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Answer by Dr. Laura
PhD Mental Health Nurse & Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner
I want to start by acknowledging the courage it takes to reach out and discuss such a difficult experience. What happened to you was not your fault, and your feelings of distress and anxiety are completely valid, even if they've emerged some time after the incident. It's important to understand that delayed reactions to traumatic events are common and are a normal response to an abnormal situation.
Your experience at the family gathering, where you were in a vulnerable state due to intoxication and someone took advantage of that situation, is a serious matter. The fact that you were too impaired to process what was happening at the time doesn't diminish the impact of the event. It's understandable that you're now grappling with feelings of anxiety and the realization that you were taken advantage of.
It can be particularly challenging when family members don't seem to understand or acknowledge the impact this experience has had on you. This lack of support can feel isolating, but please know that your feelings are valid regardless of others' perceptions.
There are several paths you can consider for addressing these delayed feelings and finding support. Speaking with a therapist or counselor who specializes in trauma and sexual assault can provide a safe, non-judgmental space to process your emotions and develop coping strategies. They can help you navigate the complex feelings you're experiencing and work towards healing.
Support hotlines and organizations in your local area dedicated to helping survivors of sexual assault can also be valuable resources. They offer confidential support and can connect you with additional services if needed.
Remember to be patient and gentle with yourself as you navigate this process. Healing takes time, and it's okay to take things one day at a time. In the meantime, try to prioritize engaging in activities that promote your mental and physical well-being, and consider practices like journaling to help process your thoughts and feelings.
You are not alone in this. What happened was not your fault, and there are people and resources available to support you through this journey of healing and understanding. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve support and understanding as you work through this experience. Thank you for reaching out to us.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.