Question

At age 7, a friend showed me explicit videos and explained adult concepts. This led me to seek similar content throughout my school years, affecting my behavior in ways that continue today. I have few childhood memories and can't recall if any physical contact occurred - my therapist says this memory loss may be protective. Was the exposure to explicit content alone considered child-on-child sexual abuse (COCSA), and how might it have impacted my mental health?

Answer

Thank you for sharing your story with us.  First, I want to validate that what happened to you at age 7 was not your fault. Children cannot consent to exposure to explicit content, and early exposure like this could certainly be considered a form of COCSA, even without physical contact. Your friend, who was also a child, may have been acting out something they themselves were exposed to – but that doesn't minimize the impact this had on you. Only you can decide if the label COCSA feels right for your experience, however. Sometimes having a name for our experiences can help us understand and process them, while other times labels might feel restrictive or overwhelming.

The behaviors and memory gaps you describe are common protective responses. Early exposure to explicit content can impact mental health in several ways: affecting how we form relationships, our self-worth, trust, and intimacy. You might notice impacts on anxiety levels, emotional regulation, or patterns in seeking or avoiding certain content. Some people experience shame or confusion about their responses, while others might struggle with boundaries or self-image.

It's positive that you're working with a therapist. They can help you process these experiences at your own pace, without pressure to recover memories or adopt specific labels. What matters most is your healing journey and finding what works for you.

Be gentle with yourself - your responses were ways of coping with overwhelming experiences. Thank you for reaching out to us with this question. You are not alone.