors they didn't fully understand.

Please know that the impact on you is valid regardless of their age or understanding. Your feelings about these experiences matter, independent of whether the older children intended harm or fully comprehended their actions. It wasn't your fault, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You were a young child navigating situations where others took advantage of age differences to create pressure for unwanted intimate contact.

Regarding your second experience at age 10...

This situation is fundamentally different because it involved same-age peers and natural curiosity rather than coercion. It's completely normal for children around this age to experience curiosity about sexual content and sometimes engage in mutual exploration. Suggesting watching the ad was a spontaneous expression of childhood inquisitiveness, not an act of manipulation.

The group behavior that followed was mutual peer exploration without power imbalance or pressure. While it might feel uncomfortable to reflect on now as an adult, this kind of exploration between same-age children, when it happens without coercion and with mutual engagement, is considered part of normal development. No one was "at fault" because it sounds like you were all exploring together as equals, driven by natural childhood curiosity.

Your feelings of shame around both experiences are understandable but not deserved. The first situation involved inappropriate behavior by older children who, while young themselves, should have been guided to respect boundaries. The second involved normal childhood exploration with peers. Neither situation defines you or should be a source of shame.

If these experiences continue to trouble you, speaking with a trauma-informed therapist who specializes in childhood experiences could be helpful. They can support you in processing these distinct experiences while understanding the nuanced context of childhood development and behavior. Take care of yourself and thank you for reaching out for support.