I'm confused about some of my brother's behavior during childhood and adolescence and whether it could explain my current intimacy issues. I'm 30F and have struggled with intimacy throughout my life. While I enjoy kissing and cuddling, I completely freeze up as soon as it goes further and just want it to be over. When I was 7 and my brother was 10, he showed me how to pleasure himself and made me do it. A few years later when he was 14-15, he would occasionally come into my room at night after drinking and watch me while I pretended to sleep. Sometimes he touched me between my legs, and I would move as if I was rolling over in my sleep, causing him to leave. This continued for a few months until he stopped. We now have a close relationship. Could these experiences be causing my difficulty with intimacy? I can't find another explanation, and it's becoming a real hurdle for me.

Thank you for sharing your story and trusting us with your feelings. The experiences you've described with your brother during childhood were inappropriate boundary crossings that could certainly influence how you experience intimacy today. Children deserve to have their bodies respected and to develop an understanding of physical boundaries in their own time and in age-appropriate ways. 

Inappropriate childhood sexual experiences can certainly impact your relationship with intimacy, both physically and emotionally. The freezing response you mention during sexual encounters is a common reaction that many people experience after having their boundaries crossed in childhood. Your body is responding protectively to situations that feel similar to past experiences, even if your conscious mind hasn't fully processed the connection.

The fact that you have a close relationship with your brother now is something many people in similar situations experience. Family relationships are complex, and it's possible to care about someone while still acknowledging that certain past behaviors were harmful. This complexity can sometimes make it challenging to process your feelings about what happened.

Many people find that their bodies remember what their minds have tried to understand or compartmentalize. The confusion you feel is also common. Many people question whether their experiences are significant enough to cause their current difficulties, especially when the person involved is someone they care about.

It's important to know that none of this was your fault. You were a child navigating situations that you weren't equipped to handle or fully understand at the time. Your reactions now are valid, and it's okay to seek support to help make sense of them.

Working with a compassionate therapist who specializes in sexual trauma could be helpful in processing these memories and developing strategies to feel safer in intimate situations. Many people find that understanding their responses as normal reactions to confusing childhood experiences helps reduce shame and opens pathways to healing.

Remember that healing is possible, and reconnecting with your body and sexuality on your own terms is achievable. Your experiences and responses are valid, and you deserve support in addressing these challenges and creating fulfilling relationships where you feel safe and comfortable. Take care of yourself. Thank you for your trust