I became pregnant after being repeatedly sexually abused by multiple men. My baby was stillborn, and I never had DNA testing done. Is it strange that I wish I knew who her father was?

I'm so sorry for the overwhelming pain and loss you've been through. There is nothing weird or strange about wishing you knew who your daughter's father was. Your feelings make complete sense, and many survivors in similar situations share this desire to know.

When pregnancy results from sexual abuse, especially when multiple perpetrators were involved, not knowing paternity can add another layer of grief and complexity to an already devastating experience. You may wonder about this for many reasons. Perhaps to have a fuller sense of your daughter's identity, to understand her medical history, to find any fragment of meaning or connection after everything you endured, or simply because it feels like an important piece of information that was taken from you along with so much else. Wanting that piece of information can be a way of honoring her as well as acknowledging your own reality. The desire to know doesn't mean you're trying to maintain a connection to your abusers or that you're minimizing what happened. It's a completely natural human response to want to understand the full story of someone you carried and lost.

The loss of your daughter through stillbirth is a profound grief all on its own. When you add the trauma of how she was conceived and the uncertainty around paternity, you're navigating an incredibly complex web of emotions. You experienced violence, you experienced pregnancy, you experienced loss, and you're living with unanswered questions that can't be resolved. Each of these realities deserves acknowledgment and space. Survivors often feel a deep need to understand every aspect of what happened to them, no matter how complicated or hurtful the circumstances might have been.

Your feelings about wanting to know who her father was are valid, even if they feel confusing or uncomfortable at times. Grief and trauma don't follow predictable patterns, and there's no right or wrong way to feel about any aspect of this experience. None of your thoughts or wishes about your daughter's paternity diminish the depth of love and sorrow you carry for her. You deserve compassion and support as you continue processing everything you've been through.

If lingering questions are weighing on your heart and adding to your grief, reaching out for support can make a difference. Talking to someone who understands sexual abuse trauma, such as an advocate or counselor experienced with these issues, can help you process these very natural and human feelings. Thank you for trusting us with this. You are not alone.