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I don’t talk about my assault to my therapist because I’m scared to relive it, how do I move on?
Answer by Dr. Laura
PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner
Talking about your trauma can be challenging, especially when recalling it triggers painful memories. Despite this, many people say disclosing their trauma to a trained professional can be helpful. It can be difficult to balance keeping yourself safe while allowing space for healing, however, so here are some tips.
First, make sure your therapist has experience with trauma survivors. If they don’t, you might want to consider finding someone who does to ensure safe disclosure. It is important to recognize while most therapists are genuinely caring individuals, they do not always know how to work with trauma. This could lead to unintentional mistakes that could impact your healing going forward.
If your therapist does not have experience with trauma, you can ask them to recommend someone who may be more equipped to discuss your history with you. Your therapist should want what is best for you and should not be upset if you need to pause or discontinue working together to ensure your needs are being met.
Before you disclose to your current therapist or a new one, know that you have full control over what you decide to share and when you say it. Disclosure may happen on the first session with your therapist or even after several months. It may take a while for you to feel comfortable sharing personal stories with a new person.
It is also important to recognize that you can disclose that you experienced a traumatic event, without needing to go into the details of what actually happened. Focusing on how you are feeling now and what your needs are going forward can often be enough to begin to take legitimate steps towards healing. You may, however, want to process or talk through details to help make sense of it. If so, your therapist can help you to pace your disclosure to minimize the risk of experiencing a flashback.
Finally, know that you never have to share your trauma if you do not want to. Not all survivors use therapy to process their traumatic experiences. Regardless of any of the advice given here, only you can decide when you are ready to disclose your trauma. Whenever that is, your therapist will be there to listen. Trauma can be a huge weight to carry, but you do not need to carry it all on your own.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.