Question

Someone rubbed their hand up my inner thigh in a sexual way without my consent. Although it happened 10 years ago it is playing on my mind now. Part of me is telling myself that it isn't a big deal as it was only my inner thighs that were touched and that I am making a mountain out of nothing. I think this thinking is doing more harm than good as I keep going into a thought spiral. How do I stop this kind of thinking and is that form of touching assault?

Answer

Thank you for trusting us with this and I am sorry you feel like you are spiraling. What you're describing - unwanted sexual touching without consent - could certainly be considered sexual assault, but it's entirely up to you how you want to think about and label your experience. There's no requirement to use any particular term, and only you can decide what words feel right for you in understanding what happened. But I want to be very clear: you are not making a mountain out of nothing.

It's very common for people who've experienced unwanted sexual contact to minimize their experiences, especially when the touching didn't match what society often portrays as "serious enough." This self-doubt and minimization is actually a very normal response, but you're right in recognizing that these thought patterns are causing you additional distress. Your body and mind are telling you this event was significant, and it's important to listen to and honor those feelings rather than trying to dismiss them.

The fact that this is surfacing now, ten years later, is also completely normal. Our minds often process difficult experiences when we feel safe enough to do so, or when something in our current life triggers those memories. There's no timeline for processing these experiences, and you're not "overreacting" by having feelings about it now.

When these thought spirals occur, try to respond to yourself with the same compassion you would show a friend in a similar situation. Would you tell them they were overreacting? Would you measure the impact of unwanted touching by which body part was touched? You deserve that same gentleness and validation.

Consider working with a therapist who specializes in trauma. They can help you develop tools to manage these thought spirals and process your experience in a safe, supported way. However you choose to understand or label what happened, your feelings are valid, your response is normal, and you deserve support in healing from this experience. Thank you so much for trusting us with this. You are not alone.