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Survivor story
The Brutal Truth Most Forget…
7 months later
The « man »
Message to a Survivor
A friend asked me to describe what it feels like after being assaulted. There’s so many diffrent parts to it. There’s the self blame, worry, fear, grief… I call it the emotions. There’s the memories, feeling his hands on you, his voice… I call it the physical pain. There’s also something called the timing… Picture it: a box with a button and a bouncy ball. When you first get assaulted that ball is giant and every time it pushes the button the emotions and physical pain comes back. But as time goes on that ball gets smaller as you start to heal. Some days the ball gets bigger and hits the button more often and some days it only hits the button once. Just know it does get better. You may never completely heal, but it does get better.
Message of Healing
Healing to me is when you cry, fall, break and scream. But its also when you laugh, smile, sing, dance. It’s letting out your feelings. It’s also loving yourself. It’s getting the help you need from friends, family, professionals. ❤️
It’s been seven months since I first published my story. It’s been more then a year since the assault. The person, the “man” who did this to me is unfortunately appart of my family. With Christmas around the corner, we had a get-together last night. I looked him in the eyes for the first time even tho we go to the same school. My heart sank as he walked passed me. I felt on edge the hole night. I still do. I stepped out of my shoes and looked at him from another perspective. I realized that he’s changed and has grown since the incident. I realized that he’s more mature now. I don’t forgive him, feel safe around him or understand him. I might never. But I have come to understand that that’s ok. It’s ok to cry, scream, fall, be hurt. Because letting those feelings out is what’s going to help you get through this.
Original story
Tears fall from my face when I have flashbacks. The amount of times I’ve ran to the washroom and cried remembering those nights. Frozen in fear, unable to move. Feeling his hands on my skin. And hearing his voice as he tries to make sure I’m not awake. The excuses I’ve heard and the disbelief I’ve been through, that I still go through. Most dont believe my story, they believe his because “how could he do that?” They act like he never added the second part of his side; he admitted to touching me without consent. People don’t realize that I check that the doors are locked before I go to bed. They dont realize that I always have an eye on him making sure he’s not about to pull another stunt. The excuses they use. They believe his excuses and act like nothing happened. Sexual assault has been normalized but they forgot about me who’s still drowning in grief. The little girl inside of me was forced to grow up that night. That part of me that I will never get back. The fear that I will never lose. And the memories that can’t be erased. Most blame it on the clothes I was wearing. Those nights I was wearing pajamas. Shorts and a tank top. Considering it was 40° outside I believe I had the right to be wearing those clothes. When I think about that night my heart gets heavy. It’s like my heart gets bigger and it’s pushing against my chest. Every time I have a flashback I relive the experience. I feel his hands on me and remember the pain I felt. Most survivors say that they were almost broken, but I dont think I qualify for almost broken. I am broken. And I surprise myself everyday that I don’t cry in front of him. People think I need words of encouragement but in reality I need a hug. That's all I want, a hug from the right person. A hug.
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Grounding activity
Find a comfortable place to sit. Gently close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths - in through your nose (count to 3), out through your mouth (count of 3). Now open your eyes and look around you. Name the following out loud:
5 – things you can see (you can look within the room and out of the window)
4 – things you can feel (what is in front of you that you can touch?)
3 – things you can hear
2 – things you can smell
1 – thing you like about yourself.
Take a deep breath to end.
From where you are sitting, look around for things that have a texture or are nice or interesting to look at.
Hold an object in your hand and bring your full focus to it. Look at where shadows fall on parts of it or maybe where there are shapes that form within the object. Feel how heavy or light it is in your hand and what the surface texture feels like under your fingers (This can also be done with a pet if you have one).
Take a deep breath to end.
Ask yourself the following questions and answer them out loud:
1. Where am I?
2. What day of the week is today?
3. What is today’s date?
4. What is the current month?
5. What is the current year?
6. How old am I?
7. What season is it?
Take a deep breath to end.
Put your right hand palm down on your left shoulder. Put your left hand palm down on your right shoulder. Choose a sentence that will strengthen you. For example: “I am powerful.” Say the sentence out loud first and pat your right hand on your left shoulder, then your left hand on your right shoulder.
Alternate the patting. Do ten pats altogether, five on each side, each time repeating your sentences aloud.
Take a deep breath to end.
Cross your arms in front of you and draw them towards your chest. With your right hand, hold your left upper arm. With your left hand, hold your right upper arm. Squeeze gently, and pull your arms inwards. Hold the squeeze for a little while, finding the right amount of squeeze for you in this moment. Hold the tension and release. Then squeeze for a little while again and release. Stay like that for a moment.
Take a deep breath to end.