Question

I (26F) am trying to process childhood sexual abuse from my older sister (29F) that occurred between ages 3-11. It began as 'playing house' but escalated to serious sexual abuse, involving both me and our younger brother. We lived with our single, alcoholic father who was often absent. Around age 10, the situation worsened when my sister (then 13) became involved with a 49-year-old family friend, leading to further exploitation. The abuse ended when I finally refused her advances a year later. We've never discussed it since. Both my sister and I have multiple mental health diagnoses including bipolar disorder and BPD (she also has schizophrenia). I've only partially disclosed this to one friend and a therapist years ago. How do I process this trauma?

Answer

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to revisit these memories and put them into words. What you went through as a child was deeply unfair and overwhelming. You were placed in situations that no child should ever have to face, and it's important to acknowledge that none of this was your fault. You were navigating a challenging environment without the support and protection that you deserved.

I want to start by clearly validating that what you experienced was significant sexual abuse. What happened to you was not your fault - you were a child who was manipulated and coerced in multiple ways. The fact that you've only partially disclosed these experiences until now is very common and completely understandable, especially given the complex family dynamics and fear you experienced during that time.

Sibling sexual abuse is a specific form of family violence that often goes unreported due to complicated family dynamics, shame, and confusion about the nature of the relationship. Your descriptions of being coerced through threats and manipulation are classic abuse tactics, even when used by another child. The later involvement of the adult perpetrator added another severe layer of exploitation to an already traumatic situation.

The presence of mental health diagnoses in both you and your sister adds complexity to this situation but does not diminish the impact or severity of the abuse. While your sister may have also been a victim of abuse herself, particularly given the later exploitation by an adult, this doesn't negate the harm she caused to you and your brother.

Moving forward, I strongly recommend finding a trauma-informed counselor or therapist who specializes in childhood sexual abuse and family trauma. Many survivors find that EMDR or other evidence-based trauma therapies can be particularly helpful in processing these experiences, but there are many additional avenues you can also explore. 

Please be gentle with yourself as you navigate this healing journey. You are resilient, and seeking support is a strong and positive step forward. Please be gentle with yourself and know that you deserve understanding, compassion, and care. Thank you again for trusting us with this. You are not alone.