A year ago, a man followed me home despite my protests. I was too afraid to stop him. When we got to my door, he grabbed my shoulders, looked around to ensure no one was nearby, and kissed my neck. I felt violated but also feel guilty. Should this be classified as sexual assault even though he didn't touch me in private areas? How long does it take to process these feelings? I still cry about it even though I feel I should be over it by now.

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. What you went through sounds incredibly frightening and violating, and it's completely understandable that it still affects you deeply.

What you experienced was unwanted sexual contact that occurred after you expressed resistance, and your feelings of violation are completely valid. Sexual assault encompasses a spectrum of unwanted sexual behaviors, including unwanted kissing. The fact that he checked to make sure no one was watching shows he likely knew his behavior was inappropriate and unwanted. It's important to recognize that you are not to blame for what happened. Feeling guilty is a common reaction in situations like this, but the responsibility lies solely with the person who chose to disregard your protests and invade your personal space. Your instinct to be "polite" is not a weakness; it's a natural response many people have when faced with uncomfortable or threatening situations.

Many survivors experience guilt or question whether their experience "counts" as assault, especially when society often portrays sexual violence as only including certain acts. This questioning is a normal response, but it doesn't diminish the validity of your experience or feelings. Your body recognized a violation occurred, which is why you continue to have emotional responses to the memory. The unwanted physical contact of a sexual nature without your consent is generally considered a form of sexual assault or harassment. The fact that he ignored your objections, followed you home, and kissed you without consent are serious violations of your personal boundaries.

There is no timeline for processing trauma. Healing isn't linear, and there's no expiration date on when you "should" be over something. Some people process traumatic experiences in weeks, while others take years, and many find that certain aspects of the experience resurface at different points in their lives. The fact that you still have emotional responses a year later is not unusual or something to feel ashamed about. It's okay that it still makes you cry—your feelings are valid, and there's no "should" when it comes to how long it takes to move past something like this.

Your ongoing distress suggests this experience had a significant impact on you. Consider reaching out to a trauma-informed therapist who specializes in sexual violence, or contacting a sexual assault support service that can offer resources specific to your situation. These professionals can provide validation and tools to help process your experience in a way that feels empowering rather than overwhelming.

Remember that your feelings and reactions are valid responses to an unwanted and frightening experience. Being kind to yourself and acknowledging your feelings without judgment is an important part of the healing process. Your safety and well-being are important, and you deserve to feel secure and respected. Please take care of yourself. Thank you for trusting us with this. We appreciate you.