Question

How should we understand responsibility in cases of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA)? Does being a child at the time excuse or explain the harmful behavior? What level of accountability makes sense when the person who caused harm was also a child? And if we acknowledge their limited childhood understanding, how can survivors make sense of responsibility and blame for what happened to them?

Answer

Thank you for raising these difficult questions about responsibility and accountability in cases of child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA). Let me try to help break down these challenging issues while honoring both the reality of harm and the complexity of child developmemt.

Understanding accountability in COCSA situations requires carefully examining how children's cognitive and moral development works. A child's brain, particularly the parts responsible for impulse control, consequence assessment, and moral reasoning, develops gradually over time. This means their ability to fully comprehend the impact of their actions or make reasoned choices is fundamentally different from an adult's. They may know an action is "wrong" in a basic sense while lacking the emotional and cognitive maturity to understand why it's wrong or what lasting impact it might have on others.

This developmental context affects how we think about responsibility, but it's crucial to understand that this explanation doesn't excuse harmful behavior. For example, understanding why a fire started doesn't minimize the damage it caused. The harm experienced by survivors is real and significant, regardless of the perpetrator's age or developmental stage. This creates a complex situation where both realities must be acknowledged - the genuine harm caused AND the limited capacity of the child who caused it.

Often in these situations, the child who caused harm may have been acting out their own experiences of abuse, repeating behaviors they were exposed to, or showing signs of serious problems in their environment. This is why professional intervention focusing on rehabilitation, education, and therapy is crucial - not just punishment. The goal becomes helping the child who caused harm develop empathy and understanding while preventing future harmful behavior.

For survivors processing these experiences, it can be helpful to consider multiple layers of responsibility. While the child who caused harm made choices that resulted in real damage, the adults and systems around them also had responsibilities they may have failed to fulfill - proper supervision, recognition of warning signs, or appropriate intervention when problems arose. This broader view doesn't diminish the direct harm caused but provides a framework for understanding how such situations develop and persist.

Many survivors find it healing to acknowledge these multiple truths: that they experienced genuine harm with lasting impacts, AND that the person who caused this harm was a child operating with limited understanding. This perspective isn't about excusing behavior but about understanding context in a way that supports healing. It's completely normal to feel conflicted about this - to feel anger about the harm caused while also struggling with how to assign responsibility when the perpetrator was a child.

Rather than focusing solely on where to place blame, many find it more helpful to prioritize their own healing journey. This might involve working with mental health professionals who understand trauma and abuse, connecting with support groups, and developing ways to process these complex feelings about responsibility and harm.

If you are a survivor, know your feelings about these experiences are valid, whatever they may be. The impact of abuse is real. You deserve support as you navigate these complex emotions and work toward healing. Thanks so much for asking this tough question. We appreciate you.