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Survivor story
The night I didn't know I'd be raped.
Original story
Message to a Survivor
Healing takes time, effort, and self-love. Never give up on yourself. Some days you may take 10 steps forward and another day you may feel like you are taking 20 steps back. As long as you continue to push forward you will find meaning and happiness in your life again.
Date was the night that changed my life. I was 28 years old when I met a man on a dating app and we had been talking for a majority of the day through the app. He seemed normal and genuinely nice. The night we met up was a last minute decision on both ends and ever since that day, I regret ever making plans with him. It was decided that he would come to my house and was supposed to pick me up and go for a drive but 5 minutes before he arrived he asked to come in and watch a movie. I sat on one side of the couch, he sat on the other. I remember thinking that he was not my type and that I had no attraction towards him. We awkwardly watched the movie with some small talk. At one point, he started making comments about me sitting far away from him, and then he abruptly stood up and came over to my side of the couch. He got on his knees and pushed himself in between my legs. He held my wrists down on the couch and ripped my shirt down with his teeth to expose my breasts. I told him to stop and that he was ripping my shirt. He replied, "Don't worry, I'll buy you a new shirt". That's when I knew he wasn't going to stop. He began to suck on my nipples really hard which caused me a lot of pain. He then forced me to get up, aggressively pulled my jeans down and off of me and bent me over the couch. He forced his fingers inside of my vagina which again caused me a great amount of pain and then forced his penis inside of my vagina. He choked me and pulled my hair while he penetrated me. It felt like forever for him to finish. When he ejaculated, he took his time getting dressed and before he left, the last thing he said to me was: "If we weren't going to have sex I would have just left after the movie". That night, I did not know I was going to become a victim of rape. I was so confused about what happened to me, it took me almost a week to get a rape kit done and another week to decide to report it to police. I know for myself, I did that right thing by reporting it. He was recently charged on rape charges related to my case and I am lucky that I had investigators and a prosecutor who believed me and supported me. Everyday I am healing and everyday I feel like I am closer to justice.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.