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Answer by Dr. Laura
PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner
Thank you for reaching out and asking this important question about trauma processing. The concern about making things worse through rumination is something many survivors struggle with, and it's valid to want to understand how our thoughts might affect our healing.
When we repeatedly revisit a traumatic event in our minds, especially with feelings of shame or guilt, it can reinforce the negative emotions associated with that experience. It's like picking at a wound that hasn't fully healed - the constant attention can slow down recovery and keep the pain fresh. While it's possible for intense rumination to be distressing, analyzing what happened isn't the same as retraumatization. Retraumatization typically occurs through experiences that mirror the original trauma, not through thinking about it. However, constant analysis of the event without support or coping tools can be overwhelming and increase anxiety or distress.
The fact that you kept this experience secret during your teenage years due to shame and guilt is very common. Teenagers often struggle with sharing traumatic experiences because they're still developing their understanding of what happened, fear judgment, or worry about others' reactions. This secrecy doesn't make your experience any less valid or significant.
It's important to address your comment about your trauma not being "as severe as others." Trauma isn't a competition, and comparing our experiences to others often minimizes our own valid feelings and needs. What might seem "not as bad" to one person can still have a significant impact on another. Your experience and its impact on you are real, regardless of how it might compare to other situations.
When we find ourselves frequently analyzing past trauma, it often signals that our mind is trying to process and make sense of what happened. This is a natural part of healing, but it can become overwhelming without proper support. Working with a trauma-informed therapist can help you process these memories in a structured way, while learning grounding techniques can help manage overwhelming thoughts. Understanding that questioning past actions is normal, even though it can't change what happened, can help reduce self-judgment about these thoughts.
Consider giving yourself permission to feel what you're feeling without judgment. Remember that healing isn't about never thinking about the trauma - it's about finding safe ways to process it that help you move forward. Your desire to understand how to handle these memories shows awareness and a commitment to healing. There are ways to work through trauma that don't involve either constant rumination or complete avoidance. With support, you can find a balance that works for you.
You're not alone in this experience, and reaching out shows courage and self-awareness. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this healing process, and remember that it's okay to seek help when you need it. Thank you for trusting us with this. You are not alone.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.