An old friend and I, both 15, got really drunk at a party and started touching each other. I suddenly felt gross and tried pulling away several times, saying I wanted to go to sleep. They told me to keep touching them and complained loudly if I didn't. I kept going until they finished because I didn't want to get caught. I feel really gross about it because I didn't want to continue. Is it still assault if I was the one doing the touching? I feel like I'm disrespecting sexual assault victims' experiences if I call it that, but I don't know what else to call it.

Thank you for sharing this difficult experience. I want to start by saying that what happened to you was not your fault, and your feelings are valid. This situation is complex, and it's understandable that you're struggling to process it.

What you've described could certainly be a form of sexual coercion, which is a type of sexual assault. Even though you were the one physically doing the touching, it sounds like you were pressured and manipulated into continuing when you clearly expressed that you wanted to stop. Your attempts to pull away and your statement that you wanted to go to sleep were clear indications of withdrawing consent. Your friend's actions in pressuring you to continue and complaining loudly to manipulate you into complying sound potentially coercive and abusive.

It's important to understand that consent must be freely given, and it can be withdrawn at any time. Once you expressed that you wanted to stop, any continuation of sexual activity without your willing participation technically became assault, regardless of who was doing the physical touching (although only you can label your experiences).

You're not disrespecting anyone's experience by recognizing what happened to you as assault. Sexual assault comes in many forms, and coercion is one of them. Your experience and feelings are just as valid as those of other survivors.

It's also worth noting that both of you were underage and under the influence of alcohol, which complicates the situation further in terms of consent and decision-making capacity.

Your feelings of feeling "gross" about the experience are common reactions to sexual trauma. Many survivors struggle with feelings of shame, guilt, or confusion, especially when the situation isn't a clear-cut case of physical force. Moving forward, please be gentle with yourself. What happened wasn't your fault.

Consider speaking with a counselor or therapist who specializes in sexual trauma. They can help you process your feelings and experiences. If you feel comfortable, you could reach out to a sexual assault helpline for support and resources. Remember that healing takes time, and it's okay to feel conflicted or confused about your experience.

Your feelings and experiences are valid however you choose to label them. We appreciate you trusting us with your story. You are not alone.