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Answer by Dr. Laura
PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner
I hear how much pain and exhaustion you are feeling right now. While I can't personally guarantee your safety, I do want to assure you that healing is possible. Hang on to hope. The constant fear and sickness you're describing are common responses to trauma - you're not alone in feeling this way, and you're not wrong for having these reactions.
What you're going through is incredibly difficult and overwhelming. It takes real strength to put these feelings into words and reach out, even if you're unsure what to say or who to turn to. That's actually a really important first step.
There are people specially trained to help with exactly what you're experiencing - trauma-informed therapists and counselors who can help you process these feelings and gradually rebuild your sense of safety. I want to provide these resources below for you to use when you are ready.
- Call or text 988 to reach the Crisis Lifeline 24/7
- Contact RAINN if your trauma was related to sexual harm
- Use Psychology Today's therapist finder to look for trauma specialists in your area
You don't have to figure this out alone. Recovery from trauma takes time, and it's okay to not be okay right now. But with support and care, many people do find their way to feeling safer and more stable again. Thank you so much for trusting us with this. You matter and you are important.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.