Does it count as COCSA if an incident only happened briefly and once? My older cousin made up a game where she was pregnant and told me that in order for her to give birth, I had to lick her in an inappropriate place. I was extremely uncomfortable and said I didn't want to do it, but she said if I didn't she'd get me in huge trouble. I was scared so I did it.

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience with us. What you described does have characteristics that potentially align with Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse (COCSA), and I want you to know that your feelings about this experience are completely valid. Even if an incident happens only once and is brief, it can still have a significant impact.

There are several elements in your experience that are concerning and distinguish it from typical childhood exploration. When you clearly expressed that you didn't want to participate, your cousin used threats to override your boundaries. This coercion, combined with the age difference and your clear discomfort, are important factors to consider. It's worth noting that your cousin was also a child at the time, and children who engage in these behaviors may themselves be acting out something they experienced or witnessed, or may not have fully understood the impact of their actions.

It's significant that you remember feeling extremely uncomfortable and expressing that you didn't want to participate. Children have an innate sense of what feels wrong, and your discomfort was your body and mind trying to protect you. Your instinct to feel uncomfortable was absolutely correct, and the fact that you said no shows your natural protective instincts were working. Your feelings of discomfort and fear were valid, and you had every right to have your boundaries respected.

None of this was your fault. You were too young to understand what was happening, and you were put in a difficult position where you felt you had to comply out of fear. You expressed your boundaries clearly, and those should have been respected regardless of the circumstances. While your cousin was also young and may not have fully understood the harm being caused, that doesn't diminish the impact this experience had on you.

If this experience is still affecting you, consider reaching out to a trusted adult or a mental health professional who can provide support and guidance. They can help you process your feelings and explore what this experience means for you personally. Many survivors find it helpful to work with trauma-informed therapists who understand the complexities of childhood experiences and can help you make sense of your own feelings about what happened.

Remember, you're not alone, and it's okay to seek help. Taking this step to share your story shows courage, and you deserve support as you navigate your feelings about this experience.