I'm not sure if my cousin crossed boundaries or if I'm reading too much into it. I (22f) met my first cousin (25m) for the first time two days ago. Yesterday we went out for dinner (his treat), then went back to his hotel room in the city. We were chatting and watching videos on the bed when he started playfully trying to take my vape, easily pinning my arms with one hand. After that, I became uncomfortable as he positioned himself very close behind me with his beard touching my neck and his hand on my waist. Despite my discomfort, he repeatedly asked for cuddles, which I declined. He continued putting his hand on my waist, hip, and thigh, squeezing my thigh and running his hand up to my ribs. I moved his hand away several times but didn't explicitly say stop. Eventually, I pretended to fall asleep until he left me alone. Am I overreacting to this situation? I've never had cousins before and don't know if I'm making this a big deal for no reason.

Thank you so much for trusting us with this. What you've described is absolutely a valid reason to feel uncomfortable. When someone continues to touch you after you've physically moved their hand away multiple times, they are ignoring your non-verbal communication of boundaries. Consent should be enthusiastic and ongoing - the absence of a verbal "no" does not equal consent, especially when you were clearly communicating discomfort through your actions.

Your body's reaction of "turning off" and pretending to sleep is actually a common trauma response. When faced with uncomfortable or threatening situations, our bodies sometimes react with "freeze" responses alongside the more commonly known "fight or flight" responses. This is not something you chose to do - it's how your body protected you in that moment.

It's important to trust your instincts. If something didn't feel right to you, then it's worth acknowledging. Physical touch between family members varies across different families and cultures, but what matters most is how the touch made you feel. The pattern you described - pinning you down, persistent touching despite your resistance, and touching intimate areas like your thighs - goes beyond typical familial interaction regardless of cultural background.

You're not overreacting or making a big deal out of nothing. It's completely normal to question your own experience, especially when dealing with someone who is family. This questioning doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid - in fact, it's very common for people who experience boundary violations to wonder if they're "overreacting." Your feelings of discomfort are important information.

Moving forward, you get to decide what boundaries you want to set with this cousin. This might include not being alone with him, meeting only in public places, or whatever feels safe to you. It might also be helpful to talk to someone you trust about how you're feeling—whether that's another family member, a close friend, or a professional. They can provide support and help you process what happened.

Remember that you don't need to justify your boundaries to anyone - they are yours to set based on what helps you feel safe and comfortable. You deserve to feel safe and respected in all your interactions. Thank you so much for reaching out to us. We appreciate you.