I hope this is an alright place to ask this. My question involves childhood sexual behaviors and intrusive thoughts. As a little kid, I would touch myself through my clothes, not for completion but because it felt good, similar to stretching. During childhood story games with my sister (who is about a year and a half younger), I would sometimes touch myself while we played these games, which weren't inherently sexual. She seemed annoyed but not upset by the stories. This happened only a handful of times that I can remember. Once when I was around 10-12, she teased me about it, which made me feel horrible and ashamed, so I started doing it privately instead. As adults, she mentioned it as a silly story and seemed confused when I apologized and felt bad. I have OCD and can't stop feeling like a monster about this. Am I a horrible person, and what should I do?

I'm glad you felt comfortable reaching out to share your thoughts and feelings with us. It's important to remember that as children, we're still learning about boundaries, our bodies, and how to interact with others.

Touching yourself through your clothes as a child is a common behavior. Many children discover sensations that feel good without fully understanding them. This kind of self-soothing is often part of normal childhood development and curiosity. Engaging in this behavior during playtime or storytelling doesn't make you a bad person--it reflects a child's natural exploration.

Regarding your interactions with your sister, it's significant that she brought up these memories as an adult in a lighthearted way. Her reaction suggests that she doesn't harbor negative feelings about those moments. The fact that she seemed more annoyed than upset at the time might indicate typical sibling dynamics rather than a harmful power imbalance. Children close in age often navigate boundaries together as they grow and learn.

Feeling guilt and worry now is understandable, especially given your OCD. OCD often latches onto moral questions and past behaviors, creating what's sometimes called "moral scrupulosity" - where you hold yourself to impossible standards and experience intense shame over normal childhood behaviors. The persistent thoughts that you're a "horrible person" despite evidence to the contrary (like your sister's casual attitude about these memories) is a classic OCD pattern, not an accurate reflection of who you are.

The fact that you stopped when you realized it made your sister uncomfortable shows your developing sense of boundaries, and your current distress demonstrates your strong moral compass and concern for others. These are qualities of someone who is thoughtful and caring, not a monster.

Moving forward, working with a mental health professional who specializes in OCD can be tremendously helpful. Remember that healing involves accepting your full history with compassion while recognizing that childhood behaviors don't define your character or worth as an adult. Your reflection and concern show thoughtfulness and empathy - qualities that speak to who you truly are. Thank you so much for trusting us with this. We appreciate you.