I recently read about childhood SA and realized I may have experienced something similar. When I was around 8, my cousin invited me to his room to play 'house.' What started as pretend play turned inappropriate when he tried to kiss me. When I told him to stop, he insisted it was just a game. He then touched me inappropriately, and I ran to tell my mom. She dismissed it, saying kids are just curious and that he was family and meant no harm. After that, similar incidents occurred whenever we were left alone. He knew my mom wouldn't listen to me. Because we were the same age, I blamed myself for years. Even now at family gatherings, his staring makes me uncomfortable. I've carried this shame for a long time and need help understanding what happened.

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience. I'm sorry to hear that you've been carrying these feelings for so long. It's completely understandable that you're feeling confused and upset about what happened with your cousin.

What you described sounds like a very uncomfortable and distressing situation. Even though you and your cousin were the same age, it's important to recognize that children can sometimes engage in inappropriate behaviors with each other. This doesn't make it your fault. You did nothing wrong by trusting your cousin or by participating in what you thought was a simple game.

It's also important to acknowledge that you tried to set boundaries by telling him to stop and by informing your mom about what happened. It's unfortunate that your concerns weren't taken seriously at the time. Feeling unheard can add to the confusion and self-blame, but please know that you deserved to be listened to and supported.

Feeling shame is a heavy burden to carry, especially when you were not at fault. The actions your cousin took were not okay, and your feelings are completely valid. It's normal to have lingering emotions from such experiences, even years later. The fact that your cousin continues to stare at you during family gatherings can understandably make you feel uncomfortable and may bring back those memories. Remember, you have the right to feel safe and respected in any environment.

It might be helpful to talk to someone you trust about these feelings—perhaps a close friend, family member, or a professional who can provide support. Sharing your thoughts can be a significant step toward understanding what happened and beginning to heal.

Please know that you're not alone, and you don't have to carry this weight by yourself. You deserve peace and clarity, and reaching out is a brave first step. Thank you for trusting us with this.