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Survivor story
This Bluejay Is Moving
Original story
Message to a Survivor
Nobody will know me where I move but the people I have picked. Your life will be stable again, you will breathe again, and there is always a fresh start out there in the world.
Message of Healing
I want to be able to forget about it move on, it's just another shitty thing that happened to me and I can live my life with it in the pass. In this case healing is moving to Iowa and knowing that nobody in that town threatened to bring a gun to school and kill me.
I was pretty young, I was a preteen and I didn't realize why what i was doing was wrong. I knew it was wrong because it was sex, but I didn't know that it was wrong because I was a kid and kids can't consent. Not that young. I thought my mom would be mad because you're not supposed to have sex, I didn't even realize that it was...traumatizing? I'd call it stat rape but I definitely regret it now even if I 'consented' to things I didn't even understand. I feel like I fucked up, but I was a kid and I thought that everyone has sex, and that it's normal. But you aren't supposed to do that yet, I didn't know i wasn't supposed to have sex that young because its damaging. I thought it was just another thing that adult's didn't want you to do, like have cookies or slide down banisters and I was so so young. I'm going through the process of realizing what happened and processing that. I. I don't think it's my fault. I wouldn't blame the kids if they came to me, it's not on them, it's not their fault. So why would it be my fault either? but that's still hard. Its a difficult thing to reckon with. It's become more viscerally real to me since someone kissed me without asking, and I just...can't let it go, and it sucks.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.